HER heart was beating crazy while waiting for the doctor to come in. Yvonne just had an echocardiogram that day, as instructed by the doctor.
“I’m sorry for making you wait,” the doctor said upon her return. “My hunch was right. You have an atrial septal defect, Miss Buenaflor. It seemed that your case has progressed through the years.”
Yvonne felt cold all over upon hearing her doctor’s words.
“You mean… those irregular heartbeats and shortness of breath that I’ve been experiencing all these years aren’t because of a panic attack?”
“The result of your echocardiogram shows that you have ASD.” The doctor showed her the result on the laptop. “Don’t you know about this?”
She tried to recall her hospital visits when she was a kid.
“The only thing I can remember is that I’ve been seeing a doctor, but I don’t know what that was for.”
The only clear memory she could remember was when she was just nine. That was when the doctor told her parents to watch out for her. As a kid, she quite didn’t understand what was happening around her.
“Many babies born with ASD fail to show signs or symptoms. There are cases where the signs become noticeable in adulthood, which seems to be your case,” the doctor explained. “Have you ever got pregnant, or were you expecting right now?”
“I got pregnant once, five years ago.”
“How was it?”
“I had a delicate pregnancy back then, so I was under bed rest since the start of the second trimester.” Yvonne clasped her hands. “What I want to know is… what will happen next. Am I going to die now, doctor?”
“I’ll be honest with you. There is a risk of complications after the surgery. But the risk can be manageable if you take good care of yourself.”
“I-is the surgery that urgent?” She held her breath as she waited for the doctor’s response.
“It’d be better if you undergo the surgery sooner.”
She heaved a deep sigh and nodded her head.
“There are things I must sort before undergoing surgery.”
Yvonne went home that day with a heavy heart. She didn’t know how she’d sort things out. She just knew that she must. There were risks, and she couldn’t bet her life when she was possibly leaving her daughter behind. Her parents were old, and it’d be hard for them to care for Gold if something terrible ever happened to her.
“Why is this happening?” she muttered between her sobs.
Was that her karma for keeping her daughter a secret from Rohan? She hoped not. Why would fate bring her karma when she was the one who got hurt in the first place? Yvonne heaved a sigh and composed herself before coming inside the house. She didn’t want her daughter to see her in such a devastating state.
“Mama!” Gold jumped off the sofa and ran to her at full speed.
“Oh, careful.” She picked up her daughter and carried her back to the sofa.
Aileen got out of the kitchen with a tray of pastries that she’d baked yesterday and a glass of juice for her daughter. She asked her neighbor to babysit Gold while she was away.
“Oh, you’re back already. How’s the check-up?” Aileen put the tray down on the coffee table. “Gold told me she was hungry. I didn’t know you were already home. Do you want me to get you a drink?”
“It’s fine, Aileen. I can get my own.” She smiled.
Gold crawled down from the sofa and started indulging herself with the pastries.
“Is everything all right, Yvonne?” Her neighbor sounded concerned. “We’ve been living in the same building for three years and have also become good friends. Come on, Yvonne… you can confide to me whatever is bothering you.”
She glanced in her daughter’s direction.
“I’ll tell you some other time, Aileen.”
Yvonne didn’t want her daughter to hear about it. Gold may be just five years old, but she was a brilliant child. There were times that she thought she was talking to someone her age.
Aileen immediately understood what she meant by that and nodded her head.
“I see. Let’s talk about it when it’s just the two of us. Anyway, I’m going now.”
“Thanks for babysitting my daughter, Aileen.” She stood up and walked her to the door.
“No biggies. Any time you need my help, call me. I’m just a knock away.”
She waved her hand at her neighbor before closing the door.
“Mama, are you still sick?” Gold asked when she returned to the sofa.
She didn’t expect her daughter would ask her such a question. But maybe she was just curious. After all, she knew she’d gone to the hospital to see the doctor.
“Are you worried about me?” She sat down beside her daughter and brushed the crumbs on her cheeks. “Don’t worry about me, okay? Mama’s fine.”
“I don’t want you to die, Mama. It’d be sad if you left me.”
She froze after hearing what her daughter had said.
“Hey…” Yvonne pulled her for a tight hug. “I’m not going to die….”
“Promise?” Gold pulled away from her embrace and raised her pinky.
Her throat ached as she tried to hold back her tears.
“Promise…” Yvonne sealed her promise to her daughter despite the uncertainty of the future. She then caressed the tip of Gold’s nose and kissed her neck.
Her daughter squealed, and soon they were tickling each other. Yvonne laughed with her daughter as though there was nothing wrong. Their laughter echoed inside the house.
“Gold… let’s go home,” she told her daughter after they were done tickling each other.
“But we’re home, Mama,” said her daughter, puzzled about what she was talking about.
Yvonne heaved a sigh and caressed the side of her daughter’s head.
“I mean… let’s go home to Nonna and Nonno.”
She wouldn’t dare to undergo that surgery without ensuring her daughter was in good hands.
“Is Bean-bean coming with us?” Gold picked up the cat loafing on the other end of the sofa.
“Of course.”
 
HER parents teared up joyfully when they saw her and Gold come in. She didn’t inform them that they were coming home. Yvonne only called her cousin Jonas and asked him to fetch them at the airport. And when she saw her daughter in her parents’ arms, that was her turn to cry.
“Hey…” Her mother immediately sauntered toward her. “Is there something wrong?”
Yvonne sniffed and immediately wiped her tears with the back of her hands.
“It’s just that… I’m happy to see us together again.” She smiled while crying.
Her father had fallen ill almost two years ago, so her parents could no longer fly to Italy to visit them. Yvonne tried to go on a vacation to see her parents, but things started to get hectic at work. If not for her surgery, she might be unable to file a leave. Good thing she quickly found someone who could substitute for her at work this time.
“Let’s talk somewhere,” her mom said as she tugged her out of the house.
“Mom…” Yvonne stopped when they reached the garden.
“Something is bothering you. I know.” Her mother turned to face her. “What is it?”
She held her mother’s hands and met her gaze.
“I’m scared, Mom….” Yvonne’s tears started to fall again.
“Tell me what it is you’re scared of.” Her mother cupped her cheek. “Maybe I can help.”
“I’m scared of what will happen to my daughter when I’m gone…” Her words trailed off.
She saw how her mother’s eyes widened. “Yvonne… you’re scaring me as well. Please cut to the chase.”
“I… I need to undergo heart surgery, Mom.” Her mom’s eyes grew even wider. “And there’s a risk after the surgery. I… I couldn’t risk my life without making sure that my daughter is—” She couldn’t finish her sentence.
“Oh, God…”
Yvonne hugged her mother tightly.
“Mom, please promise me you’ll care for my daughter.”
Her mother pulled away from her embrace and grasped her arms.
“Yvonne… you know what’s the best thing to do right now.”
She shook her head hard. “I-I can’t…”
“But why? Rohan is your daughter’s father. You know your father, and I are both old. Yvonne, your dad’s ill as well, and as much as I want to take care of Gold if ever the worst thing happens—”
“And what if he took Gold away from me?” She sobbed.
“That should be the least of your problems right now, Yvonne. What you need to do is to ensure your daughter’s welfare. It’s about time Rohan knows about her.”
“I…”
“I know this is hard for you, but please… think about your daughter’s welfare first. Don’t be selfish, darling. You’ve hidden Gold from her father for five years.”
Now Yvonne was questioning whether she had made a bad decision five years ago.
“I don’t want to die, Mom… I don’t want to leave my daughter.” Yvonne cried like a child.
For the first time in her life, she felt lost, and there was no way for her to return home.
“Have faith, Yvonne….” Her mother patted her cheek. “This too shall pass.”
She hoped it would.