CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Living for Tomorrow
Many things came together to make me unhappy. I was into many thought. I wanted the best for us. As young as I was, I had many things to think about: Mother, our leaking roof, my younger ones, the farm and what to do to put food on our table. Before now, I used to think that transition to adulthood was a license to do anything, love anyone or anything and follow the ways of my heart. I used to think that life was easy and that success depended on how hard one worked. Adulthood also meant liberation from Mother’s beatings and restrictions. That was on a second thought. It also meant being able to have a girlfriend; which is the most exciting part, whether we understand it or not. I remember my first girlfriend Ada, though our relationship was brief, who brought bliss into my life. We were really young, too young to understand relationship. We were both minors, too young to provide for ourselves, yet we dream of getting together someday as husband and wife, leave home and give birth to our own children to the envy of our mates. We were only small children and our relationship was purely platonic, which was true in reality. We were shy yet we could look into each other’s faces because our minds were free. We do not know the secrets which time would unlock to us as soon as we need them. Sometimes we stood and asked ourselves few questions about the farm and our friends. That was all.
Ada was a beautiful girl and everyone loved her. Her beauty and eloquence was the envy of many boys of my age. She was always the center of our gossip in many gatherings. It was a privilege to have her, as I was always told. They teased me and exaggerated our affairs so much that I only smiled and walked away. Ada was like any other girl, the only difference being that she was more loose and therefore became a really ‘cheap’ girl. That was what I learnt shortly after. She was a girl and had the privilege to enjoy the first flush of adolescence before me. So during those hot periods of her life, I was avoiding her like leprosy. I chose not to sell my prestige because I knew I could not love a girl like that for long. She was not for me.
The last time her thought came into my mind was one afternoon on my way to the stream. She too was coming home from the stream. Immediately she saw me, she flashed a smile and her white teeth excited me greatly. She sized me up and seemed to be admiring my young body in the process. Of a truth, my young body was very tempting. Everything in me was pulling out from their hidings. The beards on my two legs and armpit, the fresh oil in my face, my bones which had developed over night and my hairy chest which was only sprouting and had formed a line from my waist to my heart, down to my belly. I was almost growing in each passing day and was every girl’s temptation. I greeted her and passed, as I could not understand why she looked at me the way she did. When I looked back, she was still standing looking at me. I fastened my feet heavily to the ground so as not to fall, until I was out of her sight. I knew why she was looking at me. Any second thought about her ruins me as a young boy. From that day, Ada did not cross my mind again. I got a big cross about her in my heart. I began hating her. Nothing about her made me feel henceforth. She ceased being part of my dreams.
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As a young boy, I had ambitions and dreams. I was full of passion which is normal for my stage in life. In addition, I was large-hearted and healthy. It was good to meet moments like this in life. It was a moment in one’s life when everything seems to be sweetest. I do not think of harm. I do not think of death. The following day after my encounter with Ada was a farm free day and I chose all day to stay home with my Mother and younger ones. The previous night, I had prayed for good spirit and never to blink eye with anyone. I needed peace of heart. Soon the dusk began to creep in but the sun daylight still kept day in view. Mother cooked our supper on time while I bathed my younger ones who had not taken their bath in the past two days. It was one of the many things I did always until she returned from wherever she went. My prayer was answered that day. It was one of the many days of my life that I lived without quarrelling with anyone.