As soon as I got off the plane I just wanted to go back to Chicago. The air in the Philippines is really different, I am slapped with pain in several million languages. But I can't deny that I really missed it.
Now I will see my friends after several years. They were the first people I called as soon as I landed at the airport.
"We're still at work! Come on!" They said on the other line and laughed. I kept laughing because they keep making corny jokes.
We were still talking on the phone when suddenly I saw a familiar face and body. I will never forget that.
"Cadmus," I called its name. I froze.
He is the reason why I work harder. The reason why even though I was having a hard time with things, I still continued. He is the cause of everything.
My cellphone fell due to the shaking of my hand.
"Ma'am Erin?" Amber asked worriedly.
"I'm okay..." I smiled at her. "How many times do I have to tell you? Don't call me Ma'am Erin if we are alone."
She grinned. "It's a sign of respect, ma'am." She said that she signaled me to walk because the car was waiting.
I looked at Cadmus' place earlier but he was no longer there. What is he doing at the airport? Is he waiting for someone? Maybe his wife? To fetch her?
I have to prepare myself for all the possibilities, the possibilities.
When we faced each other in the meeting room, I saw the shock in his eyes but we both chose to be professional in our work.
I tried to get his attention because I wanted to know how he was doing. What happened in their lives when I disappeared? Does he have a child? Or even a wife? Or bride?
I wanted to ask so many questions but he didn't seem interested in me. He is completely repulsed by me whenever I approach him. Even at the parties we attend.
I looked at Amber who was giggling on the side. She looked at his finger, I couldn't see what was there.
"Please leave me for a while, Amber..." I ordered her to which she immediately nodded. She even seemed to be happy with what I said.
I'll be back in Chicago in a few days. I will also soon get residency because I have already applied there. Just a little bit, I will make all my dreams come true. Just to get Cadmus back.
"Girl, make your face thick! Swallow your pride and go back to him!" Renice was very stressed when she gave me advice.
"Why would she listen to you, Renice? You broke up with your boyfriend!" Laurel commented here.
"Hey, that's harsh!" Nirca laughed.
That same day, I went straight to the stall we used to go to but it was no longer there. When I opened Google Maps, my eyes widened when I found out that there was a big place called Aling Maricar's.
I miss her original turon and other puns.
"Thank you sis, come back next time," she said to the woman in line in front of me. When she saw the next one, but me, her eyes widened. "E-Erin, hija?" It smiled. "Erin, is that you? Do you still remember me?"
I smiled and nodded. I rushed to hug her.
"Oh that smell! It smells like a different country! Where are you from? Were you married when your boyfriend brought you here?"
I still tried to smile at her question but I didn't answer her second question. "I'm from the US, Lady Maricar. I finished my studies there and started a company. I've missed you!" I tried to change the topic to make it less uncomfortable for me.
"Oh! It's heavy. Are you going to scrape my goods?" It was a joke to me, causing us to laugh together. "But you're not with anyone? Where is your boyfriend again?" I was wrong, I really thought I could avoid that topic but I was wrong.
"I'm not with anyone and... Cadmus and I broke up, five years ago." I forced myself to smile at the old woman.
"Is that so? Because he was one of the reasons why this shop of mine grew. He gave me a foundation and then he kept coming back here for the past years..."
"Really?" I asked in surprise. Then he really liked what I fed him before! I smiled at the thought.
"Yes, hija... He even has his sister who speaks in Italian accent with him... It's too bad that you two are gone. I thought you two got along really well until now..."
"Let it go, maybe he has a wife now..."
"Maybe so... Sometimes he had a girl with him who was pale and beautiful and always had a bun hairstyle. At first I thought she was just his friend because all I knew was you. Now I have confirmed that she is his current girlfriend of your ex-boyfriend." He says.
In a bun? I only remember Kimberly being like that but what I know is that they have no interest in each other? That's what they told me, eh. But it's not far because they've been together for a long time.
After eating there, I went straight to the park to cool off. There are many children playing in the park's new playground and the fountains are even bigger. The statue of the ancient heroes of the province has also been scattered.
I looked at the children buying cotton candy and balloons. That one kid even drags his mother to the man who sells balloons so that he can buy them for her. His mother was shaking so I came there. The tears are falling on the child's cheek.
"Hello, how much each?" I asked the vendor. I couldn't stop myself. My English speaking accent has also changed. I said it more straight and natural.
The vendor looked stunned when he saw me. "Veinte each, ma'am,"
"Veinte?" I tried to think what the hell is veinte. I forgot about it. Is it fifty pesos? "Fifty?"
"Twenty, ma'am," he corrected me.
I laughed and nodded. "How many balloons left?" I will ask.
"27 balloons ma'am." This is the answer.
I nodded and counted the children. "... Twenty six. Total of twenty six children, perfect." I nodded and looked at the vendor. "I'll get everything. Five hundred forty pesos, right?" I calculated it in my mind.
He nodded. He looks shy.
I handed him the whole thousand. He would have retaliated against me but I stopped him. "Keep the change. Just give all the balloons to the children. I'll have the last balloon." I smiled.
He nodded at me one after the other with a smile. "Thank you ma'am!"
"Thank you!" Thanking me as children at the same time. I kept smiling.
Next I bought the cotton candy. I finished it and sat on the bench again to warm up because it was sunny.
I really miss the heat in the Philippines. Americans like that because they get tanned skin.
It made me think again about my ex-boyfriend who I used to be with here. Just thinking that he has a new girlfriend or maybe a wife and then they have a child makes me cry.
That should be me.
"Fuck this!" I started crying. "I miss him so bad! Why the hell is he ignoring me?" I'm like a kid whose parents didn't buy candy. "I miss you so much, Cadmus Arcajante! Fuck you! Fuck this! Fuck everything! Fuck everyone!" I sobbed.
I miss him so much... But what can I do? I'm too late for everything. I can't take it back, I'm too late. I did him wrong and there's no chance to make it right.
I went home after that. The next day, I went shopping to buy gifts for Grace and my coworkers in other countries.
My eyes widened when I saw Cadesia with a slender man. Looks like her Japanese boyfriend? He was kissing her cheek.
When our eyes met I saw anger in her eyes. She immediately whispered to the man who looked in my direction before they walked away. I tried to chase them, I wanted to explain everything to her. Even just for her.
"Cadesia!" I shouted as I pulled the girl with her back. When she turned around, it wasn't her, I just mistook him because they were wearing the same color of clothes.
Damn... I have no hope for this.
The day before we returned to Chicago, I found out from my co-worker that he had a friend at Cadmus's company that he and his secretary has been dating. I even saw the two of them in the meeting room together so I'm sure Kimberly is the secretary he's referring to.
So all this time... They've been waiting for each other? They're dating now?
I cried so much that night. I kept wishing that the time would go faster so I could go back to another country because I can't take the pain I'm getting anymore. I really have no hope. There is no hope of correcting all my mistakes towards him or even his family.
Maybe we won't go back to before...
The next morning my eyes were still swollen so when Amber saw the swelling she hugged me. Because I found out about the relationship between his secretary and Cadmus at the same time.
"There are many more men... Let it go... You can find a man for you too."
"I don't think so..." I cried again as I got on the plane.
"I'm not going with you now ma'am... I have things to finish. I found the right man." She smiled at me. "Thank you, Ma'am Erin. You changed me and my life. Thank you. I'm resigning."
I watched her go down the stairs.
She won't go with me. I'm alone.
Cadmus has a girlfriend. War is over. I have nothing more to fight for. I'm too late.