I woke up to Cadmus kissing me on my neck. I smiled when our eyes met. When I looked at my body I was naked, so was he. We were both covered with a comforter. His arm rested in me as he stared at my eyes.
"Thank you for doing it with me," he smiled at me before kissing my forehead. "I'm sorry if I failed to pleasure you, that was my first time." He scratched his nose.
"First time? Huh?" I asked in surprise. "You never failed to pleasure me, Cadmus... That was the best love making I've ever had..." I smiled at him. "You are a monster in bed!" I laughed.
"'The best'? Why, isn't that your first time?" He asked suddenly.
I laughed. "Of course that's my first time!"
"Then 'the best' is not yet sure... But I'll do better next time instead so that'll be the best next." He grinned before brushing my hair away from my face.
I laughed.
We both heard a call from my cellphone. I frowned. Who is that?
"X? Who's X, Erin?" Cadmus asked me while looking at my cellphone screen.
I immediately grabbed the cellphone from him.
I thought I would be quiet today. That's Jarmin who called me.
"It's my classmate," I smiled at him. "Let's go for a walk."
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"When are you going to start?"
I clenched my fist before facing Jarmin. He was just looking at me seriously while I was looking at him intently. We were at the coffee shop again, at the same place where we talked a few days ago.
"Just wait." I said firmly.
This damn guy. I want to rip his head so bad.
He grinned. "I just hope you'll do well... We'll be good. You'll be good. We'll live a happy life and you'll go back to your new life but without worrying financially that much, Erin," He tried to touch my hair but I slapped his hand hard.
"Don't fucking touch me," I said angrily.
"Marry me, Erin, that's included in our deal."
"Fuck you, Jarmin,"
I can't count how many times have I killed him in my mind. My younger self would be so disappointed that I loved someone like him. I'm so glad he helped me get out of that relationship we had and found Cadmus.
"A deal is a deal, Erin and you have to do it. If not, just tell me. I can end him easily. But you don't want that to happen, of course. You love him."
"I'm in college, to chase my dreams! If you loved me, you should've thought about my dreams for myself! You are so selfish!" I screamed at him while my tears slowly fell. "I wish I never met you, Jarmin! I fucking wish we never met! You're the worst!"
His gaze softened. "If only you agreed for us to get back together... I wouldn't go this far."
"Fuck that! He's your friend, right? What did you do? Why are you doing this?" I asked angrily. "You only want me, right? Why do you want me to do such a thing? Why me, huh? Why ruin my happiness?" I asked one question after another.
"Erin..."
"After that, I wish to never see you again."
He looked at me with pain. "Fine, let's do that." He scoffed. "You will really do anything just for that guy, huh? You love him that much that you would even sacrifice yourself and your happiness?"
"You will never understand love, Jarmin. Because you never loved me."
"If that's what you felt I don't want to argue with that anymore. Think I never loved you, fine! Okay! I just want you to finish the deal now if you still want to save that guy. Then I just have to plan what to do with dad."
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"Is everything okay, Cadmus?" I approached him worriedly and massaged his shoulder.
We are now together in the same room. His arm rested on his desk as he massaged his temples. He was looking at a paper.
"There's a problem in the company. The assets are not performing really well."
I heard that familiar word from our school lesson. That is one of the difficult challenges in a bank company---or in a total company.
"What can I do?"
"You don't have to do anything, I can handle this."
"I will find a way to handle it, Cadmus. I'm studying Business, remember?" I stopped my voice from shaking.
"What do you want to do, then?"
I just smiled. I know what I will do.
My suspicion was right, it would only hurt both of us in the end.
"Hi Sister Erin! I was told by someone that you and brother are in a serious relationship now? Is that true? You're dating now for real?" Cadesia was excited about her question to me when she went to the mansion again.
I smiled. "Yes, that's true. We are dating for real now." I answered causing her to applaud.
I stared at Cadesia. What will she think after I made the deal with Jarmin and her brother? I'm sure even she will hate and curse me. Amber has already broken their trust, I will break it again.
"Sister Erin? Are you listening?" She asked me. "Are you tired? Yeah right! From the vacation! I'm sorry for pestering you. I was just so excited to ask it."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Cadesia. I'm really thinking deeply right now. Are you saying something?" I put my arm around her and we entered the mansion together.
Just some of the things I will miss here; are the maids, Manang Aida, Mang Elmo, Cadesia and Senyor Arcajante, the mansion and the treatment of the people here and above all, Cadmus.
Since the day Jarmin and I made a deal, I've always had nightmares. One night I dreamed that Cadmus was crying in front of me when I stabbed him in the back. It seems to symbolize my betrayal of him.
He even got up from his bed when I woke him up because of my scream. I was still crying so he kept kissing my eyelids because my tears won't stop. He had no idea why I kept crying. Because I will hurt him.
"Sweetheart... Is anything wrong?" He worriedly questioned. "Is it a nightmare? tell me..."  he tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. I just cried and hugged him. "Shh..." He continued to hold me but I couldn't stop crying.
I noticed that Cadmus was exhausting himself more and more with his work and I used to wake up in the early hours of the morning and see him taking off his tie.
I feel sorry for him because he seems disappointed in himself, even though it's not his fault. I guess he blames me because I handled it but he doesn't say anything. He was still kissing me on the forehead when he arrived and he was still talking to me calmly.
I felt guilty for everything I did to him so I cried non-stop every night. I kept blaming myself and Jarmin. But I can't do anything but go through with the deal because without it, Cadmus will continue to fall to the ground and I don't want to see that.
He worked hard for everything he got now so I know everything that is happening is painful for him.
"Good night---morning," he said again when he saw that my eyes were open even though it was midnight. He smiled at me as he removed his tie. "Why are you still awake?"
"I was waiting for you," I forced a smile. "How's it working? It should be better by now..."
Lies. Liar. I'm no different than Jarmin and Amber, I'm a liar too. User.
"It's better now..." He lied.
I know it's not better.
Tears welled up in my eyes. How can he say it directly? As if he doesn't care about stress and pain.
"It will be better, Cadmus. I promise you that." I spread my smile more for him.
He smiled back but it disappeared immediately when he saw my eyes. When I touched it, I almost fainted. Fuck, it's swollen!
"Did you cry? Why?" He came to me. He moved to the side of the bed to look at me. "Is there any problem, sweetheart? Tell me... What is it? I noticed that you're always pale and lethargic these days. What's happening?" He asked me worriedly.
My tears started to fall again so I just ran to him to hug him.
He's like my charger and I'm the low battery cell phone because he's like the one who gives me strength. Because when he hugs me, I feel like everything will be fine. I can only say that he is 'too good to be true' but everything he does is true. He seems like a perfect person. He has everything.
He had everything but I still hurt him.
Now I know the answer to the question I asked myself before. 'Why am I being fooled even though I'm beautiful?' because even he was perfect he was deceived.
He doesn't deserve it all. He doesn't deserve a girl like me who will just hurt him. He doesn't deserve to be hurt and watch everything he worked for be destroyed.
I want to fix everything. I will fix everything. I'll find a way.