“A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin and the other person ends…” They are drawn from the framework of your core beliefs, your perspectives, options, and the social environment you have lived in. Boundaries can be physical or emotional, and they can range from loose to rigid. Thus, setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and well-being.
What are healthy boundaries?
– In general, healthy boundaries are those boundaries that are set to make sure that you are mentally and emotionally stable. Healthy boundaries can serve to establish one’s identity. By being able to set healthy boundaries it can someone define their individuality and can help people what they will and will not hold for themselves responsible for.
Why are setting boundaries important?
Boundaries are important as it plays a crucial part in keeping relationships mutually respectful. If you don’t set healthy boundaries, you are most likely to be at the mercies of others. This means you allow others to tell you how to think, act, and feel. It also means you tend to spend your time and energy doing the things that others wants you to do, intend of doing the things you want to do. In the long run, this can lead to frustrations and depression.
Here are some signs that you lack boundaries:
– Your relationships tend to be difficult and dramatic. The less boundaries you set, the more you give others the signal that you don’t know how to take care of yourself. This will leave you open to people who wants to control you. In other words, you may be in a situation or relationship where you are codependent and the relationship is lacking an equal exchanges of give and take.
– You may find decision making a real challenge. When faced by a decision, your mind went blank.
– You really hate to let people down. People without boundaries tend to go along other people’s plan, or worry about letting other people down to the extent they just say yes.
– Their is feeling of guilt and anxiety. Many people with boundaries issues feel guilty for the smallest things. You may feel responsible if others aren’t happy.
– You are often tired for no apparent reason. When you always do what others want means that you are left to cram your own life during the time you have left, which is exhausting.
– Your radar is off when it comes to sharing. Lacking personal boundaries can lead to over sharing private details of your life with people you’ve just met, leaving you open to hurt and manipulation.
– You are constantly the victim of situations. If you have no boundaries set others may take advantage of you in both obvious and subtle ways.
– You feel annoyed most of the time. When you feel a bit of annoyance of people who are edgy and a tiny bit off. The reason is that you are going against your own values and desires nonstop.
– You secretly feel that others don’t show you respect.
– You might be passive aggressive.
– You often wonder about who you are.
– Your secret fear is being rejected or abandoned.
Remember that boundaries are not something that makes you feel unhappy. Most of us are scared to set boundaries, worried we won’t be liked or may be miserable. It is not true because if you set boundaries you will attract people that are willing to respect you and want good things for you. There are set not to limit your joy but to protect your joy. As you learn more of who you are all and the personal experience of life, you will change. So, your boundaries change too. The personal healthy boundaries you’ve set or you may want to set are based on your own values system and perspective, and it might be different from someone else. This means that you don’t need to explain or defend your boundaries. You just need to set them. And if someone refuses to abide or accept them, then it’s the time to question yourself if you really need this person in your life anymore. If you still have a trouble setting healthy boundaries here are the four stages you need to know that will help you manage your boundaries.
Stage 1
Ask yourself these questions:
– Do you sometimes doubt that you have the right to have your needs met, or make little effort to have them met?
– Do you avoid speaking up for yourself, and do you let things go without reacting to bad situations?
– Do you tend to avoid conflict? Do you let others have their way or allow them to make decision for you?
– Do you sometimes agree to do things that you don’t really want to do? And later regret it?
If you answered mostly “yes” then chances are that people see you as a soft touch who they can manipulate you into doing what they want without negotiation. It is then the time to strengthen your boundaries.
Stage 2
Understanding your needs. You may believe that to get along with others, you need to give much more than you take. Perhaps you say things like “Whatever you choose will be great!” and agree to do things that you don’t want to do and shouldn’t have to do. This may avoid conflicts to others, but it can crap conflict inside of you. Anger and tension build because you’re not doing what you need to do, and this can lead to bad behavior or burnout. It is way more better to identify what you need and develop strategies to ensure your needs are met. So, think of the times you feel angry, tense or resentful, or those times of your reaction to something that embarrassed you. These were likely the occasion where your needs weren’t met. It is important to understand and manage your own needs. Do not minimize your own self-worth. You deserve the treatment and respect you give to others.
Stage 3
Setting your own healthy boundaries
Now that you understand the needs and boundaries that must be place in for you to be happy, you must change your behavior and let others know. They won’t figure out on their own. The key is being assertive. This means being firm but not aggressive to your own rights, needs, and boundaries while considering others. When you are assertive, you get your point across firmly and firmly but with empathy. An essential to this is to practice saying “no”, politely but firmly. Many people find this hard to do, but if you say “yes” to everything, you are mostly likely to risk not having enough time to do anything properly. You are risking the things that are in need to be done, and you will end up feeling used or frustrated. Far better say “no” more often to concentrate on meeting your needs. Effective time management is another crucial element of boundary-setting. When you put your energy into one thing, without taking the time for both your work and personal responsibilities, you in risk of overloading yourself. With good time management, you can get things done more efficiently and effectively.
Stage 4
Maintains and respecting your boundaries
Setting boundaries will likely give you an immediate sense of empowerment, but holding your lime and maintaining them can be hard. Especially if others are used to you not doing so. You need to maintain a clear sense of you will or not accept, but be realistic and adaptable when necessary. Reset boundaries to suit your situation, and rethink the ones that seem to be too rigid later. Remember not to isolate yourself or to simply stop collaborating. When your boundaries are triggered, look out for the negative emotions that you associate with the situation to control them, while calmly reasserting those boundaries.
Strong personal boundaries establish your right to meet your own needs. They empower and enable you to control your emotional well-being, and help you to maintain healthy spaces between you and other people so that you can work and interact more effectively with them.