I laughed, that's how a Xiongnu woman is, if she likes she will say she likes it, if she wants to marry a man she says she will marry him, she never hides her own feelings, and she doesn't find it embarrassing either. “Don't mind me, even though we are friends, the matter of you wanting to marry Yinzhixie is your own business. I just hope I'll never see him face to face again." Somewhat fearfully Mudaduo looked at me “Do you want to kill Shanyu?”
I shook my head, then answered truthfully, “Now no, before I felt really sad and wanted to fight back, but it finally calmed down, after this……after this I shouldn't, I just want not to see him face to face for the rest of my life. Mudaduo, actually it's not me who can decide whether to kill him or not, but he's the one who decides whether to kill me or not. There are some actions that must be done thoroughly, otherwise he will always feel misgivings, therefore he would rather grieve the guilt after A Die's suicide than give him a way out”.
Mudaduo's face changed slightly, as if he understood what I said, but he didn't want to admit it and still stubbornly said, “Shanyu doesn't want you to die, the order he gave is not……”
Smiling bitterly I said, “What are you afraid of? Are you still afraid that I will kill him? If he wants to kill me this is very easy, but isn't it very difficult for me to kill him? He is the Xiongnu nation's number one warrior, and also the Xiongnu nation's Shanyu. If I want to kill him, I must fight against the entire Xiongnu nation, therefore I can only harbor this grudge for the rest of my life. A Die just wanted me to find someone who would gift me a peony flower, make myself happy with all my might, and not drown in sorrow. Mudaduo, even if one day Yinzhixie and I meet face to face, you don't need to worry, I'm just worried that if he knows I'm still alive, my life in Chang'an will be difficult.”
Guilt appeared in Mudaduo's eyes, he said earnestly, "I will not tell anyone that you are still alive".
'The sixth Yuanshuo year, the first day of the first month, the first day of the new year. I don't know if this year I will always be happy, but on the first day of the new year I am very happy. During the thirty nights I unraveled the rags from Xiao Tao's feet and it made me happy all night, Jiu Ye invited me to play at Shi Mansion at noon on New Year's Day, this is the first time you took the initiative to invite me. I'm thinking how in the future there will be many opportunities like that, very many'
When I put the pieces of cloth into the bamboo box, I noticed that, without realizing it, the pieces of cloth had become a small pile. I don't know when I will be able to tell him the thousand and one thoughts in the pieces of cloth.
Previously I went to wish grandfather and Shi Feng a happy new year, after chatting and joking with grandfather and Shi Feng for more than half a day, I went to the Bamboo Hut.
As soon as I arrived at the Bamboo Hut, I smelled a faint flower fragrance, I felt a bit surprised, usually Jiu Ye never planted flowers like that.
Inside the room, a potbellied clay vase was placed on the table, inside of which were a few branches of white plum blossoms, the branches were not tall and the flowers were dangling out of the vase, but the flowers were blooming profusely, looking very vibrant.
Next to the plum blossoms were a pair of wine cups and chopsticks facing each other, while a pot of wine was being heated in a charcoal stove. I couldn't help but raise the corners of my lips. I approached the plum blossoms, then smelled it, Jiu Ye came out of the room pushing his wheelchair, "The fragrance of the flowers seems to exist and not exist". I turned to look at him, "I don't care how it smells, the important thing is I'm happy."
He smiled warmly, I put my hands behind my back, then asked with a smile, "What delicious dishes do you want to invite me to eat?" He said, "Soon you will know."
He invited me to sit beside the table, then poured hot wine for me. "Your shoulder still hurt?" "Ah", I said, confusedly I looked at him, but I immediately reacted and quickly nodded "It doesn't hurt anymore".
He was stunned, "Actually sick or not?" I shook my head "Just a little sore".
He laughed, "Think carefully before speaking, if it hurts, it hurts, if it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt. Why do your body movements and words contradict each other?" I hit myself on the head, you useless person. I felt my shoulder, "It doesn't hurt like before, but sometimes it hurts a bit".
He said, "Even if you're busy you have to take good care of your body first, it's very cold outside and everyone is wearing layers of clothing, let's see what you're wearing? It's no wonder your throat hurts, your head hurts or your shoulder hurts."
I looked down and turned the cup of wine on the table, then sneered and smiled, I was secretly happy. Shi Yu called out, “Jiu Ye”, from behind the window, then came in carrying a large tray, on top of which were two large covered bowls, smirking at me, he placed a bowl each in front of me and Jiu Ye.
I looked at the bowl in front of me, then asked in surprise with a smile, "Are you inviting me to eat noodles?"
Jiu Ye opened the lid of the bowl for me, "It is said that the God of Longevity Peng Zu can live up to eight hundred years more because his (lian) face is long, lian is the same as mian, lian long is longevity noodles, with this bowl of longevity noodles I wish you a happy birthday year to you, may you live long and be happy".
The noodles in the bowl were silky as hair, the broth was bone broth white as milk, the surface was sprinkled with light green coriander slices and scallions. With chopsticks I lifted a string of noodles, then said softly, "Today isn't my birthday."
He softly said, "Everyone should have a special day, because you don't know when your birthday is, let's just use today! On this day last year we met here again, today is a lucky day, and also the first day new year. After this every year on your birthday, every family will be happy with you".
My throat constricted, I couldn't say anything, and could only chop the noodles and put it in my mouth, by my side he calmly accompanied me to eat those longevity noodles.
The noodles are fragrant and soft, when it reaches the stomach, the whole body becomes warm. I, who always considered meat to be the only good food, felt for the first time that noodles were the most delicious food under heaven.
After eating the noodles, the two of us slowly drank the wine while talking. My drinking strength is very low, so I don't dare to drink much, but I don't want to drink at all, so I sip it little by little, I like the feeling of being slightly drunk when the two of us toasting each other, it felt warm and happy.
Winter days get dark quickly, as soon as past shenshi
, the room was already dark. Jiu Ye lit the candle, in my heart I knew I should excuse myself, but I was reluctant to go home, for a moment I hesitated but finally made up my mind, I pretended to inadvertently said, "Recently I learned a song, my playing is now much better than before."
With a smile Jiu Ye said, "It turns out that you have time to learn songs, apparently you are not as busy as I thought, what song is that?"
Resolutely I said, "I'll play it, let's see, do you know or not?"
He took out a rusty flute, wiped it with a clean handkerchief, then handed it to me. I lowered my head, not daring to look at him, my hand holding the kumala flute trembled slightly, after putting it in my sleeve for a while, I lifted it to the side of my lips.
Tonight is an extraordinary night, I took a boat and sailed in the middle of the river.
Today is a great day, boat with the prince. I'm so embarrassed, but I don't care.
I don't know anything, but I don't care, I get to know the prince.
On the mountain there are trees and on the trees there are branches. Does he know my heart?
I've practiced this song a thousand times, but when I played it this time, sometimes my flute would vibrate. After I finished playing it, I still looked down, holding the flute, I sat motionless, worried that if I moved I would break something.
Silent silence, silent as a grave, in the midst of that silence the air seemed to congeal, the candle flames no longer danced, as if they were getting dimmer.
"I've never heard of it, but the melody is pretty good, but you don't play it well, it's getting dark soon, go home!" Jiu Ye said blandly.
Crack! Before it felt pain, my heart had cracked, after a while, pain spread from the crack to my whole body, my body that was in pain trembled softly. I looked up at him, our eyes met, his pupils suddenly wrinkled and quickly avoided my sight. I stubbornly continued to stare at him, but he focused his gaze on the white plum blossoms in the clay vase. The question 'why?' and the wound in my heart seems to be ignored.
He won't care about me anymore, let's go! At least I haven't stripped myself naked and can still go honorably. In my heart a soft voice advised me, but I also still hope, hope that he will look up and look at me one more time.
After a very long time, I got up without saying anything, then walked to the door, when I was about to open the door, I realized that my hand was still gripping the kumala flute tightly, because my grip was too tight, my fingernails penetrated my palm and blood stains regarding the flute, it was crimson and shocking.
I turned and carefully placed the flute on the table, then limped my way through the door.
Amidst the dim light, I wandered aimlessly, I couldn't remember whether I was going back to Luoyu Fang. My mind was filled with a voice like thunder that kept repeating, 'I've never heard of it, but the melody is pretty good, but you don't play it well'.
Why? Why? Do you have no feelings for me at all? But why is he so good to me? Why when I come home at night, he is waiting for me under the light of the lantern? Why does he always worry about my every ailment, even if it's trivial, and always carefully writes prescriptions for me and advises me? Why speak to me softly and affectionately? Why celebrate my birthday? Why? Too many 'why', makes my head hurt so bad it's about to burst.
During the New Year celebration in front of every house hung a big red lantern, its warm red light illuminates the streets, the air is full of the sweet smell of meat, everything is warm and sweet, when I look up I see happiness everywhere, but when I look down, I only see my reflection sometimes clear and sometimes hazy, swaying to and fro in the light of the lantern.
Some children were playing fireworks in the street, "Bang, bang!", in the middle of the fire the fireworks exploded, the children were laughing while covering their ears and hiding in a far place waiting for the sound of an explosion.
I walked past the fire, coincidentally fireworks were exploding, after a very loud explosion sound was heard, sparks fell on my dress, the wind blew and ignited it. Seeing him, the children screamed and scattered. I looked down and saw that the fire on my clothes was getting bigger and bigger. After being stunned for a moment, I reacted. I worriedly patted my clothes with my hands, but the fire was already raging and difficult to extinguish. When I was about to roll on the ground to put out the fire, a fur coat flashed over my dress and immediately extinguished the flames.
“Is your hand injured?” Huo Qubing asked. I shook my head and withdrew my left hand, then hid it behind my back.
Huo Qubing flicked the fur coat in his hand, then sighed and said, "Too bad, I just got it from the emperor a few days ago, and I just put it on today."
I was about to say that I would replace it, but as soon as I heard that the coat was a gift from the emperor, I immediately covered my mouth. He noticed my eyes, then covered me with the big coat, "Even though it's damaged, it's much better than your dress with holes".
I pulled the coat closer "Why are you out on the street?"
He said, "I just got back from wishing the princess and my uncle a happy new year. How come you're all alone in the street? It looks like you've been hanging around for so long that your hair is full of icicles". As he spoke he cleaned the ice off my temples carefully.
Before answering, I turned and looked in all directions, trying to find out where I really was, only to find that in a confused state I had circled half of Chang'an city. He looked at me for a while, "It's new year, why are you so gloomy? Come with me!"
Before I could refuse, he had forced me to jump into the carriage, my strength was exhausted, now I just feel indifferent, without saying anything, I let him take care of everything.
Seeing that I didn't refuse, he sat down without saying anything, only the creaking of the carriage wheels could be heard.
After a long while, he said, “I know what song you're playing. I once hummed a few notes of it carelessly, then the emperor overheard it and asked while teasing me,
who is that girl who sang the Song of the Yue People for me. Confused I asked the emperor, 'Why can't a man sing that song?'"
I forced myself to smile.
"Chu and Yue countries are close together, but the language is different. When King E of Chu country rides a boat through Yue country, the Yue girl who rides the boat is attracted to him, but she doesn't know the king's language, so she is forced to sing a song. King E knows what this means. the song, and understanding the girl's heart, he laughed and took the girl home". Huo Qubing excitedly told the story that happened hundreds of years ago.
Because of the meeting that ended so beautifully, maybe many girls imitate Yue girl's actions and try to achieve happiness for themselves, but not everyone can achieve their goals. I didn't want to listen to that story again and cut him off, "Where are you taking me?"
He stared at me for a few moments without saying anything, then suddenly smiled radiantly like the rising sun, "Ask you to listen to the boys singing."
It turned out that Huo Qubing took me directly to the Yulin Cavalry Army headquarters. Upon his accession to the throne, Liu Che selected good young men born in the six prefectures, namely Longxi, Tianshui, Anding, Peide, Shangjun and Xihe, to guard Jianzhang Palace. At that time, Empress Dou Dou held government affairs. Although Liu Che had the ambition to exterminate the Xiongnu, he could not do anything about it, so he acted like a rich young man who liked to live in luxury. Liu Che divided the guards of Jianzhang Palace into two armies, wearing Xiongnu and Han dynasty uniforms respectively, and trained them in combat. This seemed to be a young man's game to amuse himself, but that army was actually an army that Liu Che had trained for many years, thus becoming the mainstay of the Han Dynasty. Now the army has changed its name to the Yulin Cavalry Troop, after the motto 'quick as an arrow (yu), more numerous than the trees of the forest (lin)'.
Even though it was New Year's, the atmosphere in the headquarters was still full of discipline. After arriving at the barracks, you could feel the New Year's atmosphere. The door to the barracks was wide open and large candles lit the room ablaze inside, a red fire was burning in the hearth, above which they were roasting meat, the aromas of meat and wine mingled in the air, whet the appetite.
Huo Qubing was a member of the Yulin Army, the people sitting around the fireplace seemed to be very familiar with him, when they saw Huo Qubing they smiled. A man dressed in brocade said with a smile, "Your nose is sharp, the fresh venison has just been grilled, but you have come". When I heard his voice I stepped forward, he was Li Gan.
Before answering, Huo Qubing invited me to sit in a place prepared for us among the crowd of people. When they saw me, they didn't look surprised at all, as if I was supposed to be there, or maybe they thought all of Huo Qubing's actions were normal. A young man placed a cup each in front of me and Huo Qubing, without saying anything, he then filled them up to the brim with wine.
Huo Qubing was also speechless, he toasted to the audience, then looked up and downed the wine, everyone laughed, smiling Li Gan said, "It turns out that you don't have much reason and already know that you will be punished for drinking wine for being late." As he spoke he poured another cup of wine, in an instant Huo Qubing had downed three cups of wine.
Everyone looked at me, under the light of the bonfire, their faces looked fresh, their young eyes looked clear, innocent and lively, shining like fire, whether it was the bonfire or their eyes, I felt my heart warm, I took a deep breath, then poured the wine with a smile and followed Huo Qubing toast everyone. After that, I closed my eyes and drank the wine in one breath.
As soon as the cup of wine entered my stomach, the audience applauded laughing and cheering, I wiped the remaining wine on my lips, then put the cup on the table. The second cup was already filled, as I was about to take it, Huo Qubing poured some wine into his cup and said blandly, "He's my guest, the remaining two cups of wine consider it mine". While talking he drank it.
Li Gan looked at me, then said with a smile, "Seeing that she can't drink, I will follow your example, master, and get the beauty drunk. This is very rare! Caixia Li Gan". As he spoke he leaned towards me, for a moment I was stunned, then came to my senses and saluted him.
Li Gan and Huo Qubing's relationship was obviously very good. In front of crowds, Huo Qubing rarely spoke, his face often appeared haughty and cold, people didn't like feeling looked down upon, so they usually kept their distance from him. However, Li Gan and Huo Qubing, one warm and the other cold, seem to like each other.
Li Gan filled Huo Qubing's third cup, then filled his own cup and accompanied Huo Qubing to drink. After that he sliced the deer meat and placed it in front of me and Huo Qubing. Huo Qubing stabbed a piece of meat with a knife and handed it to me as he said in a low voice, “Eat some meat to suppress the hangover.”
By then everyone else had eaten the venison while sitting or standing, no one was using chopsticks, some were tearing the meat with their hands and eating it, while the somewhat elegant ones were using knives to eat. There were also those who were busy playing guessing games, their screams deafening.
The hangover started to rise to my head, my eyes were dizzy, I only knew that as long as Huo Qubing gave me a piece of meat, I would eat it. I directly put the meat in my mouth with my hand, then wiped the oil in my mouth with his coat.
With blurry eyes because of drunkenness, I seemed to see the youths singing while banging on the table, I also sang along with them.
"........sing Your Majesty's life, take me to war. Mother and father warned, hang up bows and arrows, watch all over, this day lasts a lifetime. Manly men will not give up, horses trample Xiongnu, Han has the upper hand; iron bow cold, blood hot"
Amidst the cheers, the sorrow and anxiety in my heart seemed to be pouring out of my heart little by little. Today is also the first time I understand the spirit of the youth, my blood also stirred.
The next day, while groaning as I came to my senses, Hong Gu poured a bowl of hangover soup for me while whispering, "You didn't like drinking before, but once you drink it's like this".
I clutched my head, it weighed a thousand pounds. Hong Gu shook his head, then fed me spoonful after spoonful of soup, after drinking a few spoonfuls, I asked, "How can I go home?"
Hong Gu smiled strangely, coquettishly glanced at me, "You're so drunk, how can you go home? Young Master Huo took you home, I was about to have someone carry you to your room, but he carried you himself to your room".
"Oh!", I said, my head felt heavier, with a triumphant smile, Hong Gu said, "Anything else will make your head even more dizzy!"
Helplessly I groaned, "What?"
Hong Gu said, "When Young Master Huo was about to leave, you grabbed his sleeve tightly, forbidding him to go and telling him to explain something, your speech was slurred, I also don't understand what you're saying, but broadly speaking it was like, 'Why are you like that? good to me? Can you not be so nice to me? If you were a bit mean to me, maybe I wouldn't be this sad'. Young Master Huo sat on the side of the bed, keeping company and comforting you all the time, until you fell asleep he just left". I screamed, sat up straight, then collapsed back onto the bed. Exactly what nonsense have I been saying?
Little by little I remembered my erratic behavior, scene after scene seemed to appear in my mind, sometimes it was clear and sometimes it was blurry, I sighed in annoyance, I was really so drunk that my behavior was messed up, after this I can't carried away by hot blood and a sense of brotherhood again.
I held out my left hand which was wrapped in white bandages, "I remember you were the one who bandaged it".
Hong Gu nodded and said, "I was the one who bandaged it, but Young Master Huo watched me do it, and also told me to cut your nails, with a cold face he whispered, 'so he doesn't scratch himself or others'. Too bad, everything I've done for my your fingernails were useless, but upon seeing Young Master Huo's face, I didn't dare to argue at all." I raised my other hand, sure enough, my nails have become very short. I groaned and covered my face with my hands.
"Why isn't anyone singing?" I leaned against the carriage window sill to breathe in the cold wind, Huo Qubing pulled me into the carriage, with a helpless face he said, "Why are you so unable to drink? Does the wine taste so bad?" Smiling I dodged his hand, then chanted loudly while facing the carriage window, "........sing live Your Majesty, take me to war. Mother and father warned me......hang up bows and arrows, be alert.......the corner, today........" He pulled me into the carriage, "Just drank the wine already inhaling the cold, tomorrow if your head hurts don't blame me".
I was about to push him away, but he quickly grabbed my hand, his grip happened to be right on my scar, in pain I took a deep breath, he held my palm and looked at it, "What's this? Did you fight with the person in your sleeve?" I chuckled and said "I did it myself". He gently asked, "Does it hurt?" I shook my head and pointed at my own chest while biting my lip, as if smiling and crying at the same time, "It really hurts here". His face was calm, he didn't say anything, but in his eyes there was a hint of sadness, he looked at me without blinking, looked at me who was already drunk but still sad, no wonder I didn't dare to look at him and quickly avoided his eyes.
Hong Gu laughed like a mouse that managed to steal food, he grabbed my clothes, then pulled me up, "Don't think about it anymore, after drinking the soup that cures hangovers, eat some porridge, then have the maidservant serve you a hot bath, after that you don't will be sad again.”
Now Xiao Tao and Xiao Qian like to eat egg yolks, Xiao Qian is not bad, when she wants to eat, she squeaks, but Xiao Tao is very mischievous, wherever I go, she always follows, circling around my dress, surprising me every step of the way. I thought of 'killing him by stomping on him' or 'killing him by fattening him up', but after hesitating for a moment, I decided to let him kill himself slowly. This decision will prevent me from accompanying them to eat chicken eggs anymore: they eat the yolk, while I eat the egg white.
While watching Xiao Tao and Xiao Qian I often pensive, I try my best to forget Jiu Ye's words, namely 'I've never heard of it, but the melody is pretty good, but you don't play it well'. Every time I think of those words, it feels like my heart is being stabbed by a sword. We haven't been in touch for more than a month, sometimes I think, are we not going to be in touch forever after this?
It was late at night, I leaned against the window sill looking at the dots of starlight, Xiao Tao and Xiao Qian's white color in the middle of the night constantly made me realize that the light of this night and before was not the same. I secretly asked myself, did I do something wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have played that song, or at least we could still exchange pigeon letters at night. I'm too greedy, want too much, but I can't stop myself from being greedy.
Actually, I should send people to Tianxiang Fang to find out where Yinzhixie has gone, but I, who was always on guard in Chang'an, couldn't do what I should have done. playing the flute or playing around with the girls of our entertainment house to pass the time, did I ignore it on purpose and forget about it? It turns out that after so many years have passed, I still don't have the courage to face it.