Asher went through a few different moods lately.
Either he was extremely grumpy and annoyed, so hopped up on drugs that he couldn't wipe the goofy smile from his face, or just very apologetic about everything he did.
Cailen thought he was the most clear-headed when he was apologetic and was kind of thankful he got to talk to Asher like this tonight.
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Ash." Cailen told him, stroking his thumb along Asher's knuckles.
"Yes there is." Asher said, his voice sounding a bit off, a little shaky. "I- I shouldn't have gone. The..." Asher said, trailing off, and his brow furrowing in concentration.
Cailen waited patiently, wanting to tell him that it was okay now that he was pausing but he knew if he did, it'd only upset Asher more because he hadn't meant to pause.
He was trying to think of a word so Cailen didn't interrupt.
"Chief. The chief asked me to finish the day because Brent was sick. I should have- I should have said no." Asher finished and now Cailen could see the tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.
Cailen hadn't asked him about that day yet, they've sort of danced around the subject, both of them knowing that this shouldn't have happened in the first place, but neither willing to start the conversation.
"It doesn't matter, Ash." Cailen shook his head. "All that matters is that you're okay." Cailen told him, lifting his hand and pressing his lips to one of his knuckles, blinking back tears of his own.
"It does matter." Asher argued, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "I put you and Zeke through that. This whole time, even before the... Accident. You warned me." Asher said, looking back up at Cailen.
Cailen shook his head again.
"It doesn't matter. None of that matters." Cailen assured him, he was honestly just happy that Asher was alive.
"You should be mad." Asher mumbled.
"Oh, believe me, I am." Cailen told him.
He was, he was furious, but it's not like that'll help things right now. Cailen couldn't be mad at Asher right now, he needed Cailen to just be here for him right now, nothing else.
"But I'll be mad at you later when you're all healed and walking. That way, you have a chance to run away if you want." Cailen teased.
Asher chuckled slightly but it mostly just turned into a cough.
"I won't. I'll let you nag all you want." Asher told him, smiling up at him. "How is everyone?" Asher asked suddenly.
"Alright, I guess. They're all worried, of course." Cailen told him. "Matt and Hazel are exhausted," Cailen said with a small laugh. "Wil's actually working things out with a manager-"
"A manager?" Asher interrupted.
"Yup, this guy apparently likes his band. He's going to set up a few shows to see how people like them." Cailen explained, watching as surprise crossed Asher's face.
"Wow. He must be freaking out." Asher commented.
Cailen nodded because, yes, he really was.
"Noah... Well, things are complicated with him and Camille. I don't really know what's going on besides she wants to stay friends but its killing Noah, I think. He says hi, by the way." Cailen explained.
Asher frowned at this but nodded his head.
"Your mom is waiting to come and see you." Cailen said, remembering the very hysterical phone call he received from Asher's mother.
Asher groaned at this and Cailen had to bite back a chuckle.
"Oh gosh, she's going to do nothing but cry." Asher complained fondly.
Cailen nodded, agreeing completely with this. It's what Karen does.
"Mom and Dad are waiting as well, Arabella too, so are your firehouse boys . Everyone's just waiting to see you." Cailen explained. "Apparently, you're quite loved." He added to lighten the mood.
"I just... I need more time." Asher said, sounding apologetic.
Cailen nodded, understanding completely. He didn't want to let loose all those complicated emotions on Asher right now, he needed time before that happened.
"But, I would like to see Zeke. You haven't brought him by." Asher said with a slight frown.
Cailen was waiting for this to be brought up, honestly, because of all the people Asher has asked to be kept away, Ezekiel was not one of them.
That was Cailen's own decision.
"I'm just a little worried about... You. You can get a bit snappy, Ash." Cailen said honestly, watching as Asher looked down in a sort of shame like he knew this but wasn't happy about it. "I can take it, I know you don't mean it. But Zeke might not, and-"
"I get it. I just miss him." Asher said miserably. "How is he doing?" Asher asked curiously.
"He's good. He's getting close with that Tripp boy, I think." Cailen answered.
Asher smiled at this, listening intently.
"He's worried of course, always asking to come and see you." Cailen told him and watched as the smile faded from his face.
Cailen thought for a moment, not liking the look on either of their faces when he told them they couldn't see each other.
"I guess... Tomorrow, I could bring him by for a few minutes. But, you have to promise, Ash, you can't snap at him about anything." Cailen said, a warning tone to his voice.
Asher smiled again, brighter than he had all night and Cailen couldn't help but wonder how bright his smile was going to be when Ezekiel came into the room shouting 'Dad'.
Cailen hasn't told Asher about this yet, wanting it to be a surprise for Asher, but it was kind of killing him keeping it from him.
"I promise. You'll be able to tell what kind of mood I'm in, right?" Asher asked.
Cailen nodded because yes, he would be, he always could, minus that lapse this afternoon when that family came to see him.
That was another thing Cailen wanted to ask Asher about but he could tell Asher was barely keeping his eyes open now so he'd have to ask him later.
"Yeah. I'll bring him by after school tomorrow." Cailen promised. "But I've got to go, and you've got to sleep." Cailen said regretfully.
Asher frowned but nodded, his eyes already fluttering shut.
Cailen stood and placed a kiss to Asher's lips, feeling the man weakly returning it, and then he was leaving the room with a whispered parting.
"Goodnight, Ash. Love you."
"Love you, too."
*****
"Papa, look at what I made Dad." Ezekiel shouted after bounding over to Cailen when he spotted him waiting by the car again.
Cailen wondered if Ezekiel was always this excited coming out of school. He never got to see it because Asher usually picked him up.
Cailen smiled at him and how the names 'Papa' and 'Dad' came so easily to him now, it had taken less time than Cailen thought, and knelt down as a piece of paper was shoved into his hands.
Ezekiel beamed at him as he watched Cailen look over the paper. Obviously, he was proud of his work, his work being a drawing of a man in black with a yellow 'DAD' written across his chest.
The man also had pointy ears like batman and a long cape, although it was hard to distinguish what was cape and what was man because they were both black and the boy was only eight years old so it's not like he knew the importance of shading and such.
At the bottom of the page was 'DADMAN' written in big black letters and then Ezekiel's name written in the corner.
It was probably one of the cutest things Cailen had ever seen.
"Oh, wow." Cailen said in amazement. "You drew this?" Cailen asked, looking at Ezekiel.
Ezekiel nodded, his smile bright on his face.
"Do you think he will like it? It's him! Because he's like Batman, he saves people!" Ezekiel said excitedly, jumping in his spot.
Cailen chuckled, reaching out a hand to calm him and wrapping it around his waist so he could pull him closer.
"I think he'll love it, Zeke." Cailen assured, knowing Asher would.
"Will you give it to him?" Ezekiel asked, probably figuring Cailen would be going back to work and would see Asher like he has every night for these past few weeks.
"Why don't you give it to him yourself?" Cailen asked, smiling even more when Ezekiel's face brightened, a small gasp leaving his mouth.
"Really?" He basically squeaked, grabbing the picture from Cailen and darting over to the car to climb into the back seat.
Of course they still had to go home first, eat and do Ezekiel's homework, but he knew Ezekiel wouldn't mind as long as he got to see Asher later on.