FAWN 🍂 22
   Atlas Hidalgo, my stepfather, the one who molested me nine days ago, is out of jail. I try to conceal my fear as it slowly grows inside me. Of course, I'm scared. I'm scared of him and I try my best to forget that night. I feel dirty, and I hate him for making me feel like this.
   If I could change something about myself before I was born, it would be being born a man. If I had known what would happen, I would have been a man because it's so hard being a woman sometimes in a world with men who only think about lust, where a man rapes, abuses, or molests a woman who is helpless in the situation simply because men are stronger than women.
   I fear that I'm not the only one who has experienced abuse in this world. There are women out there who have gone through worse than I experienced, but they would rather keep it to themselves than ruin a family. 
   Like how Patricius keeps her mouth shut while she suffers alone in trauma, like some women who are afraid to speak out because people might judge them and keep their distance, and think that those women are dirty and no longer clean in their eyes. 
   It's hard living in a world where you're afraid to speak up. I'm glad I have someone in my life whom I can open up to and tell everything, especially my mother, but what about those women who are even scared to open up to their own parents? Afraid of how their parents would react if they told them.
   "Hey, it's okay, I won't let that bastard get near you," my attention is drawn back to the person beside me. His palm gently brushes against my back to calm me down, while Lucas stands in front of us. He looks angry, not at me, but at Zevadiah, standing beside me.
   "You need protection, Fawn. You can stay at my family's residence for the time being while the police try to capture Atlas. You're safe at our house," my gaze shifts to Lucas. Uncle Atlas knows where the Hoffmans live; he could go there someday...unless I stay at my current place, which Uncle Atlas doesn't know. I don't want to see him ever again.
   "She's safe with me, Hoffman," Zevadiah replies, instead of me.
   "Your opinion on this matter is not needed, Rizal," I hear Zevadiah scoff beside me.
   "Somehow I know what Fawn will decide on this matter," I look at Zevadiah; he gives me a smug look.
   "Fawn," I look at Lucas again and take a deep breath, "You know you're safe if you stay at our house temporarily. We can protect you, and besides, you'll be with Felly," I know Lucas is trying to keep me safe, but I know who I feel safe with lately.
   And Felly didn't urge me to decide where to stay. Instead, she told me earlier that whatever decision I make, she'll support me. She even said that she'll stay at my house while Uncle Atlas is on the run.
   "I'm sorry, Lucas, but I don't think it's necessary to burden your family with my problems again. I'll stay at my current place with my family, although I really appreciate your concern for me. I'm safe where I am, and thank you for putting in the effort to try to protect me," I can see his jaw clench at my words.
   I look at Zevadiah, "I want to go home." I'm really sleepy; I can't take it anymore. Plus, I need to figure out how the hell Uncle Atlas got out of jail.
   "Alright, Liebsti," that's when we turn our backs on Lucas and head to his car together. Felly left earlier to go with Shaun to the police station because of Anya.
   I can't get the fact that Uncle Atlas escaped from prison out of my mind. Scenarios that might possibly happen in the next few days are flooding my mind. There are so many possibilities that could happen now that he's out of prison and the police are looking for him. He's possibly hiding or planning to take revenge on us. I'm scared, not for myself, but for Mom and Arlo.
   He could take revenge on me, but not my family. My mom is carrying his child, so I'm sure he wouldn't hurt her, but I remember that he already did. That night of the "incident," he pushed Mom away from him; he already hurt her while she was pregnant.
   "Liebsti," I glance at Zevadiah in the driver's seat. I'm getting used to the nickname, and I somehow want to know what it means or what language it is. "I'm going to put security outside the house for your safety, so don't worry about Atlas," he says, and I only realize then that we've reached his grandparents' house, where we're staying temporarily.
   "Zev..." I sigh. I don't know, but I feel embarrassed by everything he's done for my family. "It's not necessary to put security outside the house for me. Atlas doesn't know where I live, so I know I'm safe."
   He shakes his head, "It's better to be safe than sorry, Fawn." I can see the determination in his eyes. God, why am I so lucky to have someone who loves me this way?
   "But you've done so much, not just for my family, but for me. Although I'm genuinely grateful for everything you've done. First, for letting my family stay at your grandparents' house, then for taking me on a trip to Taiwan, paying for everything, for showing affection for me without being ashamed of it, for everything you've done for me. Thank you, but I'm really embarrassed. I don't know how to repay you," I don't have any money to pay him back. And no, I'm not going to ask my biological dad for money just to pay Zevadiah back.
   He chuckles a bit, unbuckles his seatbelt, and leans in close to my face. "You already paid me back."
   I'm stunned, staring at him. "I haven't paid you back for anything you've done for me yet," I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything to repay him for all he's done for me and my family.
   "The truth that you love me is already enough," he says, and I furrow my brows.
   "I... don't love you," I'm not sure, maybe I just don't want to admit it. But I'm not really certain how I feel, to be honest.
   "I know," he replies.
   "I don't have feelings for you." Fine, let's say I don't want to admit it...yet.
   "I know." The corners of his lips slowly turn upwards. He raises both of his hands and cups my cheeks.
   "I'm not falling," I whisper, knowing he heard me.
   "I know," he says.
   I glare at him because all his responses to me are his ‘I know.’ "Don't you have any other sensible response for me besides your 'I know'?" He caresses my cheeks with his thumbs.
   "I know." Is he teasing me or testing my patience right now? I'm going to smack him for real if he keeps responding to me like that again.
   "Zevadiah." I put a warning tone in my voice, but instead, he places his lips on my forehead.
   "It's okay if you deny what you truly feel, but I know the truth. You can't easily fool someone who has experienced love first. I've been there, Liebsti. Keep denying," his breath against my face makes me gulp, and my eyes glance at his bare neck.
   I close my eyes, trying to focus on something and not bite his neck. That would be absurd to think about as a woman. Is that even considered a normal thing to think?
   "Why are you closing your eyes? Open them and look at me," I hear him say.
   I obey him, thankful that our faces are facing each other instead of his neck. "I need to take a long nap, Zev," Of course, I won't tell him why I closed my eyes.
   "Am I making you uncomfortable?" He removes his hands from my face and slowly moves away from me.
   I suddenly feel empty when he does that, moving away from me. I immediately shake my head. "I'm comfortable with you, Zev. It's just that I can't stop thinking about things when you're close to me."
   "Like what?"
   "You don't need to know about it."
   "Come on, Liebsti. I won't judge, and I'd be happy to hear it from you. What goes through your mind when I'm so close to you a few minutes ago?"
   "It's really nothing normal," I say.
   Slowly, his lips form into a smile as he keeps his eyes on me. "Okay. I respect it if you won't tell me. But in the future, I'll let you do to me the things that are coming to your mind. I will happily offer myself to you.”