“W-what? C-Can you hear yourself, Auton?” It felt as if the world crumbled before me. All I know for that very moment is that I lost him. Was it that easy?
To enter a relationship, to take a risk...to end everything. “I don’t understand everything, Auton! You completely ignored me the whole time! I was trying to reach out for you and now that I see you, you are breaking up with me?” I asked, tears pooled in my eyes as I continuously shook my head and stood a step back.
Auton, on the other hand, stood in front of me with nothing but firmness in his expression. It was as though he was sure that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that it would be the end of it.
“My decision is final, Tayla. I don’t want to be with you anymore, we are done,” it was the last thing he said before he entered the room where the woman was. I wanted to chase after him, I wanted to pull his arm and tell him he shouldn’t do this to me. That she shouldn’t be with another woman when he told me he loves me. That he couldn’t just turn away after he promised to me that he’ll never leave me.
But the excruciating pain, disappointment, and anger grew inside my heart and it formed more and more tears at the corners of my eyes. It fell one by one on my cheeks. It came like waterfalls, with my heavy breaths mimicking how I felt a continuous stabbing in my heart. My eyes roamed on the place.
Lots of people were glancing at me. Some are with indifferent gazes, probably because they don’t know me while others are staring at me with either pity or disgust in their eyes. Slowly, I walked out of that place.
I no longer care if the people would talk about me or if I would be the main topic of the gossip tomorrow and to the next days, as long as I can go back to my unit and cry my heart out. The next morning, although I didn't dare to go out due to the heaviness in my heart, I still chose to go to school in hopes that I would see him again, and I did...only with the same woman in his arms.
I wanted to talk to him, but every time I tried I would always end up turning my back while trying to hold on to my tears because seeing him with another woman hurts me so much. It went on for days, and the whole week, I’ve been nothing but a walking corpse.
I just want to talk to him...clear things...ask him what wrong I do and beg him to hear my explanations even when I don’t know why I should. How will I know? When all he did was ignore me and treat me as nothing but air.
“Auton,” I called when I saw him walking alone to the criminology building. It was the first time I saw him without his new girl, and probably the last chance I would have if I don’t succeed in talking to him.
“Auton!” I called again, this time, pulling his arm to make him face me.
“How many times should I tell you that I don’t want you to talk to me anymore, Tayla? I don’t need you! I no longer want to see you!”
I was not even ready. I wasn’t able to brace myself for the things he’ll say but why...did he immediately say those things without listening to me?”
“I already told you that we are done! I’m happy now!” his eyes become bloodshot. It was as if with that short time, I already made him as furious as this. His breathings were fast, and his amethyst orbs were almost unrecognizable because he never spoke to me like that, nor stared at me like what he did right now.
“What about me, Auton?” I asked, a tear once again fell at my eye which I immediately wiped away. “Have you ever thought about what I am feeling, huh?” I asked, my eyes narrowed as I tried to stop my tears from falling.
“I asked you last time about the reason behind this break-up! Why did you leave me, why did you humiliate me in front of all people...why did you replace me just like that! I had been thinking about all those things but you never told me even a word! You never explained everything to me!” I yelled, the tears I am trying hard to stop from falling fell down as I stood in front of him.
“How do you expect me to move on and stop when I don't know anything, huh?” I asked. I wanted to just stop thinking about it, but no matter how I try, at the end of the day, before I close my eyes to sleep, the reason for his weird acts bugged me. His harsh words kept on playing in my mind, and it caused sleepless nights for me.
“Are you expecting me to explain myself to you?” He furrowed his brows. An unknown expression plastered on his face like he was confident about something. He came towards me, closing the gap between us as his sharp eyes stared at me as though they badly wanted to throw daggers.
“You know it yourself...Tayla. You know it better than anyone and I shouldn’t explain it to you anymore,” he said. Slowly, a small, wicked smirk grew on his face as his eyes scanned me.
“Auton I really don’t understand anything! If you would keep on insisting that I know it then you would only leave me hanging! I don’t know anything!” I yelled, getting more frustrated just by thinking what horrible thing I did when I couldn’t remember.
If ever I did something, I would surely know. I would know, and I would be guilty but right now...I was just frustrated. I was desperate.
Auton let out a burst of hysterical laughter and put his hands at his waist before he glided his tongue at his lips. “Don’t pretend like you are a good girl...Tayla.”
“That night, I saw you. I saw you cheating with my two eyes widely opened.”