I immediately followed Pidoy, filled with concern after he informed me about Oteph. He halted in front of the entrance to the Mess hall, appearing nervous as he glanced at me.
"He's inside Mrs. Verna's room. They've been trying to reach you at the church, but you and Fr. Jowie had already left," Pidoy explained, his hands trembling.
"What happened?" I inquired with a shaky voice while opening the door. However, as I looked at the child, he abruptly ran away.
I was taken aback by the unfolding events. I sensed that there was a surprise awaiting me at the center. My worry dissipated because I had witnessed similar scenes before, especially at school during our advisor's birthday, when students would plan pranks just to surprise the teacher. There would be feigned arguments or a student feigning unconsciousness, only for the well-behaved students who orchestrated the event to call the teacher. Subsequently, the teacher would go along with the prank and pretend to be surprised at the prepared birthday party. It seemed likely that Oteph had informed Mama Flora about my birthday, prompting them to go to such lengths.
I decided to play along with their plan, if indeed they were attempting to surprise me on my birthday. However, what if Pidoy's words held truth? Lord, I prayed that it wouldn't be the case. Even without a celebration, as long as nothing untoward happened to my brother, that would be enough.
Yet, it perplexed me why, if something truly unfortunate had occurred with Oteph, it would be in the Mess hall. They could have chosen a room or the center's clinic instead. Taking a deep breath, I turned the doorknob. Now, I was certain that a surprise had been prepared for me at the center. I resolved to pretend to be genuinely surprised by their efforts. It would be a shame to waste all their hard work. Moreover, the last time my birthday was celebrated was when Mama Luisa was still alive. After Mama's passing, there were no more celebrations.
I gently pushed open the door to the Mess hall, only to find that the anticipated surprise was nowhere to be seen. No one was there. Where was Oteph? Anxiety resurfaced within me.
"Oteph!" I called out to my sibling.
Pidoy had stated that Oteph was inside with Aling Verna. However, there was no sign of them.
"Oteph, where are you? Pidoy said you're inside Mrs. Verna's room," I called out to my sibling once again.
But there was no response from Oteph, causing my concern to magnify. I began to wonder if Pidoy was merely playing a trick on me. Despite his penchant for volunteering for prayers, he was known to be mischievous. That boy would face my ire if this turned out to be a prank. It was disheartening to think that I had believed they had organized a surprise for my birthday, only to be fooled by Pidoy.
I decided to go to my room first to freshen up and change my clothes. Maybe Oteph is there, playing with the other kids who are close to him. Fortunately, I didn't have high expectations. Oteph and I have only been at the center for a few days, and I realize that the needs of the children here are more important than spending money to celebrate my birthday.
"Happy 18th birthday to you, Drew," I wished myself. "Hey, self, thanks," I replied sadly, almost feeling a bit crazy.
I turned slowly to leave the Mess hall when I heard the door behind me open.
"Ate!" Oteph called out loudly.
Upon hearing my brother's voice, I quickly turned around and saw him standing there, bringing immense joy to me. Oteph was all dressed up in an American-style outfit, smiling at me by the door.
"Oteph?" I happily responded.
I faced him as he ran toward me.
"Happy birthday, Ate," he greeted me with a big smile, handing me a red rose and planting a kiss on my cheek.
"Thank you," I replied, hugging him tightly. "Why are you so dressed up? Where did you get that?" I asked him.
He didn't answer. Instead, he took my hand and motioned for me to follow him, which I did. It felt like I was floating in the air during those moments.
"Where are you taking me?" I asked.
He still didn't respond as we walked down the hallway toward the rooms. I noticed the absence of people as I made my way with my sibling. I thought I wouldn't be surprised by what they had prepared for my birthday, but it turned out they had a different surprise in store for me. There was a mix of anticipation and nervousness in my chest as I followed my brother to wherever he was leading me.
"What are we doing here, Oteph? This isn't the way to our room," I curiously asked, but as before, he remained silent.
He stopped in front of a closed room, facing me with a smile. "Go inside, Ate," he said.
"Huh? What's inside?" I asked.
"Just go in, please," he insisted. I could clearly see the immense joy and excitement on hisface.
"Okay, I'll go in that room. And you still have a surprise for me, right?"
"By the way, will you be my first dance later?" he asked with a smile.
The surprise they prepared for my birthday doesn't matter as much to me now. Just seeing my brother's smiles is enough to surprise and make me happy on my birthday. It's only now, since we arrived at the center, that I saw Oteph smiled that way.
"Really? Can you dance?" I jokingly asked him.
Oteph came closer and whispered something to me.
"Yes, I learned earlier from Mama Flora. But it seems she doesn't know how to dance either," he whispered.
I laughed at what he said. But I was even happier knowing that Oteph and Mama Flora were getting closer. It means a lot to me that my brother can experience a mother's love, even if it's only for a few days. It's enough for both of us.
"Alright then. I'll be expecting you to be my first dance partner, okay?" I told him.
"Of course!" he replied and nodded eagerly.
"Are you part of this surprise birthday party?" I playfully asked her.
"It's a secret, Ate."
"Ouch, so you have your own secrets now, huh?"
"Come on, Ate, let's just go inside. We're really hungry," Oteph said impatiently, scratching his head.
"Okay, okay. I'll go inside the room, and just don't mess up your hair anymore. My handsome brother needs to stay handsome," I said, removing my hand from his hair. "Give your sister another hug before going in."
"Oh, Ate, you're so annoying," he replied.
"Fine, fine. I'll go now. I don't want my handsome brother to look ugly, so I'll go inside," I said with a laugh, admiring how cute my younger sibling, Oteph, is.
I knocked on the door before opening it. Oteph smiled at me as soon as I entered the room. My eyes were immediately drawn to a beautiful pink gown displayed on a mannequin. It was adorned with lovely flower designs and sparkling stones. It's the most exquisite gown I've ever seen. It almost brought tears to my eyes. Mrs. Verna stood beside it, happily welcoming me.
"Happy 18th birthday, Andrea. You're now a grown young lady," she said with joy, giving me a tight hug. She kissed my cheek, making me even more emotional.
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Verna," I replied, my voice trembling with emotion.
"Why are you crying? You should be happy on your birthday. It's your special debut, after all."
"I'm just really happy. So overwhelmed, actually. But I hope you didn't go through any trouble."
"Andrea, we all love you here at the center. We should celebrate this special moment with you. You only have a debut once, so let's make the most of it. We all chipped in, including Mama Flora and the other volunteers, to get this gown. So enjoy your day, Andrea, and be happy instead of shedding tears."
"I'm happy, but the overwhelming joy brings tears to my eyes," I explained.
"Alright then. Go ahead and take a shower, I'll prepare everything for you. We've organized a small gathering and program for you at the children's playground. They've been waiting for you, and some of them might fall asleep soon," Mrs. Verna informed me.
I smiled and nodded in gratitude before promptly following Mrs. Verna's instructions to freshen up.
+++0000+++
Omar and I arrived early at the music bar, using my car. Unlike before, we were silent, contrast to our past visits when we were the loudest customers in the bar. But given the circumstances, there was nothing to celebrate. Usually, we would celebrate our birthdays here with Sam. However, there were times when it would just be Omar and me, seeking solace in this place, trying to unwind from the stress of work.
As soon as we sat down, Omar ordered some bar snacks and beers. I listened quietly to the live band performance. The bar was relatively empty that night, perhaps indicating that others also sought relaxation and relief from their own burdens.
"When are you going back to school? Your students are looking for you, especially your advisory class," Omar broke the silence, inquiring.
"Do they still need me there?" I responded.
"What kind of question is that, Walter? Of course, they need you. Your students depend on you. Many of them are asking when you'll be attending their class. They genuinely miss you," he replied.
"Oh, really? It appears my students miss me more than I realized," I sarcastically remarked.
"Oh, come on, bro. Everyone at school already misses you. Don't you feel a sense of responsibility towards your students?"
"I understand. I have an obligation to them, but I can't face them yet after they witnessed what happened that night," I confessed.
Omar glanced at the waitress as she served our beer and snacks.
"So what if they witnessed that? They had no involvement in what happened that night, alright? What matters is that you go back to school on Monday and do your job," he encouraged.
"Maybe I still need more time to be alone, bro. I'm just not ready yet."
"What? Bro, you're crazy. You have to separate your work from your personal dramas. You're not the only one who was left and hurt in love. You need to be sensitive too."
Omar's words felt like a slap in my face. I didn't expect him to say those things.
"So, you think I'm insensitive, bro? Thanks for those words, coming from my best friend. Speaking of not being sensitive, shouldn't you be the first one to understand how I feel? Instead of supporting me, you keep on ranting at me." I replied, my voice getting stronger.
"I'm not ranting at you, bro. I'm just telling you that instead of wallowing and being dramatic about Samantha leaving you, can't you just move on? Even if it's not for you. Do it for your mom who is also hurting because of what's happening to you. Do it for your students who have nothing to do with your love life drama."
"It's easy for you to say. You weren't the one deceived for four years, you weren't the one led on..."
"Here we go again, dude. You keep repeating what Samantha did to you. I think Samantha is no longer the problem why you're still hurting until now. The problem is with you. You can't move on because you don't want to, and you choose to keep hurting yourself over and over again." Omar interrupted, and I couldn't continue what I wanted to say.
I don't know why I can't let go of the thought that I need to move on. Maybe I just can't accept that I lost in love. My ego as a man was hurt too.
I chose to stay silent, hoping to cool my head for a while. I didn't want to argue with Omar anymore. I opened a bottle of SanMig Light and poured its contents into a glass with ice.
"I'm just concerned about you, dude," Omar said, taking something out of his small bag. He handed me a long white envelope, which I promptly took from him. "I didn't plan on giving it to you now, but maybe it's a good thing that you read it."
"What is this?" I asked dryly.
"Open it and see for yourself," he said sadly.
I opened the envelope and immediately took out the letter inside. I unfolded it and read its contents. I admit, it added to what I was feeling. I angrily crumpled it in my hand and tossed it under the table.
"So they're giving me a warning for AWOL? Who are they trying to threaten? They can do whatever they want, and I don't care. There are other schools where I can apply." That was my reaction to what I read.
I saw Omar shake his head. I also saw the disappointment in his face. "Bro, please? Get yourself together. Maybe I made a mistake inviting you here. Let's go home. I'll take care of the bill."
"No. I'll stay here for now. If you want to leave, go ahead. You're not helping anyway, best friend." I said firmly, knowing that I hurt him. Omar was right, I was being insensitive to the people around me.
"Okay. I guess I'm not helping you. And I'm sorry for that. Maybe you really need some time alone. Anyway, thank you for being my best friend, and I'm sorry for not being there for you." he said. He left a thousand pesos on the table and quietly headed towards the bar's exit.
"F*ck, what have I done?" I whispered to myself. I was annoyed. I was annoyed with myself.
I suddenly felt guilty for what I said to him. Knowing him, Omar has helped me so much. I wanted to run after him and apologize. He didn't deserve everything I said. My foolishness took over again.
I rubbed my face with both hands, moving towards my head. I picked up the glass and nearly finished the beer in it. I grabbed another bottle of SanMig Light and poured its contents into the glass, which I immediately drank.
I glanced around at the other customers in the bar, enjoying the music. Omar didn't come back, so I realized that he had truly left me. Maybe I'll visit him tomorrow to apologize for what I said.
Once again, I surveyed my surroundings and my gaze landed on a woman sitting near the stage. She was looking at me and smiling. But I ignored her and quickly shifted my gaze away. I focused on the crumpled paper that Omar gave me earlier. I sighed deeply. I thought about what my friend told me.
I picked up another beer bottle on the table and drank its contents. I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to forget. But, the woman speaking on stage caught my attention. She was the one who looked at me earlier. She turned out to be the lead vocalist of the band, which I only noticed now.
"Okay guys, let's change things up a bit. This time, we'll grant a request from one of our regular customers, Ms. Charee Sandoval." The singer of the band announced. "I hope you'll like it. This one's for all the heartbroken souls, just like me." She added, laughing.
Some of the customers, including myself, applauded inside the bar. I focused my attention on her, especially on the song she was about to sing. The band started playing, with the sound of guitars prevailing. I don't know why, but I suddenly became curious to hear her sing.
You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled for something to say
You left in the rain without closing the door
I didn't stand in your way
I was captivated by her soothing voice. But there was a sting in every word she sang.
But I miss you more than I missed you before
And now where I'll find comfort, God knows
'Cause you left me just when I needed you most
Left me just when I needed you most
But my attention was mostly on the song itself. I felt the impact it had on me. I didn't know why, but I suddenly burst into tears for a few moments. It was like the song was forcibly bringing back the pain. I couldn't breathe.
Now every morning, I gaze out the window
And ponder where you might be
I've written letters to you that I'd like to send
If only you would send one to me
Because I need you now more than ever before
And I don't know where to find solace, only God knows
Because you left me just when I needed you most
I can't take it anymore. I stood up, feeling a heavy weight on my chest. I approached the stage. I saw the lead vocalist of the band looking at me. I felt like I couldn't bear to listen to him sing anymore. I didn't know what pushed me to do that.
Left me just when I needed you most
You packed in the morning, I stared out the window
And I struggled...
"Please, stop! I beg you. Stop singing." I shouted at her. I saw her pause in her singing, capturing the attention of the people in the bar.
Some of the people inside stood up. Their reactions were varied, and I knew they were not in my favor. I didn't bother to listen to the customers' response anymore. I couldn't handle the lyrics of the song.
"Booo!"
"Hey, why are you bothering Ms. Beautiful? Move away!" Shouted a man who seemed to have had a few drinks.
"Please, enough." I pleaded with her. I simply sat down in front of the stage. I could clearly see the surprise on the woman's face.
"Get him out of here!"
"Booo!"
"Call security, quick!" One of the shouts I heard from a customer.
"He must be going crazy."
"Friends, folks. Let's keep calm. Let's just be patient with him. Maybe he's going through something." The woman on the stage said. "The night is still is young, so let's continue. This time, let's move our bodies and groove to the music I'm about to sing." She said.
I stood up from the front of the stage. I could feel the stares on me. Various eyes, most likely judging me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or judgmental. There's something about their looks that affects me. There are plenty of songs to sing, so why did she choose that one? It's like she's taunting me.
The lead vocalist started singing again. Her voice filled with joy and happiness. In the distance, I saw the two bouncers heading towards me. When they approached, they immediately came to me.
"Are you okay, sir?" One of them said, trying to assist me. He probably thought I was drunk.
"I'm not drunk, I can take care of myself." I replied to him, removing his hand from me. "I know what's going on here, so you don't need to accompany me."
But they still followed me until I left the bar. I immediately headed to my car and opened the driver-side door. I got in, but didn't start the car yet.
Is this how Sam feels now? Why is it so easy for her to forget about me? Did she really love me? I placed my hands on the steering wheel, as well as my head, and closed my eyes. I wanted to calm down before going home.
+++++0000+++++
I felt like I was floating on cloud nine because of the happiness. I tried not to cry as Mrs. Verna helped me walk. I was wearing a gown that was paid for by a collaboration between her, Mama Flora, and Ms. Teresa. For the first time, I felt like a princess. Although I couldn't walk elegantly in my shoes with two-inch heels, it was okay because I knew this might not happen again. I would just enjoy this night with my family in the center.
I was nervous as we approached the door of the Mess Hall. I saw Oteph still looking very handsome in his suit. He was waiting by the door to be my escort. My heart almost leapt with joy when I saw his sweet smile upon seeing me. He immediately straightened himself and stood up straight. He extended his hand as I approached him.
"Shall I, ma'am?" He said, almost making me laugh with his enthusiasm. Where did he learn to speak like a gentleman?
I offered my hand and he took it. We started walking towards the children's playground.
I could see the effort they made to decorate the place. Each tree was adorned with balloons and flowers made of Japanese paper. My attention was focused on the familiar-looking balloons. Yes, that's right. Those were the balloons we bought earlier with Father Jowie. I knew he had something to do with it.
I could see the joy in my brother as we walked towards the small stage. I saw the children excited and happy to see me. They all stood up and wanted to see me in my gown.
"Children, let's all sing 'Happy Birthday' for your Ate Andrea. One, two, ready, sing!" Mrs. Rowena Reyes said into the microphone.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...." The children sang in unison.
From behind, Ms. Teresa, Mama Flor, and Mrs. Verna were there, along with other volunteers from the center. Behind them was Father Jowie, with a big smile on his face as we approached the stage with Oteph. On the stage, there was a chair placed in the center where I would sit. Behind it was a tarpaulin saying 'Happy 18th Birthday Andrea', probably prepared by Father Jowie.
I couldn't measure the happiness I felt that night. Especially when the children approached me one by one, greeting me and kissing my cheek. I almost cried when our three mothers, personally greeted me. I became emotional on my birthday, especially when Father Jowie approached me.
"Happy Birthday to my favorite godchild," he greeted me.
"Thank you, Father, but you tricked me," I responded.
"Why is that, Andrea?" he asked.
"You accompanied me earlier with ulterior motives," I explained.
"Of course, so you could buy your favorite ice cream," he said. "And someone else wanted to greet you," he added.
"Who?" I asked with curiosity.
"I know you've missed seeing him too, and it was evident on your face earlier. Just a moment," he said mischievously and gestured behind me.
I turned around but didn't see anyone there.
I pondered over what Fr. Jowie said. Who could I have missed? Could it be Lola Rosa, our neighbor at my Daddy Rudy's house? Fr. Jowie wouldn't have excluded her as he knows she is close to us.
"Father, who are you referring to? Is it Lola Rosa?" I inquired.
"It's me," a familiar voice said from behind me.
I turned around and saw the person Fr. Jowie mentioned, the one I had missed.
"You?" I exclaimed. I didn't expect Fr. Jowie to be talking about Gem Ver. And missed? It didn't seem that way.
"Of course. Would I miss my best friend's birthday?" he said, approaching me.
"You idiot, I thought you had forgotten my birthday," I almost cried as I spoke to him.
"Happy Birthday, dude," he greeted me and kissed my cheek. "This is for you." He handed me a slim, neatly wrapped box covered in pink paper.
"Why did you even bother? Thank you, but it's too much," I joked.
"You know your birthday is important to me, right? I hope you like it. I saved up for this occasion," he said with a smile.
"What is this?" I asked, staring at the gift box.
"You can open it later. I want to talk first. It's been a while since we've had the chance to spend time together and see each other at school. So tonight, I want to make the most of it and have a conversation," he said with a smile.
I truly missed Gem Ver. I missed his slanted eyes, his smile, and the dimples on his cheeks.