Chapter 10 Another World
Kaien helped Allen to walk again the next morning and they walked in silence. After so many events occurred yesterday, neither of them knew what to say.
"Did you sleep well?" asked Kaien, breaking the silence.
"N-no. Not really," stuttered Allen, trying to focus on his steps. His ankle still hurt from yesterday’s fall. In fact, it was more painful than yesterday.
The walk went silent again. 'Are we walking too slow or is the road too long,' wondered Allen. Perhaps his mind was playing a trick on him. Or maybe Kaien was playing him and trying to get him to get lost deeper in the forest. The last thought was shaking his heart a bit.
"Here we are!" shouted Kaien, excited. He looked at Allen excitedly but Allen did not look amused. "We have arrived!" Kaien announced again.
Allen looked around, confused. Everything was the same as before. They were still in the same forest and nothing looked different than where they were a few hours ago or yesterday.
"Look on your left," said Kaien, but Allen looked at Kaien, instead.
With a smile, Kaien pointed out his finger to Allen's cheek and softly pushed Allen's face to the left. Allen looked at the big tall tree on his left and wondered what exactly he should see. "Look down," said Kaien and Allen did as he was told.
"Oh!" Allen was surprised. "It really exists!" He immediately let go of Kaien's hand and knelt down. In front of him was the reason why he went into the forest, why he was here, the source of all his trouble, the funnel-shaped cap mushrooms with red pigments on top of their caps. The mushrooms he was looking for - the Devil's tooth.
"The mushrooms really exist! I knew it was real! Hehe." He touched the red pigment on top of the mushroom softly, “Just like I imagined it. It really looks like red jelly.”
"Of course it's real," commented Kaien. He watched Allen touching and trying to smell the mushrooms. "You are not gonna take it?" Allen smiled and shook his head without looking at Kaien. "Why not? You come all the way here looking for them."
"Hmm..." responded Allen, still smiling. Slowly, he sat carefully next to the mushrooms, exhausted but excited. He looked at Kaien. "Knowing that they are real is already enough for me." Kaien smiled back and mouthed 'ok' at him.
“So, what's your plan now?” asked Kaien. He brought Allen here and Allen had found the mushrooms he was looking for. What were they going to do next?
“My plan?” Allen paused, thinking. “My plan. . . My plan is to follow your plan.” Not like he knew the way back home or any way in the forest. Anything he did or would like to do, he would have to depend on Kaien. He was not in a condition to be on his own.
“Ok. . .” Kaien mumbled. The thought trundled through his brain like a train, with no intention of stopping. He looked around, trying to find a clue about what to do. “Since we came all the way here, wanna go further to an interesting place?” He asked with a smirk and a flash of excitement in his eyes.
“Anywhere you want,” answered Allen, simple. He could care less now about what Kaien would like to do or where he would like to go.
“Great!” Kaien almost shouted. “First, let's take a break. You look so pale.”
Pale? More like dying. The pain that once burned like fire on Allen’s ankle had slowly faded away to an icy numbness. His breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. He knew he did not have much time left in this world. Both of them knew.
After a long silence, Kaien tried to gain Allen’s attention to himself again. “Tell me about that person.”
“That person? Who?” questioned Allen, confused.
“That person who you keep calling in your dream.” Kaien looked at Allen, waiting for his answer. “You keep saying his name in your mind.”
“Oh. . . Kai?” murmured Allen. Kaien nodded even though Allen was not looking at him. “He's my childhood friend.”
“Pfu. Childhood friend,” smirked Kaien. “Your first love?”
“Haha. . .” laughed Allen shortly. There was a hint of sadness in his laugh. “I don't know if I could say that. We were just eight years old at that time.”
“What happened?” Kaien asked.
“He's gone. One day, he suddenly disappeared,” said Allen, trying not to shed a tear. “We were supposed to meet and play on that day, but he didn't come. I waited and waited and waited, but he didn’t come. He wasn't home either. He couldn’t be found anywhere. No one knew where he went or what happened to him. No news. Nothing.”
Kaien crossed his arms and watched Allen in silence. After a long pause, Allen said, “I thought I already forgot about him, but suddenly all the memories are coming back. Yet, he never does…”
“And you are blaming yourself,” added Kaien.
“. . .Yes. I do. . .” whispered Allen, his head slumped into his hand. “I forced him to go out and play with me that day. If I didn't, he might still be here.”
“Well, your last goodbye has never been said,” Kaien smiled and Allen nodded his head. “And you are grieving.” Allen nodded his head again.
“So stupid.”
Two words. Two words said coolly, calmly and coldly.
All of sudden Allen felt so sad and tired. Like Kaien’s words had drained everything he had, everything that he still had. No words came out of his mouth, no tears came out of his eyes, and no movement came from his body. He was tired. Very very tired. He could not care enough, give enough or want enough. Like he was on the brink of breaking apart.
“So stupid,” Kaien repeated.
Allen could hear his heart cracking. It was the cry of his heart, the grief he had towards his childhood friend, the blame towards himself and the thought that his heart could never be healed. And Kaien did not understand it. "That's what humans do. Well, at least you remember that. Most people don't remember much about their childhood. You know, at some point in your childhood, you and your friends went outside to play together for the last time and none of you knew it. Be grateful you remember it even if it's a painful one."
Allen did not say a word. He just looked down, hiding his face from Kaien. Kaien scratched his head and let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t understand you,” he said again, but Allen was not paying attention to him. “I don’t understand why are you so sad, grieving and blaming yourself for someone who’s possibly still alive? You are destroying yourself for nothing.”
Allen snapped. “Hurm? Kai is still alive?”
Kaien sighed. “I said POSSIBLY.” Allen looked at Kaien with a spark of hope in his eyes. Hoping that Kaien would tell him that his friend was still alive. Hoping to see his friend once again. Hoping to hope for something again. And Kaien knew he had sparked a fire that he should not have.

He looked away and sighed again. “You said he is gone. No body or no trace of him. So, he could be alive somewhere”. Kaien continued, “And it’s been a long time. If he walked next to you or if he was in front of you now, you wouldn't know. You don't even remember his full name, aren't you?”
Kaien was right. Allen did not remember his friend's full name. 'Kai' was all he knew and remembered. He was dumbfounded at Kaien's words. Many things came into his mind now and he looked at Kaien with mouth open. “If he is still alive, he will come back home,” said Allen. “Why didn’t he go back home if he is still alive?”
“Maybe something happened and he lost his memories?” reasoned Kaien. “Or…” He grinned. “He got lost somewhere and couldn’t find a way out.”
“What do you mean?” Allen asked.
Kaien smiled and looked away so that Allen could not see his face. “Or maybe he is in another world.”
“Oh,” responded Allen, sad. Just when he had put his hope high, Kaien crashed it to the ground into a million pieces. After spending so much time with Kaien, Allen should be fully aware of how playful and cruel Kaien could be. He looked down, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Interesting way to say he is dead.”
“I didn’t say he is dead,” Kaien said in a singsong voice. Allen looked up at Kaien. As he blinked, the tears dripped from his eyelids and slid down his cheeks. He quickly wiped the tears before they flowed like a river. He really was not in a good mood to play guess games with Kaien. But Kaien was not a straightforward person. Allen would not get anything unless he played along.
“Then what do you mean? Another world could only mean he is dead. The world of the dead…”
“The world of the dead. Interesting,” Kaien smirked. “What makes you think there’s a world of the dead?” Without waiting for an answer from Allen, Kaien answered his own question. “OH! Because the world you are living in now is the living world. So, the one the dead ‘live’ in is the world of the dead.”
Allen shrugged his shoulders and Kaien laughed out loud. “HAHAHA!”
The laugh that came from Kaien was like a newly sprung leak. Timid at first, stopping and starting. The way he rolled his hazel eyes to the sky and half bit his lip showing that he was not done at any moment. From deep inside his chest came a great shaking motion and his face muscles grew tight.
Allen folded his arms, pouting, eyebrows arched, and waiting.
“Simple minded. Haha!” said Kaien, still laughing. “Haha! D-do you know how many planets there are in this universe?”
‘Duh! Why do planets have something to do with the dead or missing people?’ thought Allen, but he decided to say differently. “Nine?”
“HAHA! That’s what you know. HAHAHA!” Kaien's laughter erupted again, echoing through the forest as he bent over, slapping his knee repeatedly. It was a cruel mocking laugh. “There are many planets in this universe that you still don’t know. If you could accept the fact that there are many planets in this universe, I expect you could accept the fact there are many worlds too.”
“Like the world where you come from?” asked Allen.
Kaien slowly stopped laughing. Still bent over. It was Allen’s time to smirk.
“Fantastic”, Kaien glanced up. He stood straight, folded his arms and gave Allen a meaningful smile. “So, you know. Or should I say, you remembered.”
“About what?” retorted Allen.
“Heh!” scoffed Kaien. “How long do you plan to continue acting like you don't know anything? Pretend like you are dumb?”
Allen glanced upward, his mouth pursed but slightly open and loose. His eyes were fixed as if he's looking at something a yard behind Kaien's head. He blinked, refocused and said “I don't get it.”
“You listened, observed and reflected,” said Kaien, turning around and walking back and forth. “The most dangerous person is the one who listens, thinks and observes. You know the answers to all your questions… You asked not because you want to know, you asked because you want to make sure.” Kaien explained, and a silence fell between them. “So,” Kaien’s voice sounded business-like, “Did you get your memories back?”
Allen closed his eyes, took a deep breath and nodded.
Kaien stopped walking, leaning closer to Allen, looking as curious as hell. “Since when?”
“Since we met, I guess,” Allen quickly replied without opening his eyes. He went quiet for a moment. “Maybe when I fall.”
Allen opened his eyes and smiled at Kaien who was staring at him. “Good to see you again, Kaien.” Kaien smiled back, but immediately looked sad when Allen asked, “How did you know it’s me? Do I still look the same?”
“Of course I know, Allen.” Kaien took a quick glance around them like he was making sure no one was there, eavesdropping on them. He took a deep breath and looked down. “You don’t remember everything, don’t you?”
There was a moment of silence before Allen could find the words to answer Kaien’s question. “Yes, not everything. I’m sorry.”
Kaien nodded as he knew it well. “What do you remember?”
“We are. . .” Allen caught his breath. “W-we are not from this world.” Kaien raised his eyebrow and nodded a few times, showing that he agreed and as a sign for Allen to continue. “We are here. . . because we have been punished. . . For. . .” Allen paused, searching for something in his memories like searching for something in a book. “F-for. . . for something. . . I don’t remember.”
‘. . . For falling in love,’ added Kaien in the back of his mind.
“But I do remember,” Allen was excited. “I remember the first time we met in the forest. Like this one.”
“It was nothing like this one,” Kaien scoffed. He, too, remembered clearly the first time he met Allen. In another forest, another time, another world. ‘It was the forest between Heaven and Hell. The Forbidden Forest.’
“I thought an Angel of Death isn't supposed to show themselves to a human,” teased Allen, trying to brighten up the mood but Kaien was not buying it.
“I’m not an Angel.” Kaien let out a small laugh and said, “And you are not a human. Not exactly a human.”
“That’s what I am now, Kaien. A mere human,” whispered Allen, sadly. “That’s my punishment. Banished from Heaven, stripped of all memories and born as a human. For something, I don’t remember. Haha.” Allen laughed awkwardly with a smile still on his face. “At least you still know who you are. Angel of Death.”
“I’m not an Angel,” Kaien repeated with a heavy sigh. “Just ‘Death’. I have many names. You can call me Grim Reaper too if you like.” Kaien looked at Allen, waiting for him to respond. Kaien guessed there were lots that needed to be filled in Allen’s memories. Part of him felt sad that Allen did not remember everything, but another part of him felt happy that Allen did not. Especially the memory that could cause him pain.
“I prefer ‘Kaien’,” said Allen and Kaien smiled.
“My mind is really a mess now, Kaien,” sighed Allen. A mess. Something was bothering him when he saw Kaien’s smile. Something was hurting him. Something ached inside him. Something felt so wrong, so invalid but Allen could not tell what. He tried to pinpoint the cause for this unexplained pain but failed. He tried to reason this unbearable burning but did not find any. Everything felt so confused, just like a jumbled set of a puzzle. A puzzle that Allen did not know how to solve.
“Hey, hey, look at me,” Kaien sat in front of Allen, closer than before and held his hand softly. His touch was soft, his voice was soft, and his look was soft. Soft and gentle. Allen slowly opened his eyes and looked Kaien in the eyes. Kaien’s doe-eyes shone like two distant stars. So close, yet so far away from Allen’s reach. The black crown of hair adorned his face looked burdened. Allen wondering what Kaien was hiding that burdened him so much?
“Try to relax a bit,” soothed Kaien. “You memories from our world are coming back to you now and it collides with your memories in this world. It’s going to cause you great pain.” Kaien gently rubbed Allen’s hand, eyes still locked on Allen’s eyes. “Don’t push yourself, ok?”
Allen flashed a smile and nodded a few times. “I think I need to take a nap.”
“No…” Kaien whispered, holding Allen’s cold hands in his. Pain and sorrow glinted in his eyes as he took a deep breath, trying to regain composure. “Don’t sleep.”
“Just a few minutes. Maybe after that, I will feel better and remember everything.”
“No,” Kaien repeated. His voice was firm and serious. “If you do that, you’ll never wake up.”
Allen became as white as chalk upon hearing Kaien’s words. His eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise. Words had left him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to clear his mind from all memory that came back to him.
He just shook his head silently. “That’s how my story ends? I’m going to die here?” Kaien didn’t respond. He just sat there and stared at Allen in silence. “Well, it’s not a bad idea if you are my Angel of Death, Kaien.”
“Maybe yes. . .” Kaien muttered, trying to smile without looking pained. Saying too much was never a good idea. Admittedly, hiding them all was not any better of a plan. Right in the middle was where he had always been. “Maybe not.”

“Huh,” Allen responded, staring at Kaien.
“Listen,” Kaien said, sounding a bit down. “If you die here. . .” Kaien bit his lip as the words came out, as though they had escaped his mouth before he could catch them. Allen’s eyes narrowed and Kaien continued, avoiding Allen’s stare. “If you die here, you will never go back to Heaven.”
“Kaien. You are always so sweet, you know. You speak the words that drip with honey, but your intention is as cold as winter,” Allen snorted with a small laugh. “Should just say I’m going to hell.” Kaien nodded and Allen continued with his small laugh. “Hehe. I could see your place. Not bad.”
“It’s not as simple as that.” Kaien looked almost panicked and realized he had been close to yelling. “Do you know what happened to the Angel from Heaven that had been sent to Hell?”
“Huh,” Allen shrugged. “No idea.”
“That’s right. You have no idea. Haha!” Kaien laughed like a little part of him from Hell managed to slide out. “You have no idea how much all the creatures in Hell would enjoy it and even the Prince of Hell cannot save you. YOU. DON’T. WANT. TO. GO. THERE.”
Allen looked at Kaien dumbfounded. If Kaien was trying to scare him, it did work. His heart was shaken and many bad thoughts came running through his mind. “What did I do that was so bad?”
“It’s not you,” Kaien whispered. His soft side took over him again. “It’s me.” Allen did not respond and waited silently for Kaien to continue. “It’s me, Allen. Anyone that comes into this forest would die sooner or later. If they had given up on their life, they would be more easily attracted to this forest and no distance could stop them from coming here. And no matter how kind and good they were in the past, if they die in this forest, they will go to Hell.” Kaien took a deep breath and said, “It’s all because of me. I ‘suck’ the life out of them. That’s my punishment.”
“I’m. . . I’m sorry. That’s why. . .” Allen stuttered. “That’s why you are in the cave? Hiding yourself?”
“Yeah, it’s not just humans. Animals and trees also would die,” said Kaien. “I don’t want this forest to die just because I walk around it. So, I spend most of my time in the cave. But, well, sometimes a human did fall into the cave like you did. Hehe.”
Allen cracked a smile and said, “So, you are lying about looking for a book.”
“I tell no lies. Not everyone was lucky to be alive when they fell. Only you did,” Kaien forced a smile. “In this forest, people die before I could reach them and only leave the Book of Life for me to read. That’s how I know their story – how they live their life, why they come here and how they die. But unlike other Angel of Death, there was nothing I could do. They will go to Hell no matter what. I was looking for your book when I realized you aren’t dead yet. I want you to get out of here while you still can and turning myself into a human could drain your life less faster than it should be. But I can’t stay in this form any longer, Allen.”
“I’m sorry,” Allen whispered. Kaien had tried to help him as much as he could and yet, he was suspecting Kaien had a bad intention before he fully remembered who he was. How wrong Allen was. “I’m sorry. You tried to warn me and help me get out of this forest. . .”
“Yeah, it didn’t work.” Kaien sighed before the silence took place and stretched too far. “In the end, it’s your choice…”
“You know I always make bad choices,” Allen said.
Kaien gave him a small smile and said, “I know. I remember that very well.” He remembers all the time he spent together with Allen. ‘I made a bad choice too,’ mumbled Kaien in his mind. ‘That’s why we are here.’

“What choice do I have? Look at me” asked Allen. “You still think I could make it out alive? Tell me.”
“I can’t tell you what to do. But I could help you figure it out. Hmm. Let me think what option do you have,” replied Kaien, closing his eyes. A moment later, with eyes still closed, he said, “First, you are going to stay here and die slowly. And go to Hell.”
Allen pouted sadly and nodded. That option was just about to happen if he closed his eyes and slept. It was not a bad idea for him if Kaien did not mention Hell's part. He looked at Kaien who still had his eyes closed, waiting if he still had another option for him.
“Or. . .” Kaien paused. “. . . You would die in the forest, trying to find a way out.”
‘Die fighting,’ thought Allen. With his condition now, he was fully aware that he would not make it out alive. ‘Waiting here and accepting my fate with open arms or struggling for nothing in the forest? Which one is better?’ Thought Allen. 'But I still going to Hell.'
“Or. . .” Kaien said with an unclear undertone. Followed by a long silence.
Whatever Allen’s choice is, his story does not have a happy ending.