Mother stood up, hugged me and took my hands sluggishly. I was dragging her against her will. She wept now openly and could not talk for a moment. The tears from her tormented cry fell on my body and she held me firmly. I was her consolation. It was warm and had an acidic smell. It was a well-agonized tear. She held me firmly and close to her body and her whole body shook as she cried.
“I am sorry mama. Let’s go in from here. It is cold outside.”
She held me by the hand more firmly as we entered the room. Her only pride was to watch us grow together, loving each other. She had made lots of sacrifices for us and had never ceased doing so as the years went by. If not because of us, she would have been married to one of her many suitors and find new joy in the hand of another man. But we would be affected badly. We would be left at the mercy of a man who would be a stepfather, or join our grandparents. Our compound would go in ruin and our house crumble. We would lose her completely to another family. That would be too bad.
Her reasons for allowing me to do harder task were simple and many and I was seeing them now. I was growing up every day. I had been a baby, a child, and would soon transit to adolescence, the turbulent years in a child’s life. I helped greatly in household work. I woke in the early morning call of the cock, swept our large compound and rooms, fetched water, rolled up the sleeping mats and washed our cloths before my younger ones wake up. All night, the urine of my younger ones soaked me and I wake up several times to clean myself. It would not have been that way; I was sharing the same room still with them. I would soon get mine; my own room and it would all end. I thought.
Gradually, she was exempting me from children’s work, kitchen activities and assigned them to my younger ones. They did more of the compound sweeping, washing of plates and fetching of water, while I went to the farm alone on market days to exclusively take care of the yams, split soft woods and mend our fallen fences. They were not perfectly done but I earned praises from Mother for doing them the best way I could.
I was growing and learning fast. I had to, since I had no father to teach me. Mother was amazed at my achievements and she praised me for it. “What would I have done without you my fine son,” she would tell me. Sometimes, she called me ‘My husband’.
I only smiled and worked harder. I knew her praises were sincerely from her heart. In those days, we quarreled a little and made up again. We quarreled not because I wanted to but because I was fighting for my right as a young person. Nothing seemed important to me anymore than to make everyone know that I was no longer a child. No one seemed important to me. I argue at everything and easily take offence in anything said against me. I would be right at everything and complain of being cheated. My younger ones who took pleasure sometimes in Mother beating me were not respectful as they should. Yet any attempt to beat them earned me beatings and harsh words. I decided I would draw a line over which they must not step and I intimated my Mother about it. It was one of the things she did, which I liked. She warned my younger ones to respect me as their elder.
A day rarely passed without Mother comparing me to the children of our neighbors. There was scarcely anything I did that earned me praise. Mother could be many things in one day. She could smile, shout, fight and be happy in a short time. I am not sure whether Mother was aware of the negative effect that her remarks had on me. I did not know exactly how I learnt to avoid erupting in anger. I always wanted to cool down and later talk to her about anything she said or did which I did not like.
Gradually, I convinced myself that I should start making decisions, but it was hard for me. I knew Mother would not accept any even if I did that to please her. I also realized that though I was perfectly young in age and character, I had begun to exhibit some features of manhood and my voice had begun to break, too. This happened within a nature-calculated space of time and Mother was taking note.