Nadia's POV 
Vances hand was carelessly caressing my scalp. He was scattering the neat delicate curls I had made my hair into, I'm sure by now I'm all straightened out. 
Next, he began to rub my neck, especially the parts he just squeezed. It was still raw and I'm sure I'd have had bluish-purple spots there by now. He rubbed it lightly, pausing everyone I winced. Maybe he felt bad, maybe he didn't. That really doesn't matter much. He was just Landon. 
Apparently, men like those are all I'm destined to meet. There really is no running from it. I don't need a soothsayer to confirm they are my destiny.
It's really making me rethink being bound to any one of them. I'd just be setting myself up for a life of abuse. It's never ending. I've learned so much from Landon to think that there would ever be a change of heart with men like those. 
Flashbacks to the days when I really used to believe that once I was on my best behavior, Landon would keep his hands off me and love me better. Now I feel like an absolute fool, a complete idiot for ever thinking that. 
Because of a kid I'm going to have to carry with my own body, Vance nearly squeezed life out of me. Did he think that would make me eager to throw all my pills away and tear my legs open for his penetrations which my kitty had just begun to tolerate without feeling sore and swelling to twice the size? 
Deep down in me, I don't think Vance had been faithful throughout this time we've been married? But what was I expecting? I literally snatched him from the top of Talia. 
There were days when I just felt sick after having sex with him, or I'd feel very irritating burning sensations down there. And the beauty of it all? I dared not say a word! Nobody accuses an alpha of cheating. That's a death sentence. I see what Talia had to put up with. 
And it was worse for her, because Vance had me in their bed when I conceived my late baby. Initially, I felt bad. Not because I was sexing Vance-we've been at it for almost as long as he and Talia had been together, I'd worked through all those feelings-but because it was just so much spit in her face. Almost half of the pack knew about it and she had begun to lose their respect. 
I chuckle whenever I remember how Landon wanted to make a victim of me when he heard I was sleeping with Vance. What saved me was that I had just confirmed I was pregnant, and even though I had not yet told Vance, I made Landon believe I had, and he obviously dared not lift a hand against me. That was what bore all our other plans, that have so far, fallen through. I hate to think about how cunny and crafty he is. 
I also don't know why he's waiting. All this while that Vance has had me, I don't get what his patience is for. Or what other wicked plan he has cooking. Which is one of the biggest reasons why I'm scared. The last one he did, with my help of course, we took out Talia. If I slyed him, all I would have done would be giving him hints on how to take me out too. 
I've been thinking really hard of late. If I had a kid with Vance, and Landon became Alpha, what would he make of my child? It would hurt me to watch my kid grow up without his father but it would make me madder to see him kill both my child and his father. If I decide to ask him, he would think I was giving serious thought to it and weighing my chances, but that wasn't it. I'm just trying to be safe. 
That aside, he could always reject the former Alphas Luna and get some other one for himself, that would only make me a ugly tale, a bad legend. It really does suck either way, really. 
  “...I just found it a little cheesy that only he wasn't affected. And then he looked distant all the while we were talking about it, like he was thinking about something else. And then he took almost forever to get there, I don't know where ever the fuck he went. Or even what he thinks he's doing. Do you feel weird that I'm complaining about him to you?” I had been so busy in my head that Vance's voice had faded into just a soundtrack. I didn't realize he had been talking all the while, worse still, about Landon. 
  “No, no I don't. “ I said quickly, hoping not to give away the absence of my mind. “He could be like that at times.” I followed up immediately. 
  “Really?” He asked. I suddenly started feeling bad for myself that he was so conversational. “Like how?” 
That, I didn't have an answer to. I was merely backing him up, supporting him, doing what I was supposed to. Why these damn questions? 
  “Err, I mean, well, sometimes, he could be, quite a lot.” I managed to stutter. Thankfully, Vance took it that I was still shocked from what had happened. 
  “It's fine baby.” He rubbed my head and went right back to what he was saying. So much for caring about what I think. “I agree with you. Well except for that part, ‘a lot’, he can't be a lot for me.” He boasted. 
Maybe this was my messiah moment. Where I step in for Landon even though I'm not sure about how I feel about all these, and he's been a little prick himself. 
  “I think he's having it rough himself.” I started out carefully. “It might be unkind to him, and maybe a little presumptuous to assume that because he wasn't affected, he was in on it.” I saw his attention was not fully fixed on me. I had to make sense. The pressure was getting worse. “If you're to assume that, then we really could say those affected were fraternizing with other packs and they got what they deserved. It could work that way too. I mean, obviously, the loss of a child is not what anyone deserves,” I tried really hard to fake tears for that part, but it just made me choke on it, the effect I wanted wasn't lost still, “so let's look beyond our beta. He might be truly innocent.” I said finally. It was time for me to return those head cuddles and make sure what I said sunk in. 
 I saw him think about what I said for a while, gently swaying his feet in comprehension. “Or maybe you still have feelings for him?” 
What?!