"What do you want to do with it?" asked Jack when he saw Lea holding a mustard plant in her hand.
"To plant with your head," Lea replied with a flat face.
"If you plant my head, you won't get anything either."
"Of course you're stupid. It was just a rude joke to you. Never mind don't make me want to cuss you out today. For this one day, I want to fast from cursing at you." Lea then left Jack. Looking at her appearance today, it seemed like she wanted to go gardening. Although her gardening knowledge was very minimal.
"Ah basic. It's better if you just plant money, it will be much more fun, if you can see the money tree growing in the yard," Jack muttered while busy chewing a fresh cucumber.
***
"What do you want to do with the mustard?" asked Jack as he saw Lea holding a mustard plant in her hand.
"To plant with your head," Lea replied with a flat face.
"If you plant my head, you won't get anything either."
"Of course you're stupid. It was just a rude joke to you. Never mind don't make me want to cuss you out today. For this one day, I want to fast from cursing at you." Lea then left Jack. Looking at her appearance today, it seemed like she wanted to go gardening. Although her gardening knowledge was very minimal.
"Ah basic. It's better if you just plant money, it will be much more fun, if you can see the money tree growing in the yard," Jack muttered while busy chewing a fresh cucumber.
***
In Lea's backyard, Jack saw Lea busy with her small shovel. She seemed to be having trouble getting the mustard stalks into the ground. Jack approached Lea with his eyebrows raised as high as parental expectations.
"Do you think mustard greens can grow by just plugging them in?" Jack asked in a mocking tone. He couldn't believe it when he saw Lea trying to plant mustard greens in such a misguided way.
Lea snorted, "Yeah, that's what I read on the internet. They say mustard greens are easy to grow."
Jack shook his head. "You know what, that's supermarket mustard, not seedlings. If you want to grow mustard, you have to start from seeds."
"Seeds?" Lea looked confused. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"I'm telling you now, right?" Jack took over the small shovel from Lea's hand and started digging a small hole. "First, you must prepare fertile soil. Mix in some compost and make sure the soil is loose." Jack then gave instructions to Lea who was so innocent of the basic science of gardening. Jack felt sorry for his wife's situation, if left unchecked like that, she might be able to grow a radish by sticking it back into the ground.
Lea nodded, although she still looked confused. "Okay, so mix the compost, the soil should be loose. What's next?"
Jack continued, "Then plant the mustard seeds about half an inch below the soil surface and water them with enough water. Don't overdo it, just until the soil is moist."
Lea tried to follow Jack's directions, but when she tried to turn on the water hose, she spilled water over Jack's head. Jack stood transfixed, soaked from head to toe. He looked like a dog that had gotten wet.
"Sorry, Jack!" Lea laughed, although it was obvious that she was trying to hold back her laughter. But she looked satisfied as she saw Jack getting wet.
Jack snorted, "This is all part of the plan to make me look like a mustard plant too?" he quipped.
Lea continued to laugh as she grabbed a towel for Jack. "Maybe we should plant you too, who knows you'll grow faster."
Jack took the towel from Lea and started drying himself off. "We'd better focus on the real plants. You'll regret it if you end up with two like me in the house. And be careful with the hose."
After the water hose incident, Jack decided to teach Lea how to grow tomatoes. "Tomatoes need more attention than mustard greens," Jack said as he picked up tomato seeds. "Make sure you have a big enough pot, nutrient-rich soil, and place them in an area that gets at least 6-8 hours of sunlight a day."
Lea nodded as she took notes in her mind. "Okay, big pot, rich soil, sunlight. Easy, right?"
Jack gave Lea a flat look. "Easier said than done, because I'm pretty sure you'll continue to make a mess like before. Don't forget to water regularly and add fertilizer every few weeks."
Lea started digging the soil to plant the tomatoes, but she almost hit Jack's hand with her shovel. Jack immediately pulled his hand away in a panic. Since when did gardening become this scary?
"Careful! I want to keep my fingers after this," Jack said in an annoyed tone.
Lea grumbled, "If you weren't so fussy, I wouldn't have almost hurt you."
"I'm just here to help," Jack said, then took over again. He showed me the correct way to dig the hole and plant the tomato seedlings.
"Like this, see?" Jack dug the hole carefully, placed the tomato seedling in it, and covered it with soil. "Make sure the roots are well covered but don't compact the soil too much."
Lea observed carefully. "Okay, I get it now."
Jack looked doubtful. "I hope it's not just something you say with your mouth."
After a while, Lea started to try it herself. She dug holes for her tomato seedlings and planted them the way Jack had taught her. However, when she was about to water the seedlings, she spilled half a bucket of water on Jack's foot.
Jack jumped back. "Lea! You need to be more careful!" If Jack didn't have more patience he would have planted Lea's body by now.
Lea laughed out loud like a duck. "Sorry, sorry. I guess I'm just not talented at this."
Jack's face looked sour. "You want me to plant you here alive?"
Lea was silent for a moment. It seemed that this time she didn't dare to taunt too much because Jack really looked angry. She still loved her life, and didn't want to let her body be completely planted by Jack.
***
They finally sat under a tree, enjoying a cold bottle of water after working hard in the garden. Lea looked at the seedlings they planted with pride.
"Thank you even though I said it insincerely Jack. I really didn't know anything about gardening before this."
Jack smiled. "You're welcome because I know that your gardening knowledge has really fallen off. Gardening does require patience and diligence. It's hardly an activity suitable for an impatient person like you."
Lea nodded. "Oh thank you for the kind words. Hmm... maybe next time I'll plant something easier first, like flowers or houseplants."
"That's a good idea. And I should suggest to you that I be allowed to help you with gardening. Because I really pity that your gardening knowledge is completely down."
Lea chuckled. "Of course, but you'll have to be patient if you have a water on the head or shovel in the hand incident like earlier for the second time.
"If you do it a second time like that again. Then I won't hesitate to get back at you," Jack said with a big smile like a psychopath. "May your mustard greens and tomatoes flourish, Lea."