Chapter Thirty- Be Mine
"What are you saying to my boyfriend, Avery?!"
Boyfriend?
It felt like the world just stepped on me like I was rubbish lying on the ground. I somehow forgot how to breathe with my chest constricted and my mouth heaving.
I knew it. I smiled bitterly while I felt my heart shattered into pieces. It was all...worthless. After bringing up the courage to say what I felt...I still looked like a fool.
With my heart aching I ran. My feet bolted off without me realizing what I was doing at all. I pushed aside people who crowded the scene that murmured in harsh whispers and small chuckles of laughter, ridiculing me. I deserved it. I was a fool.
I blinked countless of times, trying to restrain the tears from trickling down my eyes, from letting myself cry over some guy. I wouldn't ever cry about something as small as that, no matter how my heart wrenches or my eyes threatens to squeeze out tears.
The world felt numb and deafening whilst I ran towards the hallways, my skirt riled upwards and my beanie falls off in the process, letting my hair swerved around the wind. I couldn't and didn't have any time to pick the beanie since I knew he was following me.
My throat feels parched and my lungs tries to squeeze at least some air in me whilst my head was covered in sweat. I wasn't sure where I was headed or where I wanted to hide.
I just wanted to be away from him. To avoid his face or how'd he'd look at me in pity. How late I was in admitting how I felt; how I wasn't brave enough to tell him from the start.
Shit. I mentally cursed with my entire mind when I found myself running towards the school's garden--the garden that's supposed to be my comfort, became my demise.
I couldn't hide anymore; I couldn't run anymore. I was tired and my legs were wobbling, threatening to give up.
I was trapped in this enclosed space with him. In the same darn place where I shared so many memories with him. As I neared towards the school's garden, so was his footsteps nearing close.
It wouldn't take him much time to catch up since I wasn't as athletic and fast in running like the average person. My pace gradually slows down until I was barely running, just walking up the fields with my hands dejectedly slung to the sides.
Then I thought, "It doesn't matter anymore."
I stopped walking, planting my feet firmly on the middle of the fields, the harsh wind slapping through my cheeks and making my hair get tangled along with it. I didn't want to care anymore.
Then his footsteps followed, making a noise with the leaves he stepped on, gradually coming close while I braced myself for a painful confrontation.
"Avery."
It made my heart slightly race when he called my name again or how my name rolled off his tongue like honey. It's been awhile. A painful, excruciating one. I clutched onto my sleeves, leaving a wrinkled mark for I didn't know what to hold onto.
Then his footsteps stopped just inches from me. I couldn't see his face or see what he would look at the moment, but I'd rather not see it with my own eyes.
"What?" I coldly replied.
"I...I don't know what to say."
I could hear in his strained voice the frustration and raw emotions beneath it.
"Then don't say anything," I spat, darting my gaze to the vast skies just ahead of me. If only I could just be one with the skies so I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore.
"It doesn't matter anymore," I whispered, letting the cold breeze carry with it the unspoken words that would be better left unsaid. The icy air makes me shiver and yet I felt too numb to bother.
"I never knew you and Hannah were an item now. Congrats." I sourly cackle, my eyes narrowing in restraining even a drop of tear to slide down my eyes. I've been holding too much right now. So much that I just want to go home and pretend that none of this happened.
That somehow a marathon of ghost adventures would treat away this gaping hole in my heart.
"Avery ---"
"No. It's okay," I brushed him off. "---you can date Hannah or whatever. I'm fine with that; it's your choice."
"But if you moved on that easy, why didn't you at least tell me?" I turned around, facing him without batting an eye away. I could see how his eyes widen or how his jaw tightens in front of me. "---you pretended as if I never existed, Tom."
"You became the thing you swore to never be," I smiled bitterly, feeling the lump on my throat.
"Maybe I'm just that horrible and I deserve this karma I'm struggling right now. Ever sincere thing you said to me, feels nothing but a hazy dream now and I don't know what to do."
"Avery," he heaves a deep sigh, running a hand on his hair. "--she's not my girlfriend, okay? She's just a friend."
"You're such a liar, Tom," I blinked and then a tear carelessly slipped off my eyes. Then everything went loose and I couldn't control it anymore.
"That's what they all say," my voice falters while I aggressively wipe away the tears that lands down from my eyes. "--damn you. To hell with that excuse?"
"Don't even dare take a step close!" I screamed at him, threatening him not to come close, not to touch me and make me feel even more pathetic.
"Avery, I want to hear it from you."
"About what?!" I screeched at him while tears still glide down from my stupid damned eyes.
He takes a step forward. I point my fingers at him. "I'm warning you! I'll hit you and bite you if I need to!"
"Do you love me, Avery?"
I pause, my tears stopping in the process like some switch flickered off.
"Are you an idiot?!" I snarled at him, wiping away the tears whilst I wiped down my palm onto my skirts.
Doesn't he get it? Or is he playing stupid? I just went out there, embarrassing myself and putting everything out there and this is what he says? I've never humiliated myself on purpose, I've given up my ego for him and this is how he replies?!
"Y---"
"I'm just making sure," he murmurs, his cheeks turning as red like fiery flame. "---that I'm not dreaming."
"So please be honest with me."
I clenched my palms on my skirt, mustering one last strength to say to him one last time. My voice slightly falters and I find myself fumbling with my words. "I-I...love you, idiot. There I said it. You happy now? You got your damn ears to work now?"
He lingers his gaze at me without saying a single word.
He nods, his expression blank and unable to be comprehended. Then he takes another step close to me and I retract back. My heart was pounding ever louder and my tears blurred out my vision of him whilst I take a wary step back.
I put my hands in front of me. "Don't--don't go nea---"
"I love you too," he declared, eyeing me with that warm, sincere look in his eyes that somehow made my knees almost wobble.
You're so unfair Tom. How you somehow manage to make my heart do somersaults whenever you say such sugar-coated words.
Then he takes that as his cue to close the gap between us and wraps his arms around me, pulling me to him. I was too shaken and thimble to push myself from him. I didn't know what to do anymore, how to distance myself from him....because I wanted it to be this way too. I wanted to feel his warmth against me, to feel his touch.
He gently holds me, as if I was some fragile thing about to break into pieces if he wasn't careful. I stood there stiffly while I could hear the loud drumming of his chest that was in sync with mine.
"I tried shutting off my thoughts of you," he murmurs, his shoulders heaving as he tries to find the right words to say. "---but I couldn't. You just kept on haunting me, even in my dreams."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he strains his tone and with his trembling fingers he runs his fingers through my tangled hair. "---I can't just understand you every single time, Avery."
"I'm not some robot or program who can read you at the back of your mind," he whispers. "---sometimes you have to tell me, or I will never know because you're such a complicated girl."
"It doesn't matter anymore," I blinked away the dried tears, feeling another surge of butterflies churn my stomach. "---you're with that damn Hannah anyway. You're better off with her since you look like the it couple everyone dreams."
"How many times must I tell you that I'm not dating her?"
"She said it herself!" I raised my tone, my anger coursing through my veins. "—I'm not deaf."
"I don't know why she said that, okay?" he holds me tighter, trying to convince me. "---I'm not dating her. You have to trust me."
"I don't know if I should even trust you," I reasoned out.
You play so dirty, Tom. How should I know when you're truly honest or when I should trust you?
"Avery---"
"But I want to be selfish, Tom," my fingers curled up in uncertainty. "---can you just stay with me? Can you just choose me?"
Is this okay? Is it right for me to want him all to myself so selfishly? I reluctantly brought my cold stricken hands and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling my head closer to the pounding of his chest. He stiffens at my light touch and I could hear his ragged breathing.
"Is it okay if I want to be selfish?" I muttered, my voice muffled against his chest.
"I'm selfish too, Avery," he responds, placing his chin on top of my head fondly. "---so you can be selfish all you want."
I nod, closing my eyes as I rested my head on his chest whilst we stayed that way for a while without needing to mutter another word on how much I missed him. I missed his warm touch that makes me tender inside, his strawberry perfume or that idiotic smiles he gives to me.
He pulls away from the hug, lightly grabbing my shoulders away from him whilst he eyed me intently with those sparkling, alluring olive eyes and with his lips stretched in an uncertain tone.
"You're okay being with me?"
"You want to be with me, Avery? I-I can be sometimes overbearing and can't control my temper like a toddler. I get jealous and I might want to have you all to m---"
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, leaned forward and with a slight tiptoe, pressed my lips on his gently.
He turns rigid at my touch whilst I closed my eyes, feeling the thumping of my heart and the shooting sparks coursing inside me whilst his hot lips lingered on mine.
He kisses me back, pressing his lips further on mine as he lift a hand and lightly cupped my cheeks, tilting me to his direction while my need for him further grows.
I pull out swiftly from the kiss, my breathing ragged with my shoulders panting for breath and my cheeks feeling like a boiling point with how red I am right now.
I quickly glanced at him to find him staring back at me with eyes slightly dilated, lips parted open and face entirely flushed red. I look away, preferably towards the grass with my shoes. I clutch on his uniform, grasping it with both of my palms.
"Say something," I murmured, feeling embarrassed now with my blunt action.
"Y-you never kissed me," he replied, breathless.
"T-that's not what I meant!" I gently screeched at him.
He anxiously chuckles. "I know."
He places a hand on top of my knuckles, lightly rubbing it with his thumb and then he takes it off his uniform, slipping his hands with mine and intertwining it. He squeezes it gently.
"Ma-marry me, Avery."
My eyes shot back to him in shock, wide as a saucer whilst my face could have turned even redder.
"What?!"
He realizes his blunder and immediately turns purple, fidgeting whilst he tries to mumble the words incoherently. "N-no that's not what I meant! I mean I'll marry y-you someday..but not now. I-I----"
He sighs, taking a deep breath and with that he seems to have composed himself enough to be able to say what he wants to. He sheepishly murmurs, eyeing me gently.
"Be mine, Avery."
As if I didn't understand, he rephrases his words.
"Be my girlfriend, will you?"
I closed my eyes, taking into heart and consideration the offer he gave and how the word sounds good to me. I flickered my eyes open, darting back to him.
"No."
It's as if heaven had came down on him when I murmured those words, like someone doused a cold water over him and he froze along with it. I snorted, lightly chuckling.
"I'm kidding."
"Avery!" he reprimands me.
I wasn't sure if I'm really ready for a relationship yet. I do admit I'm uncertain, frightful, and unknown if I was going to do my part well. I wasn't going to be overly affectionate towards him and I didn't want him to get tired of me eventually.
Then again, who said I was the only one working in this relationship? It takes two for that to work and while I'm sure it'll get better and normal for us but there's still that slight fear of falling in love with him so much to the point I might lose myself.
That I might not handle if we somehow break up and I would go back to my grey, dark world. But this is Tom we're talking. The gentle, loving guy who taught me how to love him and to open up to others. The guy who gave me a second chance to let me see how beautiful the world was.
And I was willing to entrust myself to him.
I smile, squeezing my hands with his. "Do you need to even ask that?"
Then he breaks into a wide grin, eyes sparkling in joy as he looks at me sincerely. "I've waited so long for you to say that."
"Was it worth it?" I breathlessly whispered whilst he leaned forward, our noses barely touching with his breath fanning my skin.
"Yeah."
His eyes glazed at mine, half closing them as he murmurs.
"Can I kiss you, Avery?"
"You don't need to ask, idiot," I reminded him, his lips brushing against mine.
"Okay."
Then he tenderly captures his lips with mine again.
I'm glad I met him. The opposite who compliments me.