Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, I suddenly opened my eyes and sat up. My heart is full of hatred and fear, I am afraid that I will have to be in that situation again, I am afraid I will not be able to overcome it, suddenly his face is right in front of my eyes. I panicked
“Why are you here?”
“Why am I not here? That's the question I should ask you, why did you know my house and come here in the middle of the night drinking?"
"Who said your house, this is my house," said, then I looked around the room, a bit strange, different from my house. I tried to remember what happened last night, but the worst pain in my mind couldn't remember.
"Your house is it my house, the house is in the name of my parents who were in Vietnam before" he suddenly hesitated
Luc Duong's eyes showed a look of expectation but still showed a trace of shock, his face showed surprise. The four eyes looked at each other, my heart rippled with a light wave, a joy hidden behind a normal face. quiet
"Are you Chan Phong?"
" It's me"
Time seemed to stop at this moment, maybe God arranged everything, let me stick with him, and then stay away from pain. I'm as happy as not, the mood is angered, and shocked, in the end, something is going to happen again, in the end, where do I have to go to get out of this mess of complicated emotions. As for Duong, deep in those black eyes flashed a smile but was quickly covered by a cold face. As for me, my heart re-emerged with hatred and loneliness for many years. I hate him. Why him, right now, this moment.
"Um, I'm going home"
"I'm sorry" - Duong's low voice, full of confusion.
I froze, pretended not to hear, and walked home. Not walking but running, I tried to run as fast as possible home, closed the door, and collapsed. 'Why did it come back, why him'. The intertwined love and hate made my heart even drier. But remembering the pain of 7 years ago, I can't forgive, obviously, I don't matter, obviously "it" left me in my most difficult time, "it" doesn't deserve me. forgive. In my head, everything was so messed up, that I couldn't figure out what I wanted.
The morning of the homeland is so peaceful, Da Lat is engulfed in mist, the sun is shining in the dawn, melting the glittering dew drops in the sky, breaking into the flowers that are competing for color everywhere, I step by step slowly throughout the flower garden behind the house, all of which have withered for a long time, but only the small chrysanthemum garden is still gorgeous in the middle of the dead garden, it just keeps blooming like an angel in the underworld. Running back, I reached out and touched the small flowers lightly, a feeling of comfort, lightness indescribable, maybe this is the only place that makes me feel warm about why everything has happened.
When I was 12 years old, people were still immersed in my parents' arms, in the small happiness of the family, I was 12 years old when I discovered the breakup of my family, leaving my parents' arms to give them freedom. . The day I saw me off to the city to study, was the most painful day of my life but also the most relieved day of their lives. My parents have finished playing my role, I am playing the role of a filial son.
At 12 years old, people are having fun with their closest friends, experiencing a true childhood, with me and with friends. When I was 12 years old, I had to leave my best friend who tried to stick with me the most, "it" left me to go to a faraway place without saying goodbye, also ending my friendship and first love here.
At the age of 14, I have a new family, where they love and care for me like their own child. An older brother came into my life so gently, using his love gradually erased the broken wounds in my heart, he was my family, my friend, and also became "it". You replace every wound that everyone has caused me, You are my whole life. And then he was the next person to leave me, leaving me alone in this arduous life.
At the age of 18, I began to accept the painful reality, trying to follow the trajectory that happens every day when no one is around, both Anh and It once again appear in this life, and I can only choose one of the two. Life is always about choices we don't even know about. What I choose does not come, what I do not choose is always next to me.
2 boys appeared in my life, why do they keep leaving me, suddenly I remember him 'how is his illness?' My heart was filled with anxiety because I discovered that the reason why the two of them left me was that God had mindlessly taken away their health, which I myself could not prevent. Suddenly waking up after endless thoughts, I rushed to his house, but only in front of the gate, I faltered and returned.
"Are you coming to find me?" Phong's voice behind him called out, I don't know why when I turned my back, he turned to open the door.
“Um”
"Go home". More or less, the two of us looked at each other for a few seconds, a space of awkwardness enveloped us. I dodged Duong who was standing at the door and quietly entered.
Today I see more clearly, that everything in the house is still the same, just like the years we were together. Feeling familiar suddenly rushed back, I just naturally walked around the house, ignoring the bewildered eyes of the host, went to his room, I opened the door and walked in, right in front of my eyes was the picture above. wall. A little girl and a boy are playing together under a shady tree. It was a picture that I drew for him when we were in grade 1, an ugly picture with scribbled lines, but surrounded by a frame with beautiful and solemn sculptures, it was inappropriate, but a small joy appeared in my heart. It is a beautiful memory in my heart and it.
"Do you still have it?"
"Yeah, it's been a while, so the cleaners usually come and clean it, so it still looks very new"
“Um, sure” maybe it's nothing special to him because he's been gone for so long, how can he keep the painting so well, my heart sank but I know, maybe just a memory I keep it myself.
"I'm back", "why did you come back, why you? Why did you leave that day without telling me a word?' A lot of questions kept popping up in my head but I didn't dare open my mouth to ask him any questions, I tried to walk quickly, calmly, and restrained. sadness is rising.