Sixty six
What had I used the rest of my parole days to do again?
With Jade's help, we'd constructed a blog for the protest at hand. Slowly, she'd become a significant part of the team, with an outspokenness and wit that got people listening even against their will. With that, I'd made a mental note to make her lead the movement.
"You know, we'd all missed you. Myself especially," she said, her mood blossoming with radiation as always. Right by my side, we'd both watched the activities boil in the heart of the gym. "How do you feel about this protest anyway? Nervous, positive?"
"Undeserving," I stated with utmost honesty without taking my stare away from what I'd been looking at.
Her abrupt silence showed genuine surprise; and for the very first time, she was doing the listening.
"I don't know," I explained. "I don't just believe I deserve all the love, the mercy or even freedom as a whole. Like, all I did still hurt when I think about it too much… to the point I once wanted to kill myself. And now, all this sudden talk about my freedom is tempting yet making me feel as though I'm escaping punishment I truly deserve."
"I believe that's what guilt does to a person," she said. "Look, Jeffery, the main points of getting forgiven is punishment and repentance. Your change of heart seems obvious by now. Now, if we're being realistic here about punishment, no length of time you spend in jail will match up to the lives lost, whether or not you live the life sentence. What guilt does to a person is lower your self esteem and give you suicidal thoughts that breed self hate. So…in my advice, let the people hear your voice and make the choice on whether or not you deserve a second chance, okay?"
I swallowed the pain in my throat and nodded, squinting when it felt like tears would blind me.
"Come here," I heard her say. "You need a hug."
The words made me stiffen out of pure shock. It was her maddening audacity for me. Asides Simon and Noah, who else dared put arms around me. It was an act of pity if you asked me; one that made me appear weak and feeble. And yet, here was witty, young Jade asking _offering_ one.
However, when I glanced down at her, she had her arms spread wide and an infectious smile slain across her doll like face. A perfect contrast of pearl teeth and olive coloured skin.
"You're not much of a hugger, are you," her tone feigned offence.
With a laugh, I drew her in and let myself settle in the comfort the embrace brought with it. Let the devil care about the shocked eyes that glanced our way. And she'd been right, it did make me feel better.
***
I'd almost wanted to skip that part of the story for obvious reasons. The look on their faces spoke of amusement and something more awkward than that, especially Noah, of course.
Jade, on the other hand, was grinning perfectly like the situation was completely normal. Well, shrugging, I opened my mouth to speak up when the expected statements came pouring in.
"I did not see that one coming," Simon teased, sending a villainy smirk he frequently used when he wanted to strike my nerves. And it was working.
"Neither did I," my brother pitched in with a wide smile.
The exchange of words between them continued; and all I did was gawk silently.
"I'm getting really uncomfortable," I confessed, trying my best to hide the flush all over my face. "Can we head back to the story now?"
They'd both apologized in the midst of their laughter, abruptly pretending to pay attention to me for now on. Anyways, I'd bitten down a smile and lowered my gaze to my fingers.
"The rest of the days were fun and crucial for me; and soon, I was getting ready to return to jail and its lonely misery." I paused to straighten my spine and heave a sigh. "Either way, a huge protest was coming that was going to decide where I spent the rest of my days."
***
I could pretty much relate this to my very first day in jail. Just like then, I had guards escorting me onwards, my orange shirt flung carelessly over my shoulder and the same long walk past other prison cells.
However, unlike the glares and snarls I'd received that first day, today's was more welcoming and amusing.
"Welcome back to hell, kiddo," the words flew from cell number 127; an Irish dude with an accent slain into his speech. There was more…
" Jeffery! Breakfast was lame without you!" I wasn't sure who'd said that, but it was from cell 130.
"I heard you tried to kill yourself…"
"Tell me how the air beyond here smells now…"
And of course, some crazier or more hilarious comments that only helped widen the smile on my face.
The building was practically filled with murmurs here and there as I made it up each floor. Shocked ones, grateful ones and mockingly hilarious ones. All I did was send a grateful nod to each corner the comments flew from.
When I'd passed the room in which I'd previously shared with Alan, he was there with his eyes looking out, almost like he'd been in that position for a while now since he heard of my approach.
And now, having confirmed I was truly back and in one piece, his solemn eyes met mine as I walked past. Despite our previously not-so-friendly relationship, I made sure to send a nod of appreciation, thanking him for saving my life. To that, he'd returned the gesture. The main reason we'd saved the protest for a later date was Dylan Joe, aka, my father.
Bonding with him was the main reason I decided to get back here; and somehow, I think I was going to need Alan for that.
Skipping to the best part, I was finally back in the confined space of my room with Alf. Upon my arrival, he'd peeled his eyes open, cracked a toothless smile and tipped his head invitingly. "Welcome back, Jeffery."
"You say it as though prison is home," I feigned offence, practically rolling my eyes and sitting next to him on the lower bed. "Doctor said I lack blood sugar."
His eyes had already drawn shut by now. "Drink soda, my friend, drink soda."
With a slow smile, I watched him, amused at how silly both our minds worked. How he landed in jail as a criminal still baffled me. Anyways, slipping out Joey's book, I decided to pass my time learning more virtues.
It was a new day tomorrow, and I was going to make the best of it.