Chapter 51
But my step across the bridge stopped when Saint began to speak.
"I didn't kill your mother." That word is all I hear from him but my blood is now boiling. I forced a deep breath to suppress the anger ruling in my chest. I want to think first of everything I will do in front of him now. I wish I knew how to answer him gently and not get angry with him again or slap him. "Listen to me, I didn't kill your mother Mary." But it seems that he intends to drain my patience today. "Again, I didn't kill Eve, Mary. I-It was a fated death." But after I heard what he said today, it seemed like all my restraint of anger ended in nothing. I quickly turned back to him and slapped him hard. A slap I know he will never forget.
"Saint, do you think you can still fool me? I know everything, my two eyes saw! You killed my mother. You killed her! You killed her! You killed her!" I couldn't stop punching and scolding him.
"Damn it, Mary, I didn't kill her! I won't be able to kill my brother's wife. She's Adam's wife and even if she had another mortal husband at this time the truth would remain that she was set and destined to be Adam's wife!" That's where the tears came to my eyes. I didn't think I would cry after everything that happened. It was as if Saint was a trigger and he could reverse my emotions. He could stamp the things I was hiding. He can bring out the real me.
The fact that I try to fortify myself with everything that is happening is self -deception. And I know that better than anyone today. This time I can’t lean on to Saint. It's not like before that I can approach him whenever I need someone sympathy. Because this time he was my biggest problem.
"Fine! Let's just say you didn't kill her. But Saint, you let my mother die. You let her die even if there was a way to help her. You let her die even if you could stop the time because you are the angel that holding the time. " At what I said Saint was stunned. He didn’t seem to expect me to know even that thing.
"Lucifer told you?" he asked. But I could not answer him. Tears welled up in my eyes as if all the emotions I had hidden in the past had been released. I wondered what magic he used to me the reason why my tears didn’t seem to hold back my eyes. Combined hatred, anger, fear and grief are things that it seems to him I can only show more than anyone or any creature in this world.
"Yes, he said so."
"And you trust him more than me? Babe, don't you trust me?" It's funny that he called me babe again today.
"Saint, I saw it all."
"No! You didn't!" At that point, his voice also rose, he seemed to be frustrated with me as well.
Well same here.
I was about to say something when the thunder blew out loud. Seems like a sign that anytime soon the heavy rain will fall. But for me, that was a sign of Saint anger.
At that point, I wiped tears from my eyes. I can't believe he's this angry and hot-headed.
"Mary, why can't you trust me? You don't see the whole thing! You don't know everything about what happened. So why are you judging me? Of all the creatures in this world, you! You and only you is the one whom I hope to believe me in the end! Babe, I didn't kill your mother. " When Saint said that we just stared at each other. I could see in his eyes the sincerity. I could also see him telling the truth but that was different from the memories I had witnessed.
"Saint you can't blame me. You can't blame me for believing Lucifer! You weren't here for almost 1 month. You didn't show up! You didn't show up! What do you expect me to think? You're so unfair too! It's just so unfair Saint! "
"That's why I always made Gavin visit you—"
"But he's not you! I want my boyfriend! I want my Saint Archangel, not Gavin or not anyone else! I want your explanation! I want to listen to you! I want to believe you but over time without you, no I already know what I believe in you! You left me with no choice but to believe that you killed my mother. You left me for a month thinking that you were the reason why she died and you are a bastard to think I didn't believe you, because Saint! I want to, I also want to believe in you! But how can I believe to someone who didn't even explain to me. " It was there that the heavy rain fell along with the strong gust of wind caused by the cold brought on by the emotions of the grim reaper in front of me. This is not because of his power but because of his aura. Every grim reaper has a unique coolness to carry and that’s what he brings out at this point.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry because I leave you, I had to go and leave you for a while to negotiate with Lucifer to stop him because I don't think I can stand it. But I promise I didn't kill your mother, I didn't kill Eve. " At that point, I just thought that maybe he was missing in action because of what happened between me and Lucifer. When he told me that, it was as if I had calmed down accompanied by cold water from the rain.
"But I saw it, I saw you leaving my mom Saint. I saw you, Saint, I saw it with my two eyes how you turned the clock back on even though you knew the track would hit my mother. How can you explain that to me?"
"Mary, it was fated death. I swear I didn't kill anyone, things that heaven also doesn't believe in me. This is the reason why I am here, why I am serving as a grim reaper, not an angel who has a high rank in heaven. This isn't what I used to do back then, but no one believed and I don't ever think that even you won't be able to believe or even listen to me." I was stunned by what he said. Although my eyes were dimming, my two eyes could see how tears flowed into Saint's eyes.
For the first time, I saw him cry. For the first time, I saw a grim reaper cry because of me. He was shedding tears as if my opinion was something more important to him than heaven’s opinion. Because of that, the clenching of my fist loosened. However I still can't accept it, he still has no explanation as to what happened. He still couldn’t explain to me why he let the truck hit my mother. And that's the thing I want to know, that's the thing I want to hear from him. I want him to explain right now.
"I don't understand you, explain to me I'll listen if you explain. Saint, I'll listen to you."
I saw how he swallow slightly before he tried to hold my hand. But it was I who avoided and backed away from him. I still can't, I still can't understand him. I just want him to explain because even I was confused. I know what I saw and although I know Lucifer can be playful I also know he won’t reverse what happened. Unless he hides some details.
"It's funny that you said you will listen to me but you step back. Are you afraid?" There was a look of frustration on his face, I ignored it and chose to ask again.
"Do you have anything else to say besides your denial? Will you explain more? Just tell me if this conversation isn't over yet." It was there that I saw his grin however I forced myself not to send and think whatever he was thinking. Now, I need to know something and I’m sure he won’t tell me that if I don’t be stubborn.
"Fine, I will tell you what you want." after saying that he took a deep breath. I can’t help but admire his simple actions as if he was also a human being and not a grim reaper who reaps the souls of the dying or an angel who fell from heaven and was punished by God for his sin.
"Mary, everyone in the world has a destiny. God is living proof of love and he has given life to each one with the help of love. He also has given each one destiny and other creatures than human are not exempted." After saying that thing heaven seemed angry. There was loud thunder and lightning the reason why I suddenly jumped in shock for a moment. Yet I continued to listen to the story he was revealing. "As the angel in heaven holding the time. I have been waiting a hundred thousand years to recognize who is set for me. Yet I have not lost hope that I will someday meet the one who is set for me and I know God will give it to me because he loves me as his child. I believe that not only Adam our youngest brother be given, I and my brothers who serve a god that in heaven hope that someday will come and we will also see the one who destined to us. Yet as the years passed by, our father seemed to be busy and entertained by people like Adam. To the point that he seemed to have forgotten us. There my brothers began to rebel but I was different, I remained faithful until the end. But when you came, you were just a baby and I feel like you were mine. I feel like God gave you to me. I feel like you are the woman for me and for the life I will worship other than the God who created us." I try to understand in the easiest way what he said. I want to understand right away so we don't have to repeat ourselves. "But I can't get you right away because you were just a baby then. That's why I'm still waiting for new years but God seems to be playful. He made you Eve's child the guardian of souls who was Adam's ex-wife. Adam, my human brother who has long since passed away. " At that point, the wind blew hard and again the thunder, lightning and heavy rain did not let up. The rain was weird because it wasn’t normal, it seemed like we were suddenly stormed out.
"And since you're a human being, for me to get you, you have to die. That day when we first met, was the day you were set to die for me to get you. But Eve seemed to know what was going to happen. She wanted you to run away from me. She wanted you not to die and give you to me so that she reconcile you her daughter to death ministry I utterly oppose. You are mine Mary, why should you be given to death ministry? " His eyebrows met when he said that. As if to indicate to me that he was confused by my mother's decision then. That he was against it and if everything happened again he would still be against it. "That's why I'm angry, but that doesn't mean that's the reason why I let her die. No! Because again, I didn't kill your mother." He breathes heavily before continuing, "Mary, I know you knew the law of death. The things that are written can't be changed unless someone replaces them. The death of your mother is a way for you to live and the following events are destined to fulfil the scripture signed by your mother in the ministry of death. I did not want all of this but I know that the anger that I felt was a sin that is why I was in this position. The angels in heaven have no right to be angry, jealous or feel hatred. Things that people or creatures do that are sinful and that is the thing that I try to fill to get back. "
When he revealed that matter in front of me, I felt like I was completely stiff in my stance. My feet and hands were cold and I couldn’t believe what I heard. On the whole, Saint wants to say that things that happen are predestined. My mother’s death was not his fault because it was set for me to live. Everything that happened wasn't faulted by anyone because it was my mother's chosen destiny and no one needs to be blamed for something that destiny has already written. A big proof that the world has never been selfish. It is equal when judging every creature.
But Molly's aunt soon found the cracked plate in the trash. He got angry and scolded Molly so she did nothing but tell the truth.