There was nothing funny about what Matthew said, nothing to laugh at, yet a choked off laugh bubbled it's way out of his mouth, earning a smirk from Matthew.
"Yeah, it’s great." Cailen mumbled, taking a shaky breath and letting it out in a rush as he looked to the ceiling above, the lights making him squint.
"You're mom wanted me to tell you to call her when she can come see Ash." Matthew said nonchalantly as if Cailen weren't still taking deep breaths in order to keep himself calm.
"And she's always available if you need her to watch Zeke." Matthew added.
Cailen nodded, he knew that already, she had sent him several text messages and he did reply so he didn't know why she felt the need to ask Matthew to tell him.
"So, Papa, huh?" Matthew started, grinning at Cailen.
It was obvious what he was doing, trying to search for a topic that would take Cailen's mind from his thoughts, and he had struck home.
Cailen smiled, turning to Matthew.
"Yeah, oh my gosh, Matt, you have no idea how- ugh, it's amazing." Cailen gushed, feeling his heart calm and his mind clear already.
"I mean, I knew we were taking care of him and we'd feed him and he'd ask us for things and all that family stuff but... It all just feels that much more real now that he's... acknowledging it, you know?" Cailen asked.
Matthew nodded, smiling at him and crossing his arms over his chest as he listened to Cailen ramble on.
"I mean, he had parents that he loved, still loves I'm sure, and he's decided to... pass that on to us. Do you know how big that is?"
"It's pretty big." Matthew grinned, Cailen nodded in agreement.
"It's huge! It's amazing, Ash would be-" Cailen started but his voice dropped off when he realized something.
Asher wasn't conscious when Ezekiel first called him 'Dad'.
That was a huge step in their lives, and he missed it. He was going to be so disappointed.
"Cai? You okay?" Matthew asked, noticing his sudden mood drop.
Cailen nodded, throwing in a shrug and falling back against the sink next to Matthew.
"Yeah, I just... I wish Ash had been there for it, you know, actually awake for it." Cailen explained.
Matthew took a moment to consider this, studying Cailen's face.
"He will be." Matthew said, confusing Cailen. "He'll have his first time and it'll be just as amazing for him as it was for you. It's not like Zeke is going to stop calling you Papa the minute he wakes up." Matthew explained gently.
Cailen nodded because he knew Matthew was right, he just kind of wished they could have shared this moment.
"Zeke will be wondering where you are." Matthew said after a moment.
Cailen sighed, shaking himself from his emotions and pushing himself from the sink.
Matthew was right, Ezekiel would start to wonder where he went and he didn't need the boy to come looking for him, only to find him in the middle of a meltdown.
*****
Cailen was on his lunch break when it happened.
He was sitting in a chair next to Asher's bed, just swallowing a bit of soup he had packed for himself when he heard a noise.
It was kind of a cough but it sounded weak and muffled and Cailen knew it hadn't come from him.
His head jerked up, his feet falling from where they were propped on the frame of the bed.
He was already setting his soup down on the table when another one came, and this time, Cailen saw the jerk of Asher's head as a cough escaped his mouth beneath the mask, muffling the noise.
Cailen was on his feet and hovering over the bed before he could even think about it, looking down as Asher's eyes peeled open.
They didn't open very wide before another cough was coming and he squeezed them shut, more and more coughs coming up.
It was only to be expected, it probably felt a little weird to breathe for him right now with all that crap in his lungs, so the coughing was probably normal, but to Asher, it was probably all a bit confusing.
Asher's right hand came up, going for the mask that covered his nose and mouth. He was probably thinking this mask was the cause of his discomfort but Cailen reached for his hand and grabbed it, entwining their fingers so he couldn't pull it off.
Asher's eyes flew open at the touch and locked onto Cailen's, sending a wave of relief through him, that wave turning into tears of relief as he looked down at the brown of Asher's eyes, something he hadn't realized he's missed all this time.
Asher was still coughing and Cailen felt him tug at his hand but he shook his head, telling Asher he couldn't take it off just yet, not until the doctor checked at him.
Asher obviously trusted Cailen because he stopped fighting and tried to calm himself, taking in ragged breaths and letting his head fall back on the pillow.
Cailen felt a twinge of pain as he looked into Asher's eyes because he could clearly see that the man was scared, absolutely and utterly terrified because he couldn't breathe properly and things probably hurt and some limbs wouldn't move when he wanted them to.
The fear was understandable so Cailen leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, reaching up with his free hand and stroking his thumb along his cheek, hoping to calm him down.
When Cailen saw that Asher had calmed some, he reached for the little red button that would call the doctor…
And pressed it.
*****
"The doctor is on his way, Ash." Cailen told Asher in a quiet tone, for some reason feeling the need to whisper so as not to scare the man further. "Everything is okay, you're okay." Cailen went on, no longer only talking to Asher, but himself.
Asher was awake. His eyes were open, his hand, although very weak, was squeezing his back.
Asher was okay, his lungs were holding strong, kind of, he was awake and he was okay.
Asher spluttered out another few coughs, his breaths getting more and more ragged and Cailen could tell Asher was beginning to panic again because he couldn't breath.
Cailen made a few shushing noises, trying to sooth him and calm him.
Panicking would only make it harder for him to breathe.
Asher's hand tightened in his, though it still wasn't very tight at all and he was beginning to squirm, the full realization of it all finally sinking in.
Cailen felt it in his heart, every uncomfortable jerk Asher made or ragged breath he took, he felt his heart ache because he hated to see Asher in pain.
He hated seeing Asher so scared and panicked, he was usually so calm and brave.
"Calm down, Ash, you're okay, you're fine. Just breathe." Cailen instructed, stroking his thumb over Asher's cheek.
"When the doctor gets here, I can't follow you, but it'll be okay. They'll take care of you. Just breathe, Asher." Cailen told him and as if on cue, Cailen heard the door behind him fly open and a rush of footsteps come shuffling in.
Next thing Cailen knew, he was being pushed out of the way, Asher trying to grip onto his hand but he was too weak.
Cailen sent him what he hopes was a comforting smile as he backed away, pressing his back to the wall to keep out of the way.
Cailen watched the four nurses flick up some latches on the side of the hospital bed, a process he's done enough times to know they weren't even thinking about what they were doing, they were just doing it automatically.
After all the latches were lifted, the top of Asher's bed was being lifted and set on a gurney, the nurses securing the latches again.
Asher's eyes never left Cailen's as the nurses gathered the breathing machine and heart monitor that were on wheels, clipping them to the frame of the gurney so they could go with him, back into the ICU.
Cailen knew this was what was going to happen but he couldn't help his own panic that bubbled in his chest for a moment, very briefly, before he was pushing that aside.
It was like being around Ezekiel again. If Asher saw him panic, it would only set him off, so Cailen plastered a smile on his face as he watched Asher be ushered out of the room.
Cailen wanted to go with him of course, he wanted to help but he couldn't.
Nurses and Doctor's weren't allowed to treat patients they had a personal connection with.
The emotions were too much of a distraction and would probably wind up getting in the way, resulting in hurting the patient in some way.
It was policy and waiting sucked, but Cailen would rather have clear-minded people operating on Asher rather than his boggle minded self.
When the room was empty, Cailen lowered himself into his chair again, his soup long forgotten and going cold.
It had happened so fast that Cailen had to look back at where Asher once laid to make sure he was actually gone and that it had all actually happened.
When he saw that Asher was gone and it had in fact happened, he let out a long sigh in content as a small smile crept to his lips.
Asher was awake and although his recovery will probably be difficult, they would make it through this.