That night, after returning home from the bar, heavily intoxicated, Neil trudged through the house like a soulless corpse, indifferent to everything around him, including Zoe.
Zoe helped him into the room and then took a warm cloth to wipe his face. Zoe sat beside Neil for a long while, bracing himself with one hand on the bed while using the other to smooth Neil’s tousled hair back. The handsome face of Neil, now looking eerily tranquil, made Zoe’s heart race. Unable to control himself, Zoe leaned down and pressed his lips against Neil’s soft ones. His hand gently held Neil’s mouth open, and his tongue clumsily explored Neil’s. The simple kiss made Zoe’s heart pound furiously with nervousness and unfamiliar pleasure that made his whole body shiver.
When the kiss ended, Zoe’s finger lightly traced Neil’s lips. In his drunken haze, Neil opened his mouth slightly, brushing his face against Zoe’s finger, making Zoe pull back, startled and flustered. As Zoe was about to stand and leave, Neil’s hand reached out and grasped his, mumbling in his sleep.
“Zoe, don’t go, please don’t leave.”
Zoe sat back on the bed and gently patted Neil’s hand. “I’m not going anywhere. Just sleep.”
“I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
“What fault do you have?” Zoe smiled reassuringly.
Neil shook his head, still with his eyes closed, mumbling.
“It’s all my fault. I’m the one who caused the accident that killed your parents… It’s me… I’m so sorry…”
In his dazed state, Neil continued to recount the entire incident, his voice gradually becoming softer, punctuated by constant apologies until he finally fell asleep.
Zoe sat by the bed, staring at the peacefully sleeping Neil. His hands clenched tightly. Zoe then got up and wandered around Neil’s room, checking every nook and cranny, including Neil’s document files, family photo albums, and a single photo of Zoe's family from when he was seven.
After reading the documents about himself, Zoe felt an indescribable emotion. While putting the documents back in the drawer, he accidentally discovered a photo of himself with Neil along with a letter titled “To Zoe.” On the back of the photo was written “I love you, Zoe.” Zoe’s eyes fell, and he looked over at Neil lying on the bed. It must have been very difficult for Neil to finally express his feelings, but not knowing how to say it, he wrote it down in a letter meant for him.
Zoe opened the letter and read it, his expression growing sorrowful. He placed the letter back where it was and gently exited the room.
After that night, despite not remembering what he had said while drunk, Neil found it increasingly uncomfortable to make eye contact with Zoe. Zoe, on the other hand, seemed eager to talk to him and found excuses to be close to him, naturally increasing their physical contact.
Rather than waiting for Neil to touch his hair as usual, Zoe took his hand and placed it on his head, hugged him from behind, wiped rice grains off his mouth while eating, pulled him closer while watching TV, and suddenly lay down on his lap. Neil felt something was off with Zoe, but even more, he felt something was wrong with himself. He wanted to be close to Zoe more and more but hesitated to reveal the truth, to give Zoe the letter he had written, and accept whatever came next.
Today, when Neil came home from the police station, he found Zoe sitting on the sofa watching TV. He awkwardly smiled at Zoe.
“You’re home early today.”
Zoe nodded. “I made dinner. Go take a shower, and then we can eat together.”
Neil went to the bathroom with his head down. The more Zoe’s attentiveness and sweetness made him feel guilty, the more uncomfortable he became, as if he were about to explode. After more than ten years since the accident, he had never slept peacefully, always suffering because he believed he was responsible for it.
Neil turned on the shower, letting the water flow over him, as if trying to awaken himself. After a while, as if making up his mind, Neil turned off the water, dried himself, and got dressed.
When Neil came out of the bathroom, his hair was still damp from the shower. He casually dried it a bit, and since it was half-dry, he sat down next to Zoe, continuing to use a towel to dry his hair. Some drops of water splashed onto Zoe’s face. The more Zoe watched, the more he wanted to keep looking. Suddenly, Zoe grabbed the towel from Neil’s hand.
“I’ll dry your hair for you.”
“No need, I can do it myself…”
Before Neil could finish, Zoe had already pulled him into a proper sitting position and placed the towel on his head. Zoe gently massaged Neil’s scalp with his soft fingers. Although Neil was far from suffering from headaches at his age, the massage made him relax, even making his eyebrows unfurrow and his lips curl into a smile. Yet, feeling uncomfortable, Neil reached up to touch his head and grabbed Zoe’s hand.
“Alright, stop pressing. I’ll go dry my hair.”
Neil took the towel from Zoe and withdrew his hand, feeling a bit flustered as he hurried into the room. When he came back, he carried the letter and hesitantly handed it to Zoe.
“Read this first, and then we can talk.”
Zoe took the letter and raised an eyebrow at Neil.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to confess your feelings.”
Zoe teased, but Neil was too anxious and worried to appreciate the joke. He sat down on the sofa opposite Zoe, his face dark and his heart racing, waiting to hear Zoe’s response.
Zoe slowly opened the letter, skimmed through it quickly, then put it back on the table and stood up.
Neil was stunned, thinking Zoe would just walk away without a word. But Zoe’s next action left him dumbfounded.
“Done reading? Let’s have dinner.”
Neil sat in shock, his eyes wide as he watched Zoe calmly walk to the dining room, sit down, and smile at him. Neil sat there in disbelief, like he had witnessed something impossible. Zoe was sitting right in front of him, smiling gently.
“Aren’t you hungry? Come and eat. I’m starving.”
Neil still stood there dazedly, stammering, “I… I’ll come over.”
Throughout dinner, Zoe chatted animatedly about school and how hard he worked to prepare the meal, while Neil remained silent, mechanically eating. He thought this might be their last meal together, and Zoe didn’t want to ruin the moment, planning to leave quietly afterward. The more he thought, the more frightened he became, watching Zoe without blinking.
After dinner, Neil wanted to ask Zoe something but couldn’t find the words. They sat together watching TV, but the show was too dull. Zoe fell asleep with his head leaning on Neil’s shoulder and then gradually lay down on his lap.
A while later, Zoe was fast asleep. Neil continued to sit there, feeling the distinct scent of Zoe around him. Neil lowered his head and, in the dim light from the TV, placed a quick kiss on Zoe’s lips before pulling away. Neil, ever patient, managed to watch the rest of the show, and when Zoe didn’t wake up, he gently picked him up and carried him to his own room.
Even if they would not see each other in the morning, spending a night together brought Neil great comfort. He was grateful that Zoe had not accused him of anything, but he knew Zoe was very angry with him.