I left the window side and walked back to my bed, feeling like it was the only thing I could do. I felt weak to my toes, and I wondered how Luke would be feeling too. He was shut off by me, and then bashed by my friend, he has the wake of his father to think about...
I sighed and reached for my phone. There was no message and it made me sigh again. Maybe I should call him, but I wasn't even sure I knew what to say.
Hey, sorry about my friend, but she doesn't know what's between us.
I swallowed. Between us?
I lowered my head and dropped my phone when it started to ring again. I immediately picked it up, and then pressed it to my ear, my heart beat accelerating rapidly.
"Karla? Is that you?"
I swallowed, the sound of his voice filling my ears. I nodded. "Yes."
He went silent for a while. "Did you miss the sunset?"
I closed my eyes. "Yes."
Another silence. 
"Luke, I..."
"Is something wrong with me? Something you are not telling me?"
"Why?" I asked, my lips parting.
"I just...after the phone call with your friend...I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't fully understand her, but...maybe I got a few and it's been stuck on my mind." I could hear his light hesitation through the static, and I swallowed. 
"It's not you. It's me."
"That's what everyone says when they are about to break you. Or deny you their presence knowing fully well that they are all you want."
I swallowed. "Luke?"
He didn't reply, but I could still hear his subtle breaths.
"Don't mind me." he said after a while. "I will check on you tomorrow if that's fine with you."
I lowered my head. He never added the last phrase, because for some reason, we never really felt like strangers. We always felt like people who have known each other for a long time...and this...
"Luke?"
"Yeah?" His voice was low and I swallowed.
"It really isn't you. I am being honest."
"Then.. Why did you say that I am someone you can't have? Is it...are you not sure of what I want?"
I swallowed, but said nothing.
I could hear his sigh. "Karla...I will wait on you. You will always know where to find me and I will never leave those places. If you feel...conflicted, confused, I really don't mind. I will wait till you can untangle the knots...just help me stay by you. Please. Help me be beside you."
Tears were running down my cheeks steadily, and it didn't matter how many times I blinked, they just wouldn't go back. Just like the feelings I had nurtured for Luke.
"Okay," I said, nodding. "Okay, Luke."
Silence fell between us again, snd we both stayed on the phone, just hearing the other breathe.
"I will let you rest now." He said after some time, and I nodded.
"You too."
He said nothing, and cut the call after a few seconds. I kept the phone next to me, my chest filled to the brim, yet unable to voice any of it. 
I stood up and looked around for Bernice, but she wasn't there anymore. Probably off to where her past self should be.
I sighed again, and made my way back to my bed. My eyes stayed open as I stared at the bedside lamp. What was I doing? Why was I allowing myself be hurt by a love that I haven't even confessed?
I forced myself to go to sleep, hoping along with my consciousness, the sleep will at least, temporarily take all of these away too.
Friday came, and I was in a trance throughout. Luke called, but I didn't pick it up, for the lack of things to say to him. I was scared I would jeopardize us once again. It was afterall, my specialty. 
He called towards the evening again, and I still couldn't bring myself to pick. It haunted ne to think of how he could be feeling, how his eyes would be right now, how sad he felt.
I sat on the floor, my knees drawn to myself, my hair in a mess. It felt like everything I was doing was still going to end in futility. Avoiding him would only hurt him and fostering this...fostering these feelings...it would hurt even more.
A knock suddenly came on the door and I weakly stood to go to the door. I didn't check who it was and opened it up. Luke suddenly came in, holding my hand and cupping one cheek in his hand. 
My lips parted slightly as I instinctively held on to his arms, our faces close. I could feel his breaths on my cheek, and I was sure he could hear my rapid heartbeat.
We stayed there for a while, his eyes closed as he slowly caressed my face, letting his fingers touch my hair as he did, his other hand going to hold my back.
I found myself breathless, my body responding to him in ways I could have stopped if I could. But I couldn't. My body did nothing wrong. It was just going where my heart had already gone.
"Why?" he asked, his voice causing my heart to break even more. The tips of our noses were touching ever so slightly, and when he spoke, I could feel his words much more than I could hear them.
I closed my eyes too, willing myself not to cry. What would I tell him I was crying about?
"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked again, and this time he opened his eyes briefly, just as I did. Our eyes met and the turbulence in his weakened my knees.
"I was...I wasn't trying to avoid you." 
He nodded. "Should I take that as the truth because it's coming from you, Karla?"
"No. Take it as the truth."
He looked up to me again, his lashes brushing mine. "Is there something you are not telling me? Is there something...that I should know? Was it that kiss from the car?"
I closed my eyes, tears now flowing freely.
"Should I not have? Was I too impulsive? Please tell me."
I swallowed. "No. The problem is me. I want...more. Maybe a little too much. I have gotten a little too greedy and..." I swallowed.
"More?" he asked, meeting my eyes again. "More than I can ever be? More than I am?"
I swallowed and said nothing. I couldn't bring myself to give him the answer he wanted and I would never forgive myself if I gave him the other answer.
He looked at me, his eyes sweeping over mine, and I could see him drawing his conclusions.
Slowly, he let go of my face, then my waist and he took a step back.
He looked at me, his lips sucked in, his chest rising and falling with the rhythm of his breaths and slowly, without another word, he turned and left, closing the door gently behind him.