// Moments later - Sydney, Australia //
Anthony took me in Observatory Hill, in the highest point in the city. It was after I asked him I wanted to talk to him about certain matters. The ones private.
In the hill, beneath the huge Moreton Bay fig tree, is an empty bench. A perfect spot for two souls searching for clarification.
The hilltop grasses have maintained their green color but the leaves of the fig tree scattered lifeless in the ground. These leaves reflected my heart when I asked Anthony about Penny and Junior. And jail.
In an instant, Anthony lost his casual pose. His gaze dropped, hands gripping, as we were both seated silently.
He was pondering to himself, with anger crossing through his face, and probably wondering at how I’ve learned it all.
Then he drew an elaborately deep breath and let it out slowly. To my surprise, he didn’t give a direct answer nor raised his voice.
“You know why the leaves change color in autumn?” he asked lightly and faced me.
I didn’t know exactly what he was trying to point out but I opted to listen, especially the part when his eyes revealed more rumble and ocean storms.
“It’s because the chlorophyll had disappeared.” Anthony began explaining. “Nothing is no longer masking the other pigments in the leaves. This is when the autumn colors are revealed.” Anthony focused his stare at me and proceeded, “As Autumn progresses, the leaves break off with time. Then trees and shrubs lose their leaves.”
Anthony made it sound easy but complicated on my emotions. Yet I managed to keep mum and just glare at him, waiting for the words that would finally calm the thunderstorm in my heart.
“Leaves are shoved off so that the trees can survive the winter and grow new leaves in the spring. It’s a matter of self-preservation. It's safer that way.”
I knew then that Anthony was using a figure of speech. Anthony was obviously referring to his past relationship with Penny, that he chose to preserve himself. And it scared me to death I might end up with the same fate.
“But my love,” he steadied his gaze and reassured, ”with you, I am an evergreen. The leaves won’t shove off in the winter, they stay on.”
For a full minute, we just gave each other an eye-to-eye.
“And the jail time?” I asked when I had the chance.
“I wasn’t born with a silver spoon, unlike you, Natalie.” Anthony let out a soft groan, his face a blend of anger and frustration. “I didn’t have a father who would tell me right from wrong. Because to him, alcohol was his only son.”
The way Anthony delivered those words put a dagger in my heart.
“When you grow up like that, nothing seems to be wrong anymore.” His tone effortlessly exhibited volumes of emotions I couldn’t blurt out a single word to console him. I simply reached out to his hand and gave a light pat.
“It was only in jail, when I learned that stealing is not the same as taking. That sex is not the same as love.” Anthony leaned closer now, held my hand to his chest, and looked straight in my eyes. “It was a different me when I’ve done those horrible things. This is me now, Natalie. I may be a mess, but I planned to tell you everything! I did, Natalie.”
Shocked, I looked away for a moment and faced him again when I gathered back my composure.
“I know, it was selfish, Natalie! But damn, it was hard for me, too!” Anthony struggled and almost cried. “Don’t let this slip away.”
My heart ached as I watched a man turn into a boy. I couldn’t deny feeling the worst pain in Anthony. I felt I was more selfish if I deny him a second chance.
“I love you, Anthony.” I stuttered. “But it could have been easier for me if I learned it straight from you rather than…”
Then I admitted my sister had him probed, and that I felt so awfully betrayed by all of it.
“It is so painful.” I sobbed as I buried my head into his shoulder, thumping my shaking hand over his chest.
“I’m sorry.” Anthony kissed my hair and wrapped me further. “Oh love, I wish I could remove all your pain away. Forgive me I wasn’t man enough.” Then he volunteered to wipe all my teardrops away, and kissed my forehead over and over.
We simply sat there. Silent. Except for the pounding of our forgiving hearts.