I just keep running. I don’t know why I just keep running. Even though Clarence and his friends never attempt a cat-and-mouse chase. Even though Clarence intentionally let me escape, even though I knew deep down that what he did was a scare tactic.
But despite that, I run.
I don’t know where I am going. I just run straight without stopping. Curious passersby stare at me with wonder and sometimes I almost got hit by approaching cyclists.
A few quick apologies here and there if I bump someone but I don’t stop.
Once I am finally out of breath, I put myself into a sudden halt. Wobbly legs restrict me from going further and I am panting a lot, as I walk slowly to the wall next to a Japanese-looking restaurant and lean my back on it.
While trying to catch my breath, my mind that was once numb from running, like a fleeting adrenaline rush, yet,
While trying to catch my breath, my mind was once numb from running, like a fleeting adrenaline rush, yet it reverts me back to my own thoughts.
I was assaulted.
By a classmate, I barely even knew.
Even when I didn’t show my pathetic side yet.
I smile grimly to myself. Today reminded me that despite starting a new leaf in a new place and school, good luck won’t come in my way.
First with Luca, who has been showing nothing but mixed signals for these past few days and I can be safe to assume that it was just his obligation as a guardian.
Second, I just…don’t belong here. The school, this city…Who am I kidding? Just because Yu has been the only nicest person in Dawn City, I automatically assume everyone is?
I must be an idiot, thinking that I can blend in at my new school.
No matter where I go, I will always be No-good Nina.
‘Know your place, parvenu.’
Clarence’s words remind me of Luca’s three years ago. Funny how the rich people think alike.
I must be insane thinking Luca and Clarence are the same.
Luca is going to be your stepbrother and Clarence is just a classmate you barely know. I thought to myself. Luca has REASONS to be mad while Clarence… Clarence is just crazy.
But at the same time, they might be right…I just need to know my place in their world.
“Are you all right, miss?” I look beside me to see a Japanese man’s head peeking from the corner. He looks around his mid-40s and he seems genuinely concerned when he sees me.
“Y-yeah,” I answer and I’ve realized that I’m actually sitting on the floor at this man’s restaurant. “S-sorry, I sh-should go.”
“Nonsense, you look troubled, missy,” he then examines me a bit. His lips curve into a frown. “Do you want me to call the police?”
“Huh?” I look at him quizzically.
“Someone tore your uniform, right?” He says, pointing his index finger at my chest and I look down and I immediately squeak, realizing that since the buttons are torn on my dress shirt and vest, it opens wider to reveal my worn-out sports bra. I quickly cover my chest with my vest.
No wonder people were staring at me when I was...running, I mentally wanted to beat myself up.
“Come inside, I will lend you my wife’s shirt first. And let’s call your parents.”
I immediately pale. “N-no, that’s okay! This is because of my carelessness!”
He just looks doubtful. “Can I just at least hand you over my wife’s shirt then? I feel bad leaving you like that, especially in this cold weather.” He then gestures to me to follow him before heading back inside.
Hesitantly, I follow inside.
When I enter, the restaurant is just like from the Asian soap operas: wooden interior with pictures showcasing the restaurant’s best dishes, Japanese slogan is facing in front of you the moment you enter and Japanese lanterns are hanging at the counter.
There’s no diversity in Dawn City so it’s my first time actually seeing a real Japanese restaurant.
“We haven’t opened yet so feel free to sit anywhere. My wife is coming home with my daughter so I have to go upstairs and get you a shirt.”
“Will it be better if we ask your wife first?”
“My wife has more clothes than the lines of these wooden floors!” He laughs out loud. “Don’t worry, missy, here.” He passes me a bowl of noodle soup. “It’s on the house.”
“This is too much…”
“Seriously, miss. I think you need some pampering with the way you act. Just let me spoil ya.”
I look perplexed as I utter the words that come to my mind. “W-why are you so nice to me?”
“Because I can. Plus you were around my son’s age. Now, dig in, it’s the best noodles in my restaurant,” he says, cheerfully then he leaves me when he goes upstairs.
I look at the noodles and take the spoon since I have not yet learned how to hold the chopsticks. I taste the soup and feel the rich texture of the soup in my mouth.
This soup…is far better than the lunch meal I had earlier.
And I continue to eat it, suddenly feeling hungry and wolfing it down. The temperature isn’t hot enough to burn my tongue so I gulp every last bit of the soup.
“I’m glad that you like the food.”
“Yes, it’s the best noodles I’ve ever tasted.”
The man chuckles as he hands over a loose shirt. “Sorry, my wife’s a bit plump but it’s better than nothing, eh?”
“I appreciate it, Mr. Thank you,” I say with gratitude as I accept the pink t-shirt. It’s too big for me but it’s just the same as when I was wearing my hoodies.
“No problem.” He smiles, then he returns back to the kitchen behind the counter. “We have a telephone here if you want to call your folks,” he says, pointing to the phone which is placed next to the cat figurine.
“I’m good, I have my phone here, thanks.”
And with that, I rummage inside my bag to check the time to see it’s still 6PM, I sigh. Today… I don’t know how I’m feeling right now after everything that happened but I just...I just want to call Gene.
I don’t need to tell him about today’s events… I just need to hear his voice.
The phone rings and I’m waiting patiently for him to answer.
No answer.
I call him again but he still doesn’t pick it up.
That’s odd. He usually answers at this time.
And when I dial the phone the fourth time is when he picks up.
“Oh, Gene, thank God—”
“Who is this?” A child-like voice of a young boy and I instantly know it’s one of the foster kids.
“Rupert, right?” Last time I saw Rupert was weeks ago. “This is Nina. Can you please get your big brother Gene?”
The other line seems quiet for a while until he answers, “Gene is in the basement with daddy.”
My heart sinks into the pit hole when I hear that as all the blood on my face drains down.
He’s...what now?
Chapter 20
Warning: implied abuse
< Nina >
“C-could you get him, please?”
“Daddy says not to interrupt them when they are in the basement.”
“P-please, Rupert,” I start begging, as my whole body trembles. “I-it’s important!”
“But daddy will get mad at me, too. And Gene deserves it because he didn’t—”
“School work!” I suddenly exclaimed as this idea just came spur of the moment. “I need your brother because of school work! We have a school project coming up for tomorrow! Your dad won’t mind if I borrow him, right?”
There is a slight hesitation from the other line and I know that I am actually pressuring a seven-year-old kid to do my bidding. But Gene’s safety matters first.
Finally, he says, “Okay, I’ll tell daddy.”
“Thank you!” And I smile in relief.
Then I hear a soft thud of the phone being dropped on something concrete. Sounds of footsteps become distant while Rupert’s voice calls out for his father until it disappears.
All I need to do is wait.
But…
How come Gene is back in the basement? The last time that happened, Gene and I were fourteen and his foster father was drunk…
That time, I came to his house as usual because I brought a USB of some of the music I downloaded on Spotify. It was Gene’s birthday back then and we had a great time, really.
Then his foster father came along with his wife. They were both drunk and were laughing and when his father saw us, something in him snapped.
Everything went pitch black and the next thing I knew, Gene and I were at the hospital. The only thing that I could remember was seeing Gene in the hospital bed.
For some strange reason, I was left unscratched, minus the bump on my head. But Gene… he needed stitches. A lot of them.
Since then, my mother fought tooth and nail to win Gene for child custody but failed...who were we kidding?
The jury sees my mom as incapable of nurturing another child. A woman who works thrice as anyone, who loves Gene like her own son...yet the court finds his current foster family fitting to be his guardians.
And Gene… he said he was fine with it. H-he said it won’t break him.
‘I’m used to it.’ Words of Gene before I left Freedomville continue to repeat in my head.
Something wet dripped on the empty bowl in front of me and I’ve realized I have already started crying.
I hate it… when I start thinking about Gene being alone. Otherwise, I couldn’t control the overwhelming emotions I have right now.
“N-Nina?” A voice I am yearning to hear speaks on the other line.
“G-Gene…” Relieved, I’m glad to hear his voice again. How long have I been crying that I didn’t realize he came back. But thank God he came back.
“Are you...are you crying?” His voice sounds hoarse, a whisper-like tone that I recognize as if…
…his throat has been choked.
No, you’re overthinking this, Nina!
But those thoughts make me wail, tears overflowing as I slump my face on the table. I hate it when I cry…
…When I cry, I can’t stop it. The uncontrollable emotion that sweeps all the logic I have.
“Gene, I’m so, so sorry,” I say in between my sobs.
Behind me, I am fully aware that the restaurant owner is staring at me yet he doesn’t say a word.
“Gene, why didn’t you accept my mom’s proposal? Why can’t you live here away from them? Why? Why?”
I keep saying why over and over again, trying to find any logical reason behind Gene’s decision.
“Funny,” he muses, his voice despite hoarse attempts at a forced laugh. “After all these years being inseparable, this is like...the first time you cried...if we don’t count back in kindergarten.”
“Gene! Please tell me why you were in the basement? D-don’t you dare dodge this question.”
He doesn’t answer. And honestly, I should wait for his response. Gripping the phone, I rub my eyes feverishly, ignoring the slight sting on my bruised one.
It takes a while till he says, “My dad caught me with a newspaper ad. He got pissed and dragged me downstairs.”
“He was drunk,” he adds, softly. “I didn’t expect him to come home early, otherwise I could have stayed in my room.”
I stay quiet or attempt to be quiet. Tears couldn’t stop and I sniff every now and then.
“But I’m going to be fine, Nina. It’s no big deal. I mean, you saved me. He would be dead tired to continue after our conversation here.”
Even if Gene tries to reassure me, it doesn’t sit well on me. Since coming here, I have had this strange gut feeling. My instincts start to kick in as I blurt out, “Did the abuse get worse...since I left, Gene?”
It was a gamble to ask a question that has been bothering me.
He sighs. Mutter something I couldn’t decipher before he says, “I don’t want to worry you, Nina.”
At that moment, I feel like a shitty friend.
“A-Gene…” I whimper, more tears coming out of my eyes. “I can’t do this...you’re hurt there...I have to be there.”
“Nina.” A firm voice, a rare one I have yet to hear from him. “You have to stay there. It’s for the best.”
“But, Gene. I can go back, just let me—”
“Nina!” he says again, his voice raises a bit which startles me. A rare awkward silence between us and I am unable to tell what’s going to happen next.
He sighs again. “I promise you. I’ll go there for Thanksgiving. And I’ll tell you everything. Sorry, I’ve been keeping this from you for so long. As to why I can’t leave, why my foster family and the people around me are abusive to me….” then he pauses for a bit. “And now we’re at it, I will apologize to you for this. I am terribly sorry that your involvement with me ruined your chance of a normal life.”
“Even without you, I’m sure I’ll get bullied for my lack of good qualities.” I laugh a bit.
“No, Nina, it’s still my fault…” his words falter, another hesitation from him. I am aware that it takes courage to say these things. “You’re being bullied because you never ditch me when they told you to. Remember back then? They said they would leave you alone if you had ignored me as they told you so. N-Nina,” he says, his voice starting to tremble. “I’m the reason why you’re bullied, after all.”
“And I will never blame you for that,” was my immediate response.
“D-Despite knowing this,” he continues. “You never blame me?”
“Why would I blame you?” I smile, warmly. Seriously, Gene is smart. He should know why he has never been blameless.
“Gene, you’re my best friend. Even if the world is against you, I will always be by your side.”
For countless times in this call, he doesn’t reply. At first, I want to bring up a topic or anything if my words have been cringe-y or awkward since my cheeks flustered at my own declaration. But when I start to hear Gene’s restrained sniffles and later on he starts sobbing, I couldn’t contain my own tears as well.
It feels weird, crying in a public place like this. And the fact that the restaurant owner doesn’t complain that I have been such a drama queen, it should be embarrassing, really. I hate showing my weakness as “No-Good Nina”.
“T-Thank you, Nina. Thank you," Gene says between sniffles.
But this is just an exception.