SOREN
Am I happy?
No. I’m not happy. I’m getting married because it’s the right thing to do, not because it’s what I want—what Marshall and I want.
Bruh, it’s hard to have a spouse. It’s tough to be tied to one person, especially if one of you is only doing it out of obligation. Or if both of you aren’t ready. I swear, it doesn’t always end well.
[You don’t have to do that, you know.]
And yeah, I spend my time waking up around 12:00-1:00 am, then going back to sleep again at 3:00 am. My body wakes up on its own even if I don’t want to. And often, I hear Marshall talking to his siblings through Facetime.
He’s right, he doesn’t have another woman. He spends his time with me and also with Alexa, who he calls almost every hour. The kid still doesn’t want to come home with me.
And let’s keep it that way. My child knows me well, she knows when I’m not okay. And I don’t want her to see me like this. She looks up to me, after all. She even calls me Wonder Woman sometimes.
[Bro, marriage isn’t a joke. You’ll be tied down for life.]
"I owe her a lot."
[Then make it up to her, duh? But not in that way. I thought you were supposed to take care of Mildred? How did you end up like this?]
I sighed quietly. I knew it. There’s definitely something between him and Mildred. Because Mildred isn’t the type to let herself be used, especially if she doesn’t want to. Maybe Mildred loved me too, but not like she loves Marshall.
If she did love me, why did she let Marshall use me? She was used too. Lol.
"She’s not hard to love, Raquel. You really don’t understand me, do you?" He let out a deep sigh. "I gotta go, I have a lot to take care of."
[You’re hurting her, don’t you know? The Ambersons are a bit crazy, she might retaliate! Just let her go, bro—DON’T YOU DARE CUT ME OFF. DON’T PRESS THAT FUCKING BUTTON—]
Then finally... silence.
So he’s saying I’m not hard to love? So he’s still in the process of ‘loving’ me? Argh.
Sex? Yeah, we’re having that, but that’s where it stops. We talk well, often joke around, but it doesn’t go beyond that.
I’m just a person. My sexual orientation is different, but I can’t teach my heart, can I? And yep, I do have feelings for him, but if I didn’t feel anything for him, wouldn’t I be chill right now and not care?
Raquel was right. Marshall is really hurting me. He doesn’t even know that I know a lot. If only I had known everything sooner, I wouldn’t be suffering now. I shouldn’t have even considered liking him back then.
THE NEXT DAY, Marshall left because we’re seeing each other at the wedding. And even if he doesn’t say it, I know he’ll be with Raquel to drink, and of course, there will be women.
If I weren’t pregnant, I would have eaten all the mussels I passed on the road. Damn him.
But here I am! Watching Netflix because I have nothing else to do!
That McGregor will be having fun, and here I am sulking? Tss, he doesn’t really care. He just has to stand by his promise that he won’t leave us hanging. Tss.
"Come in!" I shouted when I heard a knock on the door.
It must be Elias. He probably received the invitation I sent to his house. He might be going crazy for—
"Hi, Miss Soren."
I literally stopped eating my French fries when I saw Marshall’s sibling.
Green-eyed too. Tall, and yes, he looks like Marshall. He just seems nicer, unlike Marshall who always has a hidden agenda.
Ginger fucking Baskin. Just kidding.
"Ah," I laughed awkwardly. "Are you replacing Marshall? Am I marrying you tomorrow instead?"
He chuckled slightly. "No. I’m just here to visit you."
He approached me. "Can I sit there?" he asked, pointing to the large space on my sofa.
Damn, he’s so polite.
I nodded. "Sure."
He smiled and sat next to me. Even his sitting screams good manners. Damn, maybe he’s just adopted by the McGregors. Or maybe he’s an illegitimate child?
"Oh, you watch those series too?" he suddenly asked.
I leaned back and spoke arrogantly. "Bruh, Carole fucking Baskin."
"Now, I get it." He suddenly laughed. "That’s why kuya Marshall is into you."
Into me? Is that an insult?
"Did you come here just to observe how I act? Because I’m tough and a lesbian, don’t be surprised," I said bluntly. "Because I’m telling you, brother. Like your kuya, you’ll get nothing from me but this sexy body of mine."
I don’t know what’s funny about what I said because he laughed. Do I look like a clown?
I looked at him with boredom. "And if you’re angry at your brother and plan to beat me up now, bro, you’re at the wrong house. Your brother doesn’t love me... except for my pussy."
"Oh, really?" He laughed again. "Will he marry you if you’re just nothing?"
Huh?
"My example is Mildred," he said. "Mildred loves him so much, but he doesn’t care. He used her instead."
I clapped sarcastically. "Yeah. Just like what he did to me."
"I mean, yes, we’re there. He used you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, okay? If your dad is crazy, our dad is even crazier. I hope you understand my point now?"
I kicked him in the side in frustration.
Yes, even though we’re not close, I would still kick him.
"Whatever you say, I’m still angry at your brother."
He rubbed his side. "Y-You’re angry at him? What about when you get married?"
"Then I’ll make his life a living hell?" I angrily placed the empty bowl of French fries on his lap.
"You know, scientists say that to have a purpose in this world, you should cook French fries for me."
So annoying. Is that it? He came to my house just to say that Marshall might really love me? He came here just to fool me?!
And even if that’s true, I DON’T CARE. I’m angry, and that won’t change.
Ginger whispered, but unfortunately, I heard what he said.
"What did you say? Our whole family is crazy?" I said with a bored expression.
Is he serious? He says we’re crazy? No way. They’re the crazy ones.
He immediately moved away from me. "A-Ah, where’s your kitchen?"
I rolled my eyes. "Plato also said that it’s good to use the eyes for economic development," I lied.
I turned my attention back to the television.
He’s probably here because Marshall sent him. I have no one with me, and our ‘wedding’ is tomorrow.
"Yeah. I’m really angry at him," I said seriously after a while. "No matter how he treats me now, I’m still angry. That won’t go away."
It really won’t go away. Even if... Even if I deal with him well, I still can’t shake the fact that he used me.
Dude, he fucking used me to destroy my own family. He didn’t just deceive me, he made me look like a fool. And I can’t accept that he feels sorry for me, that’s why he wants to marry me.
I don’t need his money. I don’t care about his wealth. I just wanted my children to have a father, which is why I agreed to be tied to him.
If I was only thinking about myself, why would I bind myself to a man who is playing games with me? I’m not stupid.
"I’m sorry to tell you this, but..." Ginger appeared next to me, handing me the bowl full of fries.
He sat next to me. "But why don’t you try talking to him? I know you’ll have to swallow your pride, but that might ease what you’re carrying."
I looked at him.
He’s really kind, huh. I can see it in his eyes. He’s sincere in what he’s saying. And it’s obvious he’s a decent person; he even let go of his ex for my crazy brother.
"Talk to him. Maybe he’ll finally be honest with you. He’s my brother, yes. But I don’t know him that well either. I’m just trying to help, you know."
I nodded sadly. "I’ll do that. Thank you."
He chuckled slightly. "But anyways," he leaned back in his seat, smiling as he stared at the television. "You’re too beautiful for my brother. You should find a fine woman, Amberson."
I chuckled slightly.
Woman? Is he saying he doesn’t mind that I’m into women?
Oh, I like this guy.
I just smiled. "I’ll try on the dress Marshall gave me. I need your opinion."
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