KIERSON
I always liked Vishnu and I always will. Obviously, I don't know where it all started.
Is it when our first argument happened?
Or was it when he saw me jump at the school wall because I was planning to cut classes and he reported it to the principal?
Did I fall deeper when we were arguing all the time and chances we had? Am I already whipped when we became friends?
Did I fall too hard?
Maybe I did. No… I am certain. I did fall harder.
It would always be a painful yet happy memory of when my grandfather sent Derrick Emerson to me. I was enthusiastic for Derrick to meet my friends. I was happy when they became close. All those happy memories when I was in high school were with them. I was happy because I am with them…
“Jerson,” Vishnu called me.
I lazily looked at him as I raised my brows. “What?” I asked.
Vishnu smiled cheekily and he squeezed my cheeks. “Guess what? I like someone!”
I faked a smile. Of course, I know who it was. “Derrick, was it?” I asked.
Though, I was silently wishing he would say no. I wished he would deny it. I wished… I wished I was Derrick.
“How did you know?” he asked.
“You’re too whipped, Vishnu. How could I, your best friend, not know? You fell hard and it's showing.”
I guess, I really am a masochist.
After he told me that, they became a couple. I felt envious. I felt insecure.
If I didn’t introduce Derrick to Vishnu, would he still meet him and fall in love? Would he… would I stand a chance?
“You kept on looking at the two, Jerson.”
I looked at Noah and immediately retreated. I furrowed my brows. I opened the can of alcohol and drank it in one go.
Noah was 5 years older than us and he was Vishnu's older brother. We got to know each other as we often hang out in their house. Vishnu’s parents were too strict so going to bars and whatnot wasn’t an option.
“You wouldn’t stand a chance, kid. My younger brother liked your friend too much,” Noah added.
“Are you here to keep rubbing salt on my wound, old man?” I irritatedly asked.
Noah chuckled. “You’re feisty, just like your other friend, Alec. Just really like my type.”
I laughed out loud. “Alec is straight. He has a girlfriend.”
“I know, right? At least I don’t like my best friend who was gay but I still didn't stand a chance because he doesn’t like me. That would make me feel miserable.”
I raised my hand and gave Noah a middle finger. It’s a pity that Alec wasn’t here. If Alec was here, I could have told him how I felt. I could have someone beside me who understands me.
“Anyway, when will you tell Vishnu how you feel about him? Or would you rather prefer me to tell him your fantasies?”
I clenched my jaw as I drank one can of beer again. I glared at Noah. “I dare y–”
“Vishnu, your best friend–”
I immediately grabbed Noah’s collar and dragged him near me. I kissed him. It was probably because of alcohol that I was that bold and fearless.
Noah kissed me back. He bit my lips which startled me. I immediately pushed him away.
I got up and was about to leave when I saw Vishnu, standing in front of us, glaring at my lips.
“What the fuck was that?” Vishnu asked.
I shivered when I saw those cold eyes. It was the same eyes I saw the first we met. Did I… did I fucked up?
“I-I can explain,” I stuttered.
Vishnu looked at me. The way he clenched his jaw and he glared at my lips was making my hopes up. Was he… was he jealous?
Noah faked a cough. “Did I not tell you? Jerson and I were dating.”
Vishnu furrowed his brows. “Pardon?”
“We’re dating and Jerson said yes just now so I kissed him because he's officially mine now.”
I was about to refute but immediately stopped when I heard Vishnu congratulate us. He doesn’t mind so I didn’t bother to clear up the misunderstanding. It was heartbreaking to know that I don’t really stand a chance.
After that night, everything came back to normal. Vishnu and I… were still close, I guess? But not really close just like before. I felt like he was slowly pushing me away. There’s an invisible wall between us. A big gap that I couldn't measure.
If I knew that it would be the start of my tainted relationship with him, I could have apologized for whatever I did wrong.
I was planning to apologize that day, but before I could even have the chance to admit my guilt, Derrick and I were ambushed.
I saw Derrick got shot. Vishnu and Noah were just a kilometer away from us. They saw everything. Derrick saved me.
The day that Derrick died, I died too while I am still breathing. My heart died with Derrick.
Vishnu grabbed Derrick away from me and Noah immediately called an ambulance.
I was shot on my wrist but Derrick was fighting for his life. I understand that when the ambulance came they immediately took care of Derrick because he was unstable. Derrick was fighting for his life so they told me to wait for another ambulance.
When minutes came later and the ambulance didn't arrive, I didn’t wait any longer. I just called for a taxi that was an hour earlier than the ambulance they were talking about. I went back to my grandfather's estate and they took care of my wound.
A few days later, the news about Derrick's death battered my jabbed heart.
Vishnu was the one who arranged Derrick’s funeral.
I decided to attend. I did not know that it would be the worst decision I had ever made.
“What are you doing here?" Vishnu asked.
I smiled painfully. “I… I am his friend. I wanted to…”
Vishnu grabbed my collar and pinned me against the wall. “Friend? You saw him get shot but you didn't do anything. You didn’t even visit him in that hospital! What kind of friend are you?”
What he was doing was suffocating me, but the words he was saying were the things that were killing me most.
“Why can’t you answer?! Did you plan this all along? Did you plan this so I would fall for you?! Are you this lowly?!”
Noah immediately grabbed Vishnu. “That’s enough! Control yourself, you jerk!”
“I wished…” Vishnu glared at me. “I wish you were the one who died. I wish you were the one who die instead of Derrick. I wish Derrick were with me now while you were lying in the freaking coffin!”
That day. The very day when we should escort Derrick to his last destination was the day my heart died.
Vishnu, the love of my life, wished for my death.
I fell for Vishnu too hard and I don’t know how to get up from that fall.
I wished I was the one who died.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Clandestine Affair, book 1 of Affair Duology, is finally completed!
This is the first novel I’ve completed so far and it is a long and hard journey as procrastination always gets the best of me. I enjoyed writing this and I will start writing book 2 of the Affair Duology as soon as I finished editing and revising book 1. All the revelations will be revealed and explained in the second book. If you came to hate Vishnu in the first book, his actions would be justified (I hope so) in the second book.
Also, book 2 will include stories of our side characters. I hope you support and love the second book as much as you do in the CA.
That's all! We’ll see each other in the second book, readers. Love lots!