KENT'S POV
"I really miss her, damn it," I said as I throw another rock into the lake.
"You'll see her soon, Kent. Just wait, okay? You're so impatient," said Jane who is also with me here in the park today.
Just as friends.
It's been three months. And in th9£3 three months I've been back to this park, I still haven't seen her.
Selene, come back, please...
Almost every day, I patiently wait for her. I always wait for her return. Since she disappeared, she never showed up to me, or to Jane or Isabelle. We also completely lost communication with her.
I know the pain of what I said to her the last time we met. But I regret that.
I want to apologize to her.
Fortunately, as I wait now, Jane is with me. Sometimes, it is tedious to wait for three months without a single skip.
Sometimes, I think of giving up. Sometimes, I wonder if I should wait any longer, or if I should still wait at all. But I also think, if Selene comes back here and I’m gone, what will happen then?
It may be one of my greatest regrets in this lifetime.
So I'll wait.
I will wait for her.
I will wait for her because I love her.
"Hello Is— I mean, Iselle?" Jane said as she answered someone's call to her. "What? Okay okay, I'm on my way. Bye."
I looked at her so she also looked at me as sbe put her two hands together and she pout in front of me. Cute.
But wait, that doesn't mean that because I find her cute, I still love her.
Jane was my past. Selene is my present.
Selene is the one I love. Selene is my life... even though she's not here now.
"Kent, I'm really sorry but I just have an important appointment to go to," she explained to me before she slung his sling bag that looked antique on her shoulder. "I will go first, okay? Bye!"
She ran away so here I am again, alone again sitting in the tree where Selene carved 'Kent ♥ Selene'.
As much as I can, Selene.
"I will wait..."
SELENE'S POV
"Don't tell everyone that I'm already here in the Philippines, okay?" I said to the person I was talking to on the other line.
And who am I talking to? None other than Kayleigh. The cutie, cutie child. Hihi.
"Yes. I won't tell anyone," she replied cheerfully to me. "Let's meet. I miss you so much!"
I chuckled. "I know. It was so obvious on your reactions."
"Of course, ate! You've disappeared for a long time!" she explained to me. "Three months?! Even kuya Kent misses you already!"
I stopped walking when I heard his name again.
His face.
His voice.
I miss him so much. And my experience of three months without him? It was hell.
It was difficult to get psychotherapy every day just to force myself to remember my past. And it’s so hard to imagine what exactly the decision I should have made.
All my memories hurt me too much, but that’s also one of the reasons why I now know what I’m going to do.
I love Kent. I love him so much.
"Ate Selene? Ate Seleneeee! Yoohoo! Are you still there? Oh my! You're stunned again because I mentioned my brother's name, isn't it? Ayieeee!"
I chuckled when I heard what Kayleigh said. This girl is really weird. But she's still young. "You're crazy, young girl. Where shall we meet later?" I asked as I adjusted my sandals.
I'm already here in our old house in the province, but now, I'm going back to Manila because I still have people to talk to there. But, I'll also miss the fresh air here!
"Hmm... in Nae Nae Land for the good ambiance!" she said.
Nae Nae Land...
Why is it that all that happenings in my life, I remember Kent?
"Okay, wait for me," I just replied to her. "Take care."
Then I ended the call and went downstairs. I was greeted by my very kind and thoughtful mother who came with me here in the province. Dad used to stay there in Manila but he still comes home here to say hello to me. Mom accompanied me to my psychotherapy in the States back then.
"Selene, my child!"
I hugged her and she hugged me back too. It broke my heart when I saw that there were tears in her eyes.
I tried to smile and settle down but tears were already dripping from my eyes. I can't stop it.
"You're so brave, my child," mommy said to me as she tightened her grip on me. "I am so proud of you. Now that you remember everything, do what you want... this is all we can do for the hours we have deprived you of your freedom."
Mom cried, and fortunately, dad came to calm her down. But I saw in dad's eyes that he's crying, too.
"I love you too, mom," I said before I turned to dad. "You too, dad. Be careful always. We'll meet again in Manila, why are we crying?" I added, and they laughed because I said that.
I gave my parents a last hug and I walked away. Leigh said we would meet at Nae Nae Land, but I went to someone else before that.
"RENCE..."
I don’t know why my voice was so sad when I mentioned his name. By Rence who is now just sitting on the floor while smoking. He looked at me and his eyes widened when he saw that I was in front of him now. He couldn't believe what he was seeing so he wiped his eyes before looking at me again.
"Selene." He tried to act cold, but it became full of longingness.
It was here that I first went to Gangster's Paradise before going to Nae Nae land where Leigh and I were supposed to meet. I need to correct and give closure to everything... especially the people I forgot in the past.
It’s not right for me to be happy while someone is already hurting because of me.
"I... remember everything, Rence," I said softly to him as I played with my nails and also slightly played with the hem of my t-shirt. "I remember everything. I remember you..."
He didn't seem surprised by what I said, but I could feel the joy in his eyes when I said that to him. I could clearly see the glow in his eyes when I told him that, but even so, I could clearly see the pain his eyes. I felt guilty as he looked at me.
"But your feelings had changed, haven't you?" he asked in a low tone. It seems like he was afraid to ask me that, but he also wanted to know what I would answer to him.
And honestly, I don't know how to answer that question. I don’t know how I will answer him because whether I answer or not right now, I know that he will be hurt, and will only be hurt because of what I do.
He was my first love, and not Kent.
He was the one who protected me and loved me at a young age. I still remember how my parents opposed us. Rence was a gangster at his age, another one is there was a big age gap between the two of us. He's four years older than me, but he showed me how much he loved me at that time. He respected me. He didn’t do anything that would make me angry or insecure about myself.
I may be young at that time, but I knew that I loved him.
Although many objected to the two of us, I had a relationship with him. It may not be the right thing to do, but it was the happiest time of my life.
He didn’t take advantage my age in those days. I was 15 and he was 19. We just did those types of dates that were just appropriate for my age.
He never tried to do anything else other than that.
"What do you do when one day, you just suddenly forget me?" I remember him asking me as we sat on the bench and watched the other kids playing here in the Children’s park.
I told him that we should just go somewhere else because he is not suitable here because he is old, but he said it was okay because I prefer it here.
"Hmm ... I doubt I'll forget you, Rence," I promised him before leaning on his shoulder. "But if that ever happens, I promise, I'll try to remember you."
My heart slowly pounded when I remembered that thing. I didn't even realize that my tears were already dripping as I looked at Rence who was just staring at me now.
I know he's having a hard time now too... even harder than I feel, but he endured all the pain for me.
Just so he can protect me.
"I'm happy to know that you already remember me," he stood up before he approached me and handed me his handkerchief, "but I know I'm no longer the one you love, Selene, and I've accepted that."
Liar.
I could see in his eyes how much he wanted to take me back... now that I remember him again.
"Thank you," I said before wiping my eyes full of tears with a handkerchief... and that's when I noticed that my name was embroidered on his white handkerchief.
This is my gift to him when we were still together. I still remember how happy I was while embroidering my name on that handkerchief because I knew that whenever he saw my gift, he would always remember me too.
And it hurts for me because I remember on how I loved him, but it’s not how I feel for him anymore.
My heart no longer beats so hard when he is here in front of me. I also no longer feel butterflies in my stomach when he is this close to me.
The feelings were all gone.
I feel nothing anymore.
"I'm sorry, Rence," I sighed before I tiptoed and gave him a kiss on his forehead, "but I don't love you anymore..."
That's all I can do right now. He will remain a part of my life, and that will not change.
"Wow, I missed this place!" I said happily while I was still jumping and exploring Nae Nae Land.
Seriously, nothing has changed in this place! Still nice and peaceful! The trees grew even fresher here and the air seemed even fresher!
And most of all, still peaceful... as before.
I wandered around all over Nae Nae Land and I looked for Kayleigh, but I couldn’t find her. I thought she would be here first. But it looks like I'm even earlier than her! By the way, Leigh is still young so I'll just let this skip even if she's late now.
Since I also missed the whole Nae Nae land, I decided to just take a walk first while waiting for Leigh to text or call me, but I immediately stopped walking when I saw a man who also stopped walking when he saw me.
"Kent?" I suddenly mentioned his name, unconsciously.
His eyes almost widened when he saw me and heard my voice. I didn't know what he was thinking. Is he mad at me now because I'm here in his garden? But Leigh told me that he was not here because he was taking care of something.
If I only knew that he was here, I would not have agreed to meet Leigh here today.
Why did I even call him? I should have just left...
"S-Sorry, I'm not hanging out here for no reason." I even stuttered when I apologized to him. "All right, I'm leaving."
I was about to leave but I stopped when he grabbed my arm so I looked at him. And as before, I feel like electricity is flowing through my whole body.
Kent, why do you still have this effect on me even few months had passed?
"You just came back, but you're leaving again?" he said in a sad tone before he tightened his grip on my arm.
I'm not a fool not to know that what he said had a double meaning.
My heartbeat quickened as he approached me and hugged me tightly.
"Kent, let me go," I said emphatically to him as my tears continued to flow. I also don’t know why every time I see him, I cry.
I remember the pain of what he told me before when I saw his face.
"Let me go, Kent," I command him amid my sobs but he still doesn't obey me.
He seemed to hear nothing. He just kept hugging me as if he would lose me when he let go of his hug with me.
And I could barely move in my place when I felt his tears dripping down my shoulder.
"I don't want to, Selene," he replied weakly to me before he buried his face in my neck. I could feel him sobbing too. "I do not want to..."
"Do you really want to see me struggling, huh?" I don’t know where I got the courage to say that to him. "I just quietly like you from afar, Kent, but you messed up my life..."
I took a deep breath before continuing what I was about to say. "Then, when I fell in love with you, you told me you didn't want me to be a part of your life anymore... but why are you being like this, Kent? It's true what I told you before that you're not the reason why I'm here, but why are you messing with my life again?"
Annoying.
Annoying because even if that's what I'm saying, there's a part of me that's happy because he's hugging me in his arms now.
Why can't I just fall in love again with Rence? He won't hurt me, but I still love Kent.
He let go when he hugged me so that's when I saw his face soaked with tears. He seems to be in better health now than when we last met. That's good. Somehow, my heart calmed down because finally... he seems to be slowly getting better.
He took my hand and squeezed it.
"I don't want to waste another chance, Selene," he told me. "I don't want to repeat the mistake I made back then."
He stroked my right cheek with his right hand before it made its way to my nape. He slowly brought my face close to his, and even though my heart couldn't take it because he was so close to me, I couldn't do anything because I couldn't move my whole body.
"I want to start a new life again with you, Selene Perez," he said before he kissed my forehead. "Will you let me cope up with the days that we weren't together?"