Chapter fifty
Chapter fifty
I had to sit the whole event out. In the midst of hundreds of other people, I was seated upon the most extreme pew in the building.
Around me, I saw peaceful faces all tainted with focus and emotion while Howard went on with the Word. Probably, all these faces had their own problems beneath them, things they all struggled with.
As for now though, it was buried like a hatchet at the back of their minds. Why? Because there was a Priest trading the floors of the pulpit offering hope of a future, everlasting happiness.
It had been three days and Noah and I hadn't said a word to each other; just living in the same home…house big enough we almost never crossed paths daily.
While I realised he used that period to sink into a world of hopelessness and extreme loneliness, I used that period to have a quick rundown of my entire life.
Now, it wasn't only Noah who'd fought his way out of the claws of death, it was my father as well. Although presently not in good terms with me, I'd found my brother. However, I still needed to find Dad.
I'd spent hours staring into the clouds; seemingly a newfound way I had to fold my emotions into a block. I was waiting for a miracle to happen; like Noah walking in through that doorway and telling me he'd forgiven me out of the blue.
When that didn't happen, I kept staring into the clouds vainly. It helped, somehow.
Having done that for three days though, the thought to speak to someone actually came to mind, or else I was going to lose my sanity.
Emily was certainly not going to have an answer for this, neither would Simon.
I needed someone who knew my brother like the pages of an open book. And so, what better person than the man who'd cared for him for sixteen years.
Back to the present…
Towards the conclusion of the mass, I believe Howard sighted me seated there hopelessly. Before he resumed his words, I saw a tiny smile line his mouth.
Well, I was prepared for whatever drams would erupt from this.
"I told him," I said while we stalked side by side several minutes later.
Today, I realised St Eugene's had more scenery to offer than its main structures. Generally, the lawns and the stone constructions reminded me of a scene in some medieval British show.
"I knew you would eventually," I'd expected something. Shock, maybe. However, he had that indifferent twist in his lips like he saw this coming. "Let me guess, he presently pretends you don't exist."
Yup. He did know Noah like an open book, alright.
My confirmation to his words was affirmed by my silence. When nonchalance came from someone you loved most, it sort of hit differently. "Thanks for saving his life."
Finally, I saw a smile come up. The grassland marking the premises just never seemed to come to an end. How long had we been walking again?
When this conversation started, I'd pretty much confirmed it was exactly what I needed.
"That's the best decision I've made in my entire life, Jeffery," Howard stated gleefully. "Nobody who was seated in that church would guess I'd once smuggled drugs or ended lives like a movie show. It sort of proves a point, yunno."
Suddenly, I turned stiff. With jaws clenched, I stared away to blink the moisture forming in my eyes away. Obviously, I got his drift.
"No past life is too impossible to change from," he answered his own question. By now, it was an answer too accurate I now believed it. I was a living example, wasn't I?
"How did you get rid of the guilt and everything," I tossed a stone pebble I picked up into the still lake by our side.
There, we both stopped to watch the ripples form and die off as quickly as could happen.
"I came clean," he shrugged easily. "Apparently, letting things off your chest happens when you let them out your lips first. Genuinely, I did wish I could undo my wrongs. Impossible as it could be, you could fix things. I gave the drugs and money out, even served three years in jail. Afterwards, I decided to give my entire life into helping others not make the same mistakes I had."
Wow.
His words spurred me to smile. The first part was something I could relate to. Even though my brother literally hated me now, I could say I was partly out of my misery of keeping the secret. "You did the right thing, Howard," I'd say that again if need be.
He nodded. "You too, Jeffery. Noah will get over it surely and everything will be fine. In the meantime, there's something you still need to do, and I believe you already know what that is."
Narrowing my eyes, I nodded.
***
I'd waited a whole week before making any move.
When I entered into the living room, Emily and Noah were in a deep conversation. Or more accurately, she was the only one speaking.
Noah seemed like he left his mind in another universe or something.
Simon and Joey were in their own world of whispers and questions that they threw at each other.
When they sighted me though, every pair of eyes fell on me uncertainly.
At this moment, I could read all their minds.
Why in God's name did Jeffery summon all four of us in here? It was almost written with bold ink on their faces.
"Don't worry, people," I'm not going to take your time at all," I said. I'd wasted the next few seconds to lean against the cushion and scan their faces though. Apart from my older brother, the rest were attentive, cautious, curious as to what this was all about.
For no reason in particular, I played with my fingers and watched as I did. Okay, there was a reason; I didn't wish to stare.
"You four are the only ones who know of my crimes and all I'd done before now," I began. Soon, I could gather confidence from a random hole and look at them.
There was no shakiness. No sweat or nervousness; just calm and composure I used to the whole week to practice for.
Now, I saw their looks switch from curiousness to expectance. I doubted they'd ever listened to anything like they were now.
"We all know the grievance and punishment behind all those crimes," the pain in my throat came again that made me pause.
However, when I studied my brother once again who easily never looked back at me, I sighed. "Consequently, I've decided to turn myself in to the police and serve the punishment for my actions."