It had been a week since that night—a night that was still so clearly in Dewa’s memory. Viona’s gaze from the stage, the faint smile that greeted the crowd, and the candlelight above her head that formed an unforgettable silhouette. But since then, something had changed. Not in Viona, but in himself. 
Dewa tried to go back to living his days as usual with Hilda, but his mind couldn’t really turn away. And that day, when he accidentally passed the art practice room at school, his eyes caught a sight that made his blood rise a level hotter. 
Viona—standing so close to a senior man. Dewa knew him from a distance, the guy was named Sandi. Two years above them, quite popular, and... looked too comfortable around Viona. 
Dewa stood behind the wall, not intending to watch for too long, but his legs refused to move. He saw how Viona chuckled when Sandi pointed at something on his laptop—whether it was a piece of music or just a light joke. A smile that he hadn’t seen in a very long time. Now that smile was for someone else. 
“Who is he to Viona?” his mind began to urge. “Since when were they close? Why were they in the practice room?” Dewa clenched his jaw softly. His heart felt tight with thoughts that arose uncontrollably. He didn’t know that Sandi was Viona’s cousin, and that ignorance made his jealousy burn even more. To him, the man was more than just a practice partner. There was a closeness that felt… too intimate.
Is this why Viona seems calmer lately? Is that man a substitute for him—someone who was there when Dewa himself chose to stay away?
Dewa slowly retreated from behind the wall, not wanting to be seen. But he couldn’t hide his anger. It felt ridiculous, because technically, they were nothing now. But the heart never submits to logic.
He walked away with quick steps, his eyes darkened by a feeling he couldn’t fully understand—and only one question kept haunting him:
“Have I… really lost her?”
*****
The days after that night of celebration passed slowly for Dewa, but they were never truly calm. Every time he tried to talk to Hilda, there was a pause that couldn’t be bridged.
Dewa himself realized that Hilda was waiting for an explanation, but he also realized that he didn’t know what to say. How could he explain that his heart was in turmoil over a figure who had never really left his mind?
Dewa joined his friends sitting in one of the stalls in front of the school, his face flushed red and his breath hitching made all his friends wonder deeply through their glances. 
"Why do you look like you've been fighting with someone from the same neighborhood?" Andrew asked, representing his friends' curiosity. 
Dewa just sighed, trying to neutralize his already chaotic expression. He reached for the glass of iced tea in front of him, taking a deep sip as if it could calm the burning in his chest. But in reality, nothing changed. Viona and Sandi's faces were still dancing in his mind. 
"It's okay, just... tired," he answered briefly, trying to sound casual. 
Andrew narrowed his eyes, clearly not believing it. "Tired for what? You look like you've just seen your ex walking with a new crush, do you know that?" 
The others laughed softly, but Dewa just stared blankly at the road. 
“Dewa,” Genta, one of his close friends, sounded more serious, “what’s wrong with you lately? It’s not like you at all. Hilda often asks me if you’re okay.”
Hilda’s name was mentioned, and Dewa’s heart sank. Once again, the guilt appeared, colliding with the sense of loss that he had never acknowledged. He gripped the small spoon in his hand tightly, trying to hold back something that he had wanted to let out for a long time.
“There’s something… I’ve been thinking about,” he said finally. His voice was low. “About something—or… someone—that I might not be able to catch up with anymore.”
Andrew, Dicky, Ronal and Genta looked at each other.
“Viona, huh?” Andrew guessed.
Dewa looked up slowly. There was no answer, but the expression on his face was enough to explain.
Andrew whistled softly. “Crazy, man... If you can’t forget Viona, why did you just leave someone else’s child like that? Then why did you approach Hilda and that girl who broke up with Rudi so she could end up with you? You two are really compatible, huh?”
Dewa smiled wryly. “The problem isn’t forgetting, Drew. The problem is... I never really let her go.”
Genta leaned back, nodding slowly. “So now? What do you want?”
Dewa stared at the road in front of him, as if hoping the universe could give him an answer.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled, “but I think… For now I’ll try to fix my relationship with Hilda again, whether it can still be maintained or not. 
I’m just thinking, yeah…” Ronal opened his mouth, his face serious even though his tone remained relaxed. “If you really love Viona, why did you… back off? You even approached Hilda who at that time still had another boyfriend, and that girl could easily leave Rudi when she found out you were interested in him. No one can force you, the decision is still in your hands whether you want to continue with Hilda or try to chase Viona again.”
Dewa took a deep breath, realizing that whatever he chose, it would be a tough choice. But he also knew that continuing to hesitate like this would not lead to anything clear.
Turning his gaze to his friends, Dewa opened his mouth, “I know what I have to do. But I can’t make a decision now. I need time to think about everything. One thing is for sure, I don’t want to keep going through this without any clarity.”