< Nina >
The feeling I have… I couldn’t understand it myself. It feels so heavy, like a huge boulder, hard, unbreakable, that has been burdening on my shoulders.
So right after he left, I decided to run.
I run as fast as I can like I normally do. To reduce the indescribable pain. Could this be fear? No, this is completely different from what I normally experience.
Sadness? But it’s a different kind. The kind that made me worry for Gene during his basement incident.
Then, a thought strikes me and I slow down until a full stop. I lean down, hands on my knees as I pant. Something snaps in me as I snort a laugh. Then I start to laugh, like a madman in a pitiful state.
It is still early dawn and people don’t usually go to this area in the early morning. And I’m thankful I left at this time because no one would like to see a teenager laughing all to herself in public.
Wearing nothing but matching pajamas.
But either way, I don’t really care. You see, I've been such an unfortunate case all of my life that I have forgotten this feeling for a very, very, long time.
Anger.
I am really angry, no, furious that my own future family would dare say such things. I’ve never felt this angry before. Not towards my bullies, not towards Clarence, not anyone.
Yet, Luca is incredibly good at pushing someone’s buttons. I should have been mad at him and yelled at him that he was wrong. My mother isn’t like that!
Yet, I couldn’t.
It angers me when a man who has ignored my existence till now, suddenly tells me things…
…that I have been denying all this time.
Yes, my mom is a mistress and yes, what she did was wrong. Yet, I can never tell her otherwise.
She wants a family, she dreams of having a family for my sake. She fell in love with Rodrigo, the man who can only make her happy.
There’s no way in HELL that I will take it away! And this is the reason why I’m here with Luca, in the first place. Just for her sake.
But Luca is my reality check.
Funny how emotions work. A while ago I was the most jubilant person. Overjoyed to hear some good news from my best friend but now, it is easily replaced by an unfamiliar feeling known as anger.
Or self-pity, even.
I need a break from my routine, away from this. Something that keeps me distracted, something unrelated to school since another problematic person is there, something that can help me focus.
“I need a job,” I mutter to myself. And it’s not a bad idea. I really need one.
The allowance that my mom gave me is running out. I’ve been eating outside the school to get away from Clarence, after all.
And there is no way I will ask Luca for some money. Not after what happened.
Yes, it’s been decided. I’ll get a job and save up.
I can go to Freedomville, Gene and I can go out for some excursion, maybe.
The phone buzzes inside my pocket, I take it out and see an unknown number calling me.
This is the first.
I know that this has been Yu’s phone not long ago and for almost a month, no one actually calls this number other than Yu and Gene.
Should I answer?
But the ringing won’t stop. I’ll just have to relay this message to Yu once he gets back. It has to be important.
Click.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, princess.”
Ugh, the voice I don’t want to hear in the morning.
“Clarence,” I called his name as I sigh, it’s still early in the morning but I’m already tired. “How...how did you get my number?”
“When you went to Mrs. McLaren’s desk for a partner exchange, I took the opportunity to use your phone to get your number. It is important to communicate for this project, right?”
Actually, he’s right. “But it’s still an invasion of privacy.”
“Well, I didn’t get to see your contacts, your files, or even your text messages because you went back immediately. So you have nothing to worry about.” Then he pauses. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Huh?”
“You sounded pissed like someone made you royally mad early in the morning.”
Once again, Clarence got it right. “Isn’t that the same whenever I talk to you?”
“Hmm...it might be the same but at the same time no,” he says, playfully. “I mean, whenever we talk, you are often more annoyed and uncomfortable than angry. I applaud whoever did that to you.”
“What’s your reason for calling me, Clarence?” I ask, impatiently.
“Ignoring the topic, eh?” he chuckles. “Well, I wanted to know if you have asked permission from your parents yet.”
Ah, cripes. I forgot about that. If only I didn’t let my fear take over me each time I talk to Luca, it will be easier to talk to him.
But now it’s impossible.
Especially when I am the one who doesn’t want to talk to him.
“C-can we talk about it on Friday? I won’t forget, I promise.”
I have to find a solution to solve this. Maybe at Yu’s place? I can just make it up to him by cooking for him for a week, even if it’s not much.
Or a café will be nice. After all, if there are more people around, the fewer issues to deal with. But I have to remind myself again that this is Clarence we’re talking about here.
“Tomorrow is a Friday. Haven’t you forgotten about it, parvenu?”
“Ah, then tomorrow, I will let you know, okay?”
“Fine, make sure you get their approval. Beg for them if you must.”
“Okay…” I just nod, absentmindedly. I just want to end this call as soon as possible so I can get myself ready for school. “See you later, Clarence.”
“Woah,” he quickly says, with genuine surprise in his voice. “You want to see me in school later?”
I just sigh. “T-that’s not what I meant. Sorry, I’m in a hurry so can I hang up now?” And I really mean it. I am starting to feel hungry and tired.
He doesn’t answer for a moment till he says with a hint of amusement and sarcasm, “Sure thing, Nina.”
The next thing I did after I hung up was blocking Clarence’s number.
That should do the trick.