Silas opened the door of their house. He was greeted by his three younger siblings – Sam, Sloan, and Sheldon. He glanced inside and saw his and his sister’s bike parked; thankfully it wasn’t disposed. The three clung on his shoulders; he badly missed those adorable smiles.
“Have you eaten? I got you some baked sushi” he said and showed them the paper bag he’s holding.
“We already ate but we’ll consume that because you bought it” said Sheldon – the youngest of the three. Sam added, “I saw the milk shake in the car. Can I have that?” she asked.
“But I already drank half of it!” said Silas but Samantha didn’t care. After all, they are siblings
and his sickness is not congenital. The two boys grabbed the paper bag and started eating on their dining table.
His stepdad appeared upstairs with a smile on his face. “It’s been a long time since I saw you here at home. What do you want to play? Forza, FIBA, or NBA?” he asked. They really get along with video games. Silas looked at her mom as if he’s asking if she’ll allow him to play games.
His mom answered, “Fine, but this will be the last time for a while. We’ll proceed tomorrow in your appointment”. Silas got excited; he removed his bag and left it in the ground.
The two went upstairs. Kris – his stepdad uttered, “I cleaned your room. Look at those discs,
they were left untouched like how you left it before going inside the seminary” he said.
Silas looked around, “So this is my new room. You arranged it the way it was arranged in the apartment”
His stepdad opened the tv and started connecting the wires while Silas is choosing the game he prefers to play. To his stepdad’s surprise, Silas chose Halo.
Kris uttered, “I thought you don’t like supernatural things so you didn’t play this when I gifted it to you”. Silas smirked, the way his stepdad remembers every single detail about him is nothing compared to his original dad.
“I wish you were my dad. To answer that, I thought I should not close my preferences without trying” he answered. Kris looked at him and got the disc from his hand. He replied, “You can also think like I am your original dad. You see, we share common interests and it feels like it’s a trait. Remember even your closest friend can treat you like a brother and sometimes, those who are not blood-related to you are the most understanding”
“You’re right. Can’t say no” he answered and started sitting on his bed while holding his controller. His stepdad did the same after inserting the disc in the tray.
The two enjoyed the Halo game until Clarina entered the room to stop the two.
“That’s enough screen time. Go to bed now” she said while leaning her side on the door.
Silas looked at her with annoyance, “Can you spare us one more hour please?” he asked but Clarina didn’t agree. She answered, “I wish I could. I feel relieved seeing you guys bond with
each other but remember what you have”. Silas sighed and agreed. They turned off the console and called it a day.
Stella is facing her ceiling. Overthinking struck her again making her think of things that are impossible to happen. She talked to herself, “Silas is still a sacristan after all. Sister Hua said even if he quits, we still can’t have each other because I’m not a Catholic; but my dad is a
Catholic! And he’ll probably agree to this. But my mom is toxic; so how can I be Catholic?” she asked herself. She started rolling on her bed until she fell on the carpet below.
“That’s it” she said while pointing her finger in the air. “I have to be Catholic even if we don’t have a chance. I can’t live my old faith life here so when I shift, I can live my faith… Right, my decision is not about Silas” she added.
She laid and stared on the ceiling once again. She thought about another possibility. “l can be a nun and Silas will be a priest. We still can’t be together; even if you look on different sides, it is still impossible for us to become together again” she sighed.
A small chuckle left her mouth but it was followed by tears.
She got her face covered with her palms. She let out all the sobs and started wiping her tears,
“No, I can’t cry because of him. This is too unreasonable!” she said.
She thought about shifting her religion overnight.
When the next morning came, she built up her courage and started talking to her parents. Unfortunately, before she could ever say her decision, her parents started receiving calls from their works and left her again in the dining table alone for breakfast.
She walked outside with her dog until she walked past the church. The place is still the same; it is the place where they often spend time together. She thinks she already moved on but every
time she sees a sign of Silas, all the tragedy comes back.
Xavier looked at her from afar; he expected her to go inside but Stella kept moving forward; ignoring her memories from the place. She decided to go to the park they used to visit. There are less people there because it is a school day. She sat down at the bench and started
caressing the side where Silas used to sit. As usual, their favorite stall vendor was there.
“Stella, why are you alone?” he asked when he noticed Stella came by herself. Stella sighed, she went near and started picking the food she wants. She answered, “Uncle Li, he said that he will fight his own battle. What does that mean?” she asked.
The vendor answered, “Stella, there are different reasons for that. Considering your case, maybe he needs to fix himself first so that the next day he’ll face you, he will be a better man”
“We lasted for only three months. How can he be so damaged by that duration? He never said a word and it left me clueless. I ran around like a crazy woman searching for something that can make my soul calm” she replied.
“Stella, fate is challenging you. Maybe fate tests you if you can wait for each other even with a
tough time” the vendor returned the talk.
Stella sighed and started chumming the street food. “Fate? Is that a person? What made that word worthy to play our relationship?” she asked.
“Fate can’t be seen. Maybe it can tell you what to do but the destination is still a mystery. Only you can find your fate. But even if you already found your fate, sometimes that one cannot be
accepted and you’ll end up forcing yourself to the other side” he said that made Stella realize the missing piece in her. She already lost faith.
She sat down and started thinking. She thought of soul searching, finding herself, and shifting religion because she thinks that it is the better choice for her to fix herself and her understanding in her environment. She is trapped by her mother’s words and she can’t decide on her. Apart from that, she asked herself, “Will I be a bad daughter if I try to say what I really want? It took time for them to be
convinced with my chosen course and now, it makes me anxious to tell them what I want”
She remained the same, still coward to face her parents regarding her preferences. She looked up and saw the clouds turn gray. It suits her mood well; the drizzle from her windows made her remember what happened yesterday. Truthfully, moving on isn’t easy especially he is her firsts.
First kiss, first hug, first date, and first love.
The first one who captivated her heart. The first one to make her feel butterflies in her stomach, and the first one who treated her special even if in the end, they still need to part
ways. Things are too complicated and she can’t deny that.
She re-watched Silas’ video that made her miss him more. She kept repeating Silas’ words and few more questions entered her mind, “Die? Why would he die?” she asked.