Humairah didn't know what to do as she watched her sister pace around the room. It was obvious Nur was going through a lot and she didn't trust herself to say the right things to calm her down so instead, she chose to keep quiet and allow her to calm Down on her own.
10 minutes had barely passed when Humairah heard her sister's voice from across the room
" The day I saw that CD for the first time, Amar wasn't present, he had visited earlier that month, his visit were monthly or 2 times a month as he had just gotten a job and didn't want to start skipping work, he also didn't get me the driver. He said he hadn't gotten a trustworthy person yet. I called him and told him and he promised to come the next week, I also told Ummah, she even cried in the phone telling me I grew too fast. She advised me on the do's and don't's of a pregnant woman.
Exams were fast approaching and I was getting heavier, Raashidah tried her best with me, she escorted me to school all the time and always came to pick me for lectures, I will always be thankful to her.
I had written all my exams except one, that one was supposed to be on Thursday 5th September, Doctor Jamil had told me that from my scan, my expected date of delivery was 8th of September so he recommended that I should be admitted as early as 4th, I agreed on the condition that he will allow me to take my exams on the 5th.
Amar was supposed to come on the 2nd but he told me that he had work to do but he will try and make it the next day. I kept on begging him to come, I just wanted him by my side, I remember I kept calling him until he got angry and switched off his phone, but don't blame me I was all alone. Raashidah had gone to tend to her sick mother, I couldn't stop her I would be cruel to do that. I couldn't impose on my course mates they had done enough for me and it was exam time, most of them wanted to read and staying with me was adding to their work load.
On 3rd September Amar had still not come, in the night around 8 to 9 pm, I had prayed my isha'a and had sat down to read. I had started experiencing stomach aches since around 5pm but it wasn't so bad and it was intermittent so I thought it would finally go or it was stress. By 8pm, the magnitude of the pain started increasing as the frequency it occurred increased, I felt like my pelvis was about to pull out. I screamed at the top of my lungs, until I could no longer scream. I cried for help, I felt the urge the urge to push but I couldn't, the pain had become permanent and was increasing in magnitude.
Later I started supplicating anything that came To my mind, when the pain decreased a bit, I reached for my phone and called Amar but he wasn't picking. I tried to send a text but I couldn't form a sentence, I kept on calling but he didn't pick, later I sent him a voice note via WhatsApp. When I started feeling water trickling down my legs, I knew I was in labour and I needed help, if not for me but for my baby, so I called Dr jamil but he wasn't picking up too. I called him several times but he still didn't pick up so i managed to type the word"hwellppp" and i sent it to him.
When the pain began to intensify again, i tried to breath and whenthe urge to push came I tried to push putting all I had learn during antenatal to use but nothing was happening. my energy was all drained and another nauseating wave came which made me scream again for help but nobody heard me or nobody cared to help.
I gripped the side of my bed and pushed until I started feeling dizzy and when I looked down, I saw blood trickling slowly from between my leg to the brown rug, I was so scared that I felt my consciousness was beginning to leave me and I felt so was my life. I tired not to worry but I couldn't help it.
I heard it was normal for a small amount of blood to come out during labout but was this the small amount they were talking about?
So I chose to do one thing right, I chose to pray, that was when I realized I had done terrible things in this world, I had done nothing to deserve Allah's favour, that was the first time I truly regretted committing zina with my husband, that was when I saw all the excuses I consoled myself with in their true pathetic nature, so I prayed to Allah.
"Ya Allah, I know I don't deserve your pity nor your mercy but ya Allah I know you are the merciful and the all forgiving.
Yaa Allah please spare my baby, let him live ya Rahman, let him grow in your guidance, don't let him go astray like I did.
Yaa Allah, I love this baby more than my life Ya Allah please let me give birth to him.
Yaa Allah end his suffering, I know I had conceived him in the wrong way, maybe this is the consequence of my action but yaaAllah you said we should call onto you and you will answer us ya Rahman save my Baby, save Abduljalal and ya Allah please save me too.
I want to worship you and properly ask for your forgiveness, I have realised my wrong doings too late, ya Allah, please give me another chance to right my wrongs and give me a chance to hold my child and to kiss him." and I slipped out of my consciousness.
"Mairah when one feels he's about to die, his life flashes right before his eyes.He pinpoints his mistakes easily and wallow in regrets and at that moment the regret that drowned me was that of committing Zina.
I couldn't help but think of so many what ifs, I felt I was responsible for the state I was in.
If I was patient enough to preserve myself I wouldn't be in this house all alone, dying with my innocent baby fighting for his life at such a young age.
I wouldn't have skipped antenatal because I was scared to reveal how many months my pregnancy was, I wouldn't have stressed my baby in the first trimester when he needed utmost care because I wouldn't be in school or getting married or trying to hide a pregnancy or preparing for exams or trying to keep Down the vomit to avoid suspicion or eating junks because I had no time to cook.
I wouldn't be without my husband because by then he would have been more responsible, more considerate, more available for me.
I would have been confident enough to ask my mum for help anytime without worrying that it will remind her of the disgraceful act I had committed,I would have been with my mum just the way Hausa people do when the bride is about to give birth without the fear of people gossiping and calculating how many months my pregnancy is meant to be, I would have ........