Layla
Standing at the small balcony in Rose's room, I look up at the sky trying to make sense of the stars but just like my life, I felt like I can't make a sense of it.
Rose was talking to her parents on the phone. They were both out of town. Rose had said that they went to see her grandparents. According to her, it was a family thing.
I didn't say it but apart from Dad, Liam, and Theo in my life, I didn't have much of a family. My grandparents, aunt, and uncle had to abandon my Dad and me ever since the day he got remarried to Zoe. None of them had liked her so they all cut off their relationship with us. Dad still tries though. Well more like he use to try, cause I don't think he cares anymore and I don't either, so I'm okay with just Liam and Theo in my life. Because even though Dad is there, most times I feel like he isn't. It was like the day mom died, Dad's love for me also died. Whenever I think of that day, I cried not just once but twice I still get this aching feeling in my chest whenever I tell myself that I'm okay, I don't care, all I need is just Liam and Theo. I have forever been a great liar but so many times I can't lie to my heart and I hate it. Seeing Rose like this with so many friends and family around her I felt jealous and sometimes ask myself why. Why can't I have the same? Why is everything in my life so different. Why.
"How is it that you are not cold?" Rose ask. Joining me on the balcony.
"It's not that cold," I said.
"So..." Rose said. "How are you doing?"
Rose and I haven't spoken to each other, since the last time we met at the cafe with her Old friends. She hasn't called or texted since then like she usually does. I tried calling her once though but it didn't go through. So I took that as fate. Maybe it was over for us.
That was what I thought until I saw her at home this morning talking to Liam. Liam had called her over and told her that I have been trying to reach out to her but I have been too lazy to leave the house. Liam even suggested a sleepover night to her. Rose had thought it was a great idea and now here I'm with Rose in her house even though I wanted to spend my day with Liam and Theo. I know Liam knows that things are no longer the same as it was before between me and Rose, so I just don't know why he wanted us to spend some time together. Maybe Liam is just trying to fix things between us or maybe he just wanted me to be in a new environment since I have been spending all my days at home.
"I'm fine," I said. Giving Rose a little smile.
"Did Liam and your Dad fight again?" She asked.
"Huh?"
"When I was at your place this morning before you came downstairs, I met Liam and your Dad together and the atmosphere between them felt tense."
"I don't know if they fought again." I said, "but I don't think so."
"I guess maybe, I was just imagining things then."
"I wouldn't exactly say that," I said. "Ever since Liam came back home, he has been acting strange around Dad."
"Is that not kind of normal since he had never liked your Dad in the first place."
"Yeah, I guess," I said.
But I still couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. It felt like Liam was hiding something from me. At times like this, I wish I could see through Liam the way he could always see through me.
Liam had never liked Dad even though Dad like him. But the hatred I see in his eyes for Dad ever since he came back to the house scares me. I have never seen him like that before, I have never been worried about Liam disliking Dad because I love the way he loves me and it felt like I still have my Dad all to myself even though if he doesn't care about me. But now I'm worried about Liam. I'm worried that something might happen.
"Are you still thinking about Liam and your Dad or are you thinking about Theo?"
"What?" I asked.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me you and Theo are together?" Rose said. smirking.
"We are not together," I said. Blushing as I thought of the idea of us being together.
"You are not?" Rose ask. "There's no need to hide it all from me if you are. I have always known Theodore was in love with you."
"Where did you get all these stories from?" I asked. Walking back into the room I laid down on the bed and hide my face with a pillow.
I can't believe I'm acting like this. This wasn't the first time Rose and I talked about someone that I like but when it comes to Theo, it all felt different. My feelings for him were different. Whenever someone brought him up, I thought of him and imagine us together. Even though I denied it, whenever someone said we were together and that he loves me, I feel so happy. I feel like I'm losing myself, mostly my mind but in a good kind of way.
"Remember I talk to Liam this morning," Rose said. Smirking.
"Of course Liam," I said. "I'm starting to feel like I can't trust Liam for these things anymore."
That was a lie. I trust Liam for everything and I can't see myself not ever trusting Liam for anything. It was just impossible.
"So when did you realize his feelings for you? Did he tell you?" Rose said.
She climbs up to her bed trying to remove her pillow from my face. Her voice sounded so excited like she couldn't believe it.
"He hasn't said anything. Actually non of us has."
"Huh, why?" She asked. "But you know I have always thought that this will just be one of those love stories."
"What love story?"
"You know those once, in which the boy will continue to love you from afar and he wouldn't say anything to the clueless girl until she is about to go to college or something."
"What kind of a love story is that?" I asked. Looking at Rose with doubting eyes while she smiled and wiggle her eyebrow at me. "I'm pretty sure love stories don't go like that."
"How would you know?" Rose said. Mocking me. "You don't know anything about romance like I do. You didn't even know the boy was head over heels for you and it was so obvious."
"Well if he waited until college or any of that, I wouldn't forgive him," I said. Rose chuckle.
"Why didn't you tell me," I said. "If you knew about his feelings for me, why didn't you say anything about it."
"Liam warn me not to," Rose said. "Liam said that if you knew without having feelings for him, it would complicate the friendship the both of you have, that you might start avoiding him and he doesn't think Theo can survive that."
"How could you choose your best friend brother over your best friend," I said, feigning anger. Even though I could understand Liam. Because he was right.
The word best friend now sounds strange between me and Rose. I can't explain the feelings I feel. It's like there's now a space between us. A space none of us is interested in filling because we have now become too comfortable without each other.
"It's not like I choose Liam over you. Okay to be honest during that time I was trying to win Liam's heart, so I was ready to do anything he asked of me. I'm sorry." She said. "Liam would have been really angry at me if I told you, anyway I wanted him to like me not scorn at me. He cares for Theo and I'm not interested in seeing how an angry Liam looks like. Only his glares alone give me goosebumps."
I could hardly hear what she was saying after she said the words 'sorry.' I couldn't help but wonder if that was enough to fix us. Seeing ourselves like this, laughing and smiling just like the old times made me wonder if she was interested in fixing us or if she was just clueless or pretending to be clueless.
*****
"Argh." I could hear the annoying sounds of my phone ringing. Stretching my hands to Rose's table my hands met her drooling mouth and her spit was all over the palms of my hand. That woke me up faster than lightning.
"Ewe," I said as I look at my hands. I turn my head around the room looking for my phone and saw it on the floor. Theo was calling.
"Hello," I answer in a rough voice. Sitting on the floor. My throat felt dry, I needed to drink some water.
"Hello," I said again. There was silence from the other side of the line.
"Layla," Theo said. His voice breaking, full of fear. "Come home. The police are at your house." He cut off the call.
Startled. I stare at my phone. It sounded like Theo was crying.