(Iris's POV)
It’s been two days since my mom and sister came to stay with me. They told me to take care of myself, to eat, to rest. But I couldn't focus on anything. My mind kept drifting back to Eli. To his smile, his laugh, his eyes that always seemed to see right through me.
Every corner of this apartment feels empty now. Every part of me feels hollow. There’s a heaviness in my chest that refuses to go away.
I miss him so much.
There’s a constant ache in my heart, a pain that won’t subside. It’s like a part of me is gone, lost in the vast darkness that has taken over my world. I keep telling myself it’s not my fault, but the voice in my head keeps whispering otherwise.
Maybe if I had said something sooner. Maybe if I had been more honest with him about how I was feeling. Maybe if I hadn’t pushed him away in the moments when he needed me the most.
My mom and sister try to keep me distracted. They talk about anything and everything, but their words don’t reach me. They sit beside me, offering their support, but all I can think about is Eli. About how I failed him.
I curl up on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest. My sister, Liana, sits beside me, gently running her hand through my hair. I don't even look up.
"Iris," she says softly, her voice full of concern. "You have to stop blaming yourself. Eli loved you, and he knew how much you loved him."
"But I should’ve done more," I whisper, my voice shaky. "I should’ve seen it sooner. I should’ve helped him."
Liana sighs and shifts closer to me. "You didn’t know, Iris. None of us did. Eli kept it all inside. You can’t blame yourself for something you didn’t see coming."
My chest tightens as I try to hold back the tears. "He was in so much pain, and I couldn't do anything to fix it."
"You loved him," my mom says from across the room. She walks over to me and kneels in front of the couch. "And that’s all Eli ever wanted—to be loved. You gave him that. You gave him everything."
"But it wasn’t enough," I whisper, feeling the weight of the guilt crush me. "I should've been there for him when he needed me. I should've been stronger."
My mom reaches out and takes my hands in hers. "You can’t change what happened, Iris. All you can do now is remember the love you shared. That’s what he would want. He wouldn’t want you to carry this burden on your own."
But it’s hard to let go of the guilt. It’s hard to stop thinking about all the ways I could’ve helped him, all the signs I missed.
I close my eyes, a tear slipping down my cheek. "I just wish I had more time. I wish I could’ve done something to make him stay."
My mom squeezes my hands, her voice gentle but firm. "You gave him love, Iris. And that’s all anyone can ever ask for. You can’t change the past, but you can honor him by living the life he would have wanted for you."
I nod, though the ache in my heart doesn’t go away. It’s a dull, unrelenting pain that gnaws at me day and night.
"Let’s get through this together," my sister says, her voice steady. "We’ll take care of you, Iris. You’re not alone."
I look up at her, at my mom, and though the sadness still consumes me, I feel a flicker of warmth. They’re right. I’m not alone. I have them, and I have the love Eli gave me, even though he’s gone.
But still, the emptiness lingers, and I wonder if it’ll ever truly leave.
I sit in the quiet of my apartment, the soft hum of the city outside barely making its way through the walls. Everything feels distant, as if I’m trapped in a world I can’t fully touch. My eyes wander across the room, landing on all the little things Eli gave me. His sketches, the books we read together, the small trinkets we exchanged, reminders of a love that feels like a dream slipping further and further away.
Each item feels heavier now. They carry so much weight, so many memories. Some of them make me smile, while others twist the knife a little deeper into my heart.
I reach for a framed photo of us, taken on one of our lazy afternoons in the park. His arm around my shoulders, his usual mischievous grin on his face, while I smile softly beside him. The photo is a moment frozen in time, but now, it feels more like a distant memory.
The funeral is tomorrow. The last day.
I haven’t been able to bring myself to face it. The thought of saying goodbye to him in front of everyone, to seeing his empty casket... It feels like too much. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do it.
My fingers trace the edges of the photo, but it doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real. How could it? He was just here, a part of my world, and now—he’s gone.
I know I should go. I know it’s the right thing to do. But the thought of seeing his mother, of facing the overwhelming sadness, of hearing the words "goodbye" from everyone around me... It makes my chest tighten, and the tears begin to well up again.
"Why didn’t I see it?" I whisper to myself, staring at the photo. "Why didn’t I realize he needed me more?"
I hear a knock at the door, and for a moment, I freeze. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone.
But then the door opens, and Liana steps in, her eyes filled with worry. "Iris," she says softly, walking over to where I sit. "Are you okay?"
I don’t answer right away. I can’t. My throat is tight, and the words feel impossible to speak.
"I’m not sure if I can go," I finally whisper.
Liana sits next to me and takes my hand, offering her warmth, her comfort. "You don’t have to go if you’re not ready, but you can’t keep running from it either, Iris. You have to say goodbye."
I shake my head, trying to push away the heaviness in my chest. "I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I can face his mom... everyone who loved him. What if I fall apart?"
"You won’t fall apart," Liana says, her voice firm but gentle. "You’re strong, Iris. And you’re not alone. I’ll be there with you, Mom will be there, and so will Eli’s family. You don’t have to go through this alone."
"But I failed him," I whisper, the weight of the words crushing me. "I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t... help him."
Liana squeezes my hand. "You gave him your love, Iris. That’s all he ever wanted. He knew how much you loved him. And he loved you, too."
I close my eyes, feeling the tears that have been threatening to spill finally escape. They’re quiet at first, just a few drops, but then the floodgates open.
"I miss him," I sob. "I miss him so much, Liana. I don’t know how to let go."
She pulls me into a hug, holding me tight as the tears continue to fall. "You don’t have to let go right away. It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel lost. Just know that it’s not your fault, and you don’t have to carry this weight alone."
I cling to her, letting myself cry, letting all the pain, all the guilt, wash over me.
Eventually, the tears slow, and I pull back, wiping my eyes. "I’ll go," I say softly. "I’ll say goodbye, even if it hurts."
Liana nods, offering a small, supportive smile. "You don’t have to do it alone, Iris. You’ll be okay."
I nod, though a part of me still feels uncertain. But I know I have to do this. I have to honor Eli, even if it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The memories will never fade. His love will always remain in my heart. But I need to let go, to find peace, and to carry him with me in a way that doesn’t break me.
Tomorrow will be the hardest day of my life, but it’s the step I need to take. I can’t change the past, but I can move forward, with him still in my heart.