Chapter forty nine
His reaction was the last thing I expected; laughter. Yeah right; it was still all a joke to him.
The wind began to sway briskly over us. As I turned to look out the direction of the balcony edges, I had to cringe my eyes for the moment. Maybe also because I lacked the guts to stare at him.
Noah's shivering hand forced the glass of wine up to his lips again; and this time, he consumed all the content in one angry gulp. "If this is a joke, Jeff, it is sort of sick, don't you think?"
His words made me shut my eyes in shame. Just like himself, I too wished I was joking. "I'm a culprit of homicide, Noah." Finally gathering enough courage, I looked upon him. "Ever wondered why I limp? I escaped death in a tragic accident with Max; he didn't make it. Jake? I drilled him open like meat. Lizzie's headshot was a convenient blunder back then, while I'd drugged Willie with poison."
While I'd been narrating, I heard his breathing turn harsh. His control was snapping gradually.
I saw him look into his glass again. When he must have remembered it was empty, he had a pained smile. "And there goes my appetite."
"Noah…"
"Oh, just shut up," he almost whispered.
Gasping, I had my eyes on him, praying this wouldn't go out of hand and just ruin everything. That seemed unlikely though.
I noticed his skin glisten with sweat. Slowly, he seemingly struggled to raise his hand and wipe his face. "How…where…"
He trailed off to sniff in and blink severally. This was hard for me. The fact he found it difficult to even form words bothered me more than I know an outburst would have.
Soon after, Noah let his eyes ravage around restlessly as though searching for something. When they fell on his wheelchair only a few feet away, he yelled. "Joey…Joey!"
Was he…ignoring my presence?
At this point, offering to help him into his chair was just going to end up like pouring water over a rock.
Still, I had the instinct to sort this out now before he left. "Noah, please listen. I'd acted irrationally and completely regret it now…"
"Joey," he called out one last time.
Never in my entire life could I remember my brother and I having a rift. But then, this one seemed like it would leave a scar. The thought brought tears to my eyes.
Joey had finally approached from the living room and out here on the balcony with the tinge of caution marring his usually stern face. From Noah, his uncertain eyes fell on me.
"Could you help me into my chair? Please." My brother swallowed deeply. Evident traces of pain and disappointment showed in every part of him; and I was guessing he was desperate to leave my sight before he did something stupid.
Although completely shattered, I'd come to my feet by now, trying to get him to look at me.
This was supposed to be the way to fix everything, wasn't it? "Noah, can you just listen?!"
By now, Joey had aided him up from his seat and lowered him into the wheelchair.
When I almost thought he'd just leave at once, the control he was trying to build suddenly snapped.
Noah faced me one more time, visible traces of tears on his face now. When he looked at me, he was shaky. "Listen to what exactly? Your attempt at justification? What…what changed you?"
The question hurt almost physically I felt my jaws drop open. Looking unto my shoes now, I saw the right in his words.
"You're not the Jeffery I used to know," he shook his head with a frown. "Homicide, really? When did you become so cold that the thought even got to you? Little Jones I remember loved making the best of every situation; he couldn't hurt a fly! But now, you turned yourself to a serial killer. For what exactly, vengeance? You felt like some brother's keeper, didn't you?"
I'd begun to shiver and tried to bite down my cries. Honestly, I didn't have the answers to any of his questions. What had changed me?
When I was younger, I'd never pictured having to experience his temperamental side. Usually, everytime he'd lost it, it had always been for me. For the first time though, its direction was on me.
"I'm disappointed in the least," Noah shrugged weakly and bowed his head in plain disapproval.
All I could manage was a stare. I watched as he rolled his chair in like a heavy weight had suppressed his shoulders. Joey followed suit after sending a nod my way. Behind it though, I read slight signs of shock on his face.
When it was myself alone now, my knees weakened considerably; and once again, I slumped into the seat below. Had I done this wrong?
Wasn't God's path supposed to be flawless and successful? Presently, the weight of it all had undoubtedly left me, freed me of the heaviness that was previously there.
I won't lie, my breathing was easier now. In a go, I let out the pound of unclean air stuck in my lungs.
But with the liberty, there was pain.
Well, I guess that was the price I had to pay.
***
Silence reigned for several moments than I could count. Although horribly needed, it didn't last long.
"Wow, that happened." Simon exclaimed almost quietly. While that was all he could manage for a while, the look on his face held all the possible words.
"You were a bit too harsh on him, Noah," Mrs Harper was rubbing her hand soothingly on my arm. Well, if that was what I got each time, I'd fake sadness all my life.
My brother had a brow cocked disdainfully when he returned my stare, probably wondering what else he was supposed to have done.
Honestly, as much as I respected him, he did have one pesky, nonchalant side that could climb on your nerves sometimes. Well, didn't we all?
"I was supposed to open a toast at the news that my brother committed multiples homicides, wasn't I?" Sarcastically, he forced a smile with his arms crossed.
It was my turn to give him a glare, which he returned of course.
"Can we save the spike for later?" The words came from a teenager named Justin who I swore I never realised was in the room with us. Smirking, he set his pen for notes and met my eyes. "I'm wondering what you did after that."
I let my shoulders rise in a nonchalant shrug and faked thinking. "I paid Howard a friendly visit."