Elena Sergio
I missed Matthew. I knew I did. So bad. So very bad. I missed hearing his voice, his laugh, listening to him speak. I missed the times we had at lunch, just the two of us at our table, and sometimes our occasional mate, Dana, a shy introvert. I missed how he always told me things about his life and the time we spent talking. And now I thought of it I overreacted, I should never have lashed out at him. Told him what I did. That was the stupidest, but what had been done had done. And as much as I missed Matthew, I felt my actions were justified.
Why wouldn't he quit bugging me about KJ? At first, I thought he was just looking out for me and all, as my best friend, because if it were him, I'd do the same, but then it all just got too much. It was almost as if he was looking for any little thing to use as a negative for KJ. Anything little thing to pin him down. And after what he said last week, I got fed up. It was all too much. At the lunch table, he'd refused to sit there because KJ was at it, and then after school, he came up to tell me some bullshit story about KJ which sounded so made up that I couldn't even stand it.
KJ talking to me was a dare? I sounded too stupid to be real, and although I'd done something thinking of my own too, I just couldn't accept the fact. It could be possible. No way. Besides, KJ just got here like two months ago. Why would he want to do that when he was still navigating his way around the school, more so as an international student?
It was all too much, really, and as much as I was confused, I was upset and tired as well.
Somehow, I couldn't look at KJ without wondering if Matthew had been right all along. If all of Kj's words, all his actions, his smiles, the kiss we'd shared on my front porch under the light bulb it was just another lie stemming from the fact that it was a dare.
Sighing, I dug my fork into my pasta and rolled it. Why couldn't everything just be so easy and Matthew just like KJ being with me? What was he against? For goodness sake, why didn't he like KJ?
"What's up?"
I looked up from my tray, my eyes settling on KJ'S like brown ones.
"Huh?" I asked.
"What's up? You're quiet today, unlike other days," he said.
I'd been sitting with KJ for the past two weeks and after our dinner date the last two days, he invited me to join him at his table, although the table is normally empty on some days. Like today.
"Oh, nothing." I shook my head, not wanting to tell him I was worried about Matthew and I was upset that we didn't talk anymore.
"You sure?" KJ asked. Suddenly, he reached over and placed his hand on my free one. "You do know you can tell me anything, right?"
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "It's fine KJ, trust me. If it was important I'd surely tell you."
It is important. It is the most important thing ever. Heck, I was about to lose my best friend of eleven years over you who I just met like two months ago. It is absolutely important.
"Alright then," KJ shrugged, letting go of my hand. "If you say so."
"Yep," I murmured and looked back at my tray. I picked at the pasta, rolled it on my fork, and stuffed it into my mouth, mentally cursing myself afterward for not bringing the lunch mom packed for me at home.
"So, how's your prom plans going?"KJ asked all of a sudden.
Chewing slowly, I looked back up at him. "Prom plans?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "I mean, have you bought your dress and stuff, what plans have you made?"
"Oh." I made an O sign with my lips. Why was he asking me this? Didn't he know that I have been waiting for him for ages now? I mean, was it obvious enough that I had no one yet? I know guys have asked but I was interested in only one person and that was him, KJ. What more did I have to do to make him see that and ask me out already?
"I don't have any plans yet," I told him. "As for my dress and what I'll wear, that's not a problem. The problem is who to go with."
"Who to go with?" He raised an eyebrow.
Since he wanted to play dumb, I decided to act along.
"Yeah, who to go with. I've been asked already, Jeff from math class made it three yesterday, but I'm not sure, so I haven't made a pick yet."
"Oh, you have been asked," he commented, giving me a smirk and relaxing back into his seat. He crossed his arms, his biceps bulging through the fabric of his short-sleeved shirt, and stared at me.
"Yeah, I have," I said, averting my eyes from his smoldering yet piercing gaze and directing them toward his bicep, yet again wondering how someone could be so physically perfect.
"I see," he said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I met his eyes once more, smiling now.
"Ah, nothing nothing, I'm just chilling. Observing," he shrugged coolly.
"What about you though?" I asked, nodding my head slightly.
"It's the same as you." He shrugged again, uncrossing his arms and leaning forward again. "I've been asked too, although by a lot more people, but I don't know yet. I'm still to make a pick."
At his words, my heart fell.
"Oh, okay," I muttered. "I thought so too."
And then I decided to ask, "But of all of them though, would you like to choose any?"
"I don't know," he said. "I'm not sure, but what I'm sure of is that I highly doubt. What about you though? Same thing as me?"
"Yep," I nodded, rolling up another fork of pasta. "Sane thing."
°°°°
Classes had ended. Classes had ended and so had my pride. All the while lessons had been going on, I'd been making up my mind about speaking with Matthew and at the end of the lessons, I finally decided I would.
I didn't care anymore. I realized I'd never given Matthew a chance to explain himself before I flared up and that was the silliest thing I ever did, so I decided I would find him and hear him out this time around.
I left the field where we'd just had PE as soon as I heard the bell go off and made my way to the girls' locker room. There I changed out of my sportswear into the clothes I'd worn to school—a blue shirt, black skinny jeans, and black boots, not bothering to take a shower seeing as I hadn't done much work on the field today.
And I hadn't gotten any disturbance too from Anabel. I hadn't been getting any form of disturbance from her as of late. It was as if she'd just turned off her being-a-bitch button towards me. I'd seen her bullying some others though, but as for me, she seemed to have completely stopped. For the past two weeks, there'd been no snarky comments, no nudging, and shoving, no "random" hate letters in my locker. Everything has just been calm, and it got me wondering even though I haven't dwelt on it much. What was she really up to though? Has she changed?
Not having time to dwell on it, I stuffed my sportswear into my duffel bag, put the bag into my locker, and shut it.
I headed out of the locker room and went back out into the hallways where a crowd of students was milling about. I weaved my way through the numbers, heading out of the school building to the parking lot where I knew Matthew would be. In the parking lot, leaning on his car and probably using his phone or talking with a random person.
And I was right. I went outside the school building and straight to the parking lot to meet Matthew doing exactly as I thought—leaning against his car.
The only difference was that he wasn't leaning there alone, by himself, instead, he was with someone. He was with Clara.
Unconsciously, my heart skipped a beat. I remembered him telling me Clara had asked to be his prom date but I didn't know they were this close now. She was leaning beside him on his car, her arms crossed, looking at him with a smile as he talked enthusiastically and animatedly about something—from my vantage point I couldn't quite get what it was.
Was Clara his new best friend? He was talking to her with the same enthusiasm he used to talk to me. The kind reserved for just me and no one else. He was sharing it with her, or anger giving it all to her. How could he? Had he forgotten all about me already? Had he forgotten about our time as friends so quickly?
I was jealous. I was jealous and I wasn't hiding it, neither was I ashamed to say it. Matthew was my best friend. Not Clara's, not anyone else's, and I know I've been an asshole but that didn't change the fact he was and would always be my best friend. And first ever crush, although it died a long time ago.
I wasn't going to just stand there and watch them relate like they'd known each other for eternity. After all, up until last month, Matthew had never bothered about Clara, even though she'd tried to get him to talk with her occasionally.
I walked across the parking lot and over to Matthew's car, feeling I couldn't take it anymore.
"Matt," I called on getting to them.
At the sound of my voice, Matthew loled away from Clara and at me immediately. For the briefest of moments, I saw an emotion cross his eye before quickly disappearing within the depths of his eyes' cerulean color. It had been one of . . . longing?
But it was gone now. Looking away from me, he looked back at Clara. "So, as I was saying—"
"Matt please," I interrupted him. I deserved it. After the way I treated him, I knew I deserved what he'd just done
"Matthew, please, we need to talk," I added.
"Oh, so, now you wanna talk?" He looked back at me, raising an eyebrow.
"Can't you see we're in the middle of something, Elena? Go talk with KJ or something," Clara said then.
"I just need my best friend for some minutes," said, looking at Matthews all the while, waiting to see his reaction. There was none.
"He's busy," Clara crossed her arms. "Obviously. And he doesn't have some minutes to spare."
"Is she your advocate now?" My eyes remained on Matthew, a mild frown beginning its journey in my eyebrows. "She does the talking for you now?"
"Advocate slash prom date, news flash," Clara clicked her fingers.
"Matt, please." I tried again, ignoring Clara. "Come on please, just hear me out."
Finally, Matt turned his head toward my direction, our eyes meeting. "What do you want?" He stared at me.
"Can she leave?" I signaled toward Clara. "She needs to."
"No." Matt shook his head. "She stays right here."
"It's important that she does." I looked at Matt pleadingly.
"You looked me in the face, Elena, and told me to go fuck myself. My own best friend. I was only fucking looking out for you and that's what I get? A bloody insult? How's that for friendship huh."
I opened my mouth to speak when he cut me off.
"You know what," he said, straightening up from the car and taking Clara's hand. "You go fuck yourself."
And then he walked out on me, taking Clara with him.
For several moments, I stood rooted to the spot, unable to do a thing, and then finally, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.
What just happened?