During the most terrifying moment, I want nothing but, to survive.

Days and nights. I have lost count of how many days we were here. Hoping and begging for something good to happen. Bit and bit of my sanity wore off, every night, as my eyes tried to shut off my mind, giving me the peace I couldn't reach in the day, those nightmares strangled me hatefully. Dylan would scream as his bloodshot eyes streamed a dark thick somewhere greenish and blood red, flowing to his open wounded chest, he would scream until his lungs burst open, this is your fault, again and again. And every time I tried to run, Sarah was lying ten steps from me, her eyes were wide open, as if in shock that she was killed. She would glare into my soul as she appeared ten steps from me every time I tried to run from Dylan and her. In a what felt forever in white world with nothing but Sarah's blood crating puddle and puddle where she had been before being teleported to ten feet from mine again. And wherever I wanted to give up running, all the dead residents would flock around me and close the gap, the stench of whatever's not blood and the streams of dark liquid from their wounds as they screamed at me, taking my oxygen and I would wake up in sweat sticking on my skin like a second layer, my chest burning and my heart pounding to the nightmare.
And today was no different, I was only able to sleep for a few hours and the rest was me and my dark thoughts, pushing and pulling towards the dark abyss, the guilt, the mourning, the sadness, and even memories don't help. I pulled the rag from my body, welcoming the cold. I took a chance in thsilencent of the night to roam around. 
Just outside, for the first time, I can see the things Blythe and Lucy always told me. There were two lines of tents, and we were the in first line, in front of the others' tents. Each line consisted of around thirty or forty more tents, and next to each tent was a metal plate on a standing stick with four legs in the ground, the coal burning on the plate. Flickering and making sounds throughout the night. And surrounding us were red fences, too tall to see what hiding beyond the fences. And there's only one way entrance. 
I took careful steps, feeling my head throbbing from the unfamiliar and too-wide space
With my own eyes, I saw the abandoned windmill, the canteen, the infirmary from just outside the camp, and the fences surrounding it. I chose to roam to my left, where it's said, the practice building standing proudly. I take in carefully what is laid next to our campsites a small dark space leads to who knows where before other fences half the height of our red fences, separates the dusty path. There were aisles and each aisle had at least ten big white foam boxes containing more vegetables and other food-related plants. They all have four-level aisles and are built-like steps leading upwards to nowhere. 
Taking my chance, I walked further beyond the darkness and felt the darkness slowly enveloping my body. There were two tents stretched far behind them. Taking a walk again, there was a kind of big crates, under a big canopy, small laid around, glancing around, I found a place they called practice ground. Obviously, there was a fence separating the ground. However, there was no lock. 
Pushing in, I saw the guards taking glances from the post up the barriers, as if it was nothing they looked away, taking turns glancing at me. They're ignoring me even though I knew I shouldn't be in here except for a few selected people makes me curious even more. My heart was beating in nervousness however of course I recognized the adrenaline that started to take course in every inch of my veins. The silence only feeds the sound of my own heart throbbing inside my chest. As my hands push the ware's door.
The warmth inside does nothing as my body even alerts me to every particle in the air. The musky and sweaty smells invade my nose as if it was something that hit the familiarity, I sense myself getting excited, even more, I could feel myself on the brink of exploding. As if I could take every piece of equipment without a wink of sleep, as if I could put myself on the verge of tiredness till I can take it anymore yet I would do it again and again, pushing the limit again and again until I know nothing about the limit but my body and my build up strength. 
' This is insane!."
When I was up in the tree, running away from a big guy who eats humans and undead, or when I was up in the tree taking care of unconscious Blythe, or when I was up in the tree shooting hordes and hordes of zombies, waves, and waves. Honing my sniper skills, I doubted myself but I felt as if I got rusty very bad, and my hands were just itching to touch the sniper gun when I saw those hordes. Honestly, up there I was calm, slowing my breathing, and focusing on my surroundings, I was being one with nature. But, here?. Right here where I felt some sense of familiarity. Damn, I want to punch something, work myself to the end. This is bad, I knew that. 
In the darkness I tried to find the walls, grabbing in the dark wasn't something fun but worth it. Touching everywhere trying to find that switch, I can see the whole place. Deciding that I should start somewhere near the entrance, I went to the faint moonlight shining through the entrance. As I was 'caressing' the walls, my hands accidentally touched something bulging on the wall, something hard. 
I flicked the switch, and right away the light blinded my eyes. As my eyes adjust with the light, damn me if I say my heart doesn't just stop for a second. I don't know or I can say I don't remember the gym or it was some made-up word my mind decided to create. But, I knew what the word conveyed. 
I think I am going crazy. This practice ground is more like the warehouse size with some crazy modified stuff. There were logs, the size of Blythe and my height, damn I felt small, anyway... It was cut a bit in the middle, about thirteen to fifteen inches, and created an empty and half log in the middle, except the empty place was filled with a long thick round metal, I remember something with the name dumbbells. Damn, I am seriously GOING CRAZY!..
There's a makeshift seat, maybe a weight bench, a long thick rope that bounces as hard as you hit it onto the ground again and again, the impact tensing your biceps well, the battle ropes. My hands are itching for it already. There's also something that resembles something maybe called a treadmill, I barely recognise the self-modified stuff to copy the original but I was so sure it served the same purpose. There were also dipping bars and sandbags so big I doubt I could make it swings with my puny punch, and the craziest was the fighting ring in the middle. There's a door across all of this crazy stuff. Ignoring the urge, I followed the curiosity for once. Skipping the place was crazy enough until I saw what was laid behind the door, the wall. 
A shooting practice zone.
'oh is this heaven?.'
Damn how I felt excited from this all. Even the confusion has been drowned with the adrenaline flowing through. I swept my eyes on every piece of equipment thinking which one I should use first. But the sandbag caught my attention, after all, I could feel my body getting rusty, and I needed to get used to this back. Taking bigger steps each time, as I reached it, took it in my hands, feeling the rough makeshift leather texture. Taking a small warm-up, my fist goes straight punching the bag. The feeling was so great as I launched all my trapped feelings into the punching bag. The way my mind was always on alert, the way I had lost all the good things in Laketown residence, the way Dylan shot himself, the way Sarah's body was tainted with wounded and dried blood, the way Michael or what was left of him got shot in front of my own two eyes, in a day I lost everything. 
Everything.
I launched a harder punch. My grunt resonates within the warehouse. The musky sweat in the air was already getting adapted to me in a second. And the air now caught the sniff of me, the sweat running down my back, and my chest felt tightened to the feeling, as the rusty feeling on every joint loosened. The memories flooded, the only memory I hold now. The regret gnawing now, I launched harder than before, the more memories flowed into my head, the harder my fist punched every time. Trying to get rid of it all. And I was well aware of the sting in the corner of my eyes, the way my tears mixed with the sweat on my cheek. 
The grunt now has turned into a scream, a madness. I wasn't aware it was me who was letting out a cry. Damn. I am a man. Why can't I just accept and move on!. Because those stereotypes weren't applied to me. Because my parents taught me it's okay to feel bad. My parents?. 
My parents?.
Which parents?.
My fist froze in the air. As I caught myself feeling bad about this lost memory thing. My chest throbbed, thumping inside my chest, wildly. Turning around, my head felt a little bit clearer, a bit better. The only sound I heard was my heavy breathing. As I took a seat at the edge of the fighting ring. Wiping aggressively the tears and the sweat on my face. 
I don't know how long I was there, just sitting and thinking. But, I was glad, even the guards saw me taking a step inside, they didn't kick me out. And I really need this greatly. Taking out some muddy water in my head and thinking clearly about where and what we should do going forward. I can't stay still when they lend me their hand, help us, take us in, feed us, and give us warmth, safety, and all the basic things we need. I should take some work tomorrow. And warm up with everyone else. Yes, I should start it slow. I should do it well, do my best. 
The resolution was glued to my head at that moment. I will take everything to save people and I don't want any more people to lose their life to the monster and become the monster themselves. I wouldn't allow anyone to lose their beloved, the people they once knew. I don't want a scar anymore, not on others. I knew I couldn't give much but I would do my best. Someone's life is just as important. 
As I am making my resolution, choosing to continue living, taking the instinct and doing everything to stay alive until the end, footsteps getting closer tune out with my thoughts until the person drops to his knees. The loud thud startled me, pulling me out of my own trance. The man was a bit older than Dylan, his hair was white, and wrinkles started to take in his face. As I was watching his every movement, I noticed his eyes, the red color, his gray old eyes, the swollen eyes, his white face was red and pale, and what stood out the most was how desperate his eyes were, just how I felt for the past few weeks. I didn't count, I refused to count, now I was losing track of time as I took myself to a resolution, accepting that Dylan, Sarah and Michael, and others were really gone. 
Caine POV
My telecom received a message from Nelson that he was so sure Als are here but something odd with him unsettling him. I knew I shouldn't have too much hope when I received the call, but this old man had nothing but great hope for the young man, surely that was a month ago. Ever since I have never taken my eyes off him. I was there, always watching him. As words went by, they said Walter, which I am sure is our Als, the one we have waited for a year since the outbreak. He was too determined to help every single survivor until the camp was attacked and we lost contact with him for a year and 6 months now, not anymore. 
He was miserable, though I understand the soul of his, gentle yet stronger than any man ever, even his dad. He refused to give up on anyone. I also heard he lost his memory, and thus, the Laketown residence thing must take a toll on him. If he remembers how much he has been through, would he still cope in his tent? I am sure he would go against the world, trying every ounce of him to save more. 
I was so sure. And I was thinking how I should take him back without much resistance. I knew Als, if anything, he is a stubborn piece of shit. I sighed, this kid made my head throbbing every time he caused trouble. I may not have my own little family, but this kid sure does feel like one, and he's gonna make me die from a heart attack on one of these days. 
I have negotiated with Nelson, the one who manages Redwood Outpost, we, raven shelter always aims and seek an alliance with survivors settlement so we can share our mutual need to survive this outbreak, redwood outpost is one of them and Als once reminded us every time in our meetings to seek more, save more people. And we have grown so much that even when he was missing, he still thrived with his advice. To survive. 
The things I negotiated with Nelson were something so I could stay close to Als. I chose to live in the abandoned windmill. The second floor was all dusty but I could care less about it. I doubt I need sleep, this kid already made me sleep-deprived ever since this apocalypse happened. 
Just any other day, I was up the third floor of the windmill, surprisingly he chose to take a step outside. And I can't help the grin on my face. 
"Atta boy. That's my boy."
I whispered, satisfied with his choice. 
I observed his every cautious, curious step. I crossed my hands on my chest as I leaned on the ledge. Taking note of his surroundings, I made sure he was sure, after all, that Als had a great number of enemies as he chose to save people. That's also the reason I haven't taken off the bulletproof vest, the sheath, the gun, or all of my tactical gear. I would do everything to protect this kid even if I was already 30-something and even if my hair turned white, my joints hurt, my body can't go on. I will and forever protect him.
"How's he?."
I have been aware of his presence ever since he took a step on the windmill. But, we both know it takes more for us to unsheathe our knives to each other's throat just like in the old times. We were once rivals in our military service years, but not now. We depend on each other and that's also because of one kid. That's why he immediately reached me when his men told him of Als. 
"You know him. No need to say anything, don't I?. The stubborn kid has coped himself in his tent for a month, something I can't comprehend, but seeing what he has gone through, that makes sense. He can't be called a human anymore."
I joked. 
Nelson let out his infamous chuckle. 
We watched as he chose to let himself into the warehouse. My grin widened. Aha!. You caught yourself in your own place Als. I am sure you are haunted by the memory you lost right now. You may lose memory, but your heart and your body don't.
"The kid found his base already."
Nelson said, amused. 
Soon enough, the place lights up, he even forgets to close the door. Typical Als after all. 
"If Amelia sees that, she might go nuts on him, we would find him out on the balcony, being punished."
He laughs and I follow suit. I can see the image already. Not once in a while did that happen, a lot of times, every time we walked past their house, Als would be found on his knee in front of his balcony. In a week, we might find him five to almost every day like that, yet he never learns the lesson but I doubt he hates being punished by Amelia. Even if anything he was glad, even if we told him to escape with us for a moment, he refused saying Amelia would come out and cry, feel guilty, and would cook him something good and give him the warmest cuddle. That kid. If I don't know, I would think he might be a down-masochist person. 
"Talking about the girl. How's she?. Did she know?."
I snapped my head to him. As quickly as I got. My neck felt a quick sting, it might get sore later, my old age has really given me great trouble. 
"Are you crazy?. She may be induced herself in the infirmary, taking her position as an innocent healer so good, a kind doctor, a sweet scientist but you know how scary that girl is when it comes to Als. She once punched a man in the face who is three times her size because he talked badly about Als. She took down the whole group of bandits just so she could reach Als when he went on a mission, by herself, the others just stood there, speechless. If you are still not aware, how she went on a rampage when she found out we lost contact with Als. She went straight for everyone's throats, threatened everyone, went to destroy the whole safe house, and really burnt the whole safe house to the ground just for her to build the safe house back from scratch on her own. We are all scared of her, no kidding, I am thinking between Als and Amelia, I doubt Als is the head of the house. The unbeatable Als, the raven's assassin, the person who successfully gets the position, so-called general of the army, admiral of the navy, the greatest sniper at the same time, in his teenage years, yet scared of the said girl. No way in hell I am playing with fire here. I wouldn't survive nor would he in his current condition."
In panic, I tried to reason why we shouldn't let Amelia know about this. Nelson stared at me. Many seconds passed before he shook his head. 
"Damn, the girl sounds tough. I didn't know it was serious when I saw him on the balcony. But, she really has him wrapped around her finger so tight. Well, they are a match made in heaven. Who else could control Als as she did?. I doubt there is one. Well, the kids love each other, let them be. And you talk a lot today. Never heard you talk that much, or it's just me?. Excited?."
For a second I was agreeing with him then another just made me straight up mad. He really always knows where to pull to make my blood boil. Especially his smug shitty face. But, I tried to stay calm. 
"That's because you are useless to talk to, shithead."
"And now you suddenly find I am worth talking to?."
His shit-eating face and his overgrowing smug face getting unbearable. He let out a chuckle. 
"Well, I gotta go. Good job today, my bro."
He patted my shoulder as he walked ahead and down the stairs. 
"I would rather be dead than be one ."
He turned around in the middle of the stairs.
"What?. Bro?. Oh, come on. We are great buddies, aren't we?."
"Fuck off."
He laughed as he vanished at the corner towards the second floor. When suddenly my head snapped at the sound of a scream. My reflex made me pull my gun and put out my hands in front of the gun, my head focused on the warehouse. 
I put the gun on my side as I quickly jumped the stairs. However when I was on the ground, an old man hurried toward the warehouse. He was also one of the Laketown residents people, wasn't he? 
Carefully, I follow him. He doesn't look like someone who can cause much damage. If he did, I would intervene of course. 
The old man stood in front of the door for a second, upon seeing this, the guards almost came here before I gave them a nod to reassure them. After a few minutes of hesitating, the old man barges inside, kneeling in front of Als who has another meltdown. Yet, this one looks better than the last month, he looks like he found his resolution. As the old man kneels, Als looks startled as he raises his head to the man. 
"Sir, I-I know I shouldn't do this."
The old man began. He sniffles. 
"Uncle Joe, what do you mean with sir and why are you kneeling? Come get up."
He tried to pull the man up. 
"No. No. Please listen to me."
The old man pulled Als arm, seeing the old man refuse to get up, als kneel in front of the old man too. 
Always the good kid. I can't stop the swelling in my chest.
"M-my granddaughter is still there. I heard people talk about you, saying you're Als. I heard of you, a lot. And please, I beg you, please save my granddaughter."
The old man sobbed as he crouched down. 
"Uncle John, I am not Als. I am Walter, remember?."
"Even if you're not, you are still someone who saves Blythe in the misty wood. Please, I don't know who I should ask for help. Blythe and the guards who stay with you refuse to let me meet you, and I ask people to save my granddaughter, they say they can't do anything with the situation, they said they already lack guards here. I don't know what to do. Please. Please, Walter. Please."
I have known him since he was a kid because I was one of his dad's students. I have witnessed how naughty he was as a toddler, and how selfless he was in his teens, how he inherited his dad's stubbornness, bravery, and leadership, how he inherited his mom's sweet, innocent, kind, humble personality. I swore I would protect him ever since I knew him. He looks fragile, even now, he still chooses to be kind rather than selfish even knowing the danger. 
Because he is Als I know, I know he agreed to help the man. When he soothed the old man and whispered something, I knew I would follow him too, this time. 
As I turn around to inform Nelson. I also planned to pack some food ration, seeing how the man who has a proportion of a soldier, the dark-skinned man, would also follow him, I should pack extra. As I walked to the windmill, a girl, who I found out named Lucy and a friend to Als during his stay, came stopping me halfway. 
She signed as a way to talk. 
'ah, she's mute.'
Fuck. I remember now, how I can read sign language because the damn kid makes me stay with him the entire time he learns sign language saying I should learn too. And I did unknowingly just because I always watched him and the instructor. 
Damn you Als.
(And what with the attire and cowboy hat?. Are you a weirdo?. What do you want with Walter?.)
I sighed before signing back to her.
( As much as I admire your hostility, I am in a hurry, so, please go away. )
I tried to walk past her before she grabbed my arm. 
(Are you bad people?. I won't let you hurt Walter.)
(Who are you?. I noticed you have been watching als for a week now.)
She's noticed me?. Huh. She's that close. But, sorry miss, he's not available. 
A smile threatened to form on my face. Well, at least she's good. 
(No. I am a friend of Nelson, sure you already know him, right?. And I am also Walter's friend, more like his uncle, not a blood-related uncle. And I am going to do anything I can to protect him. You can ask Nelson tomorrow, but now help me, before he does something stupid and goes out alone.)
She gaped at that. Without waiting for her response I walked up the stairs, took my stuff, and proceeded to jump up to Nelson's window.
"You fucker!. What the fuck?. I was sleeping, you fucker."
I kick his leg as he sprawls like a dead fish on his futon. He sits up instantly with a glare on his face. 
"Als going to escape to the laketown residence."
I told him before his face stretched in horror. He grabbed his shirt on the floor next to him and stood up quickly. Before he could take another step I tried to pull his arm to throw him down, only for him to roll and try to hold me back down. As I tried to switch the place, we ended up fighting with each other, however, as his rival, I knew his specific weak point. As he swung his fist to my face, I dodged and went for his waist and threw him down before I tackled him to keep him from moving anymore. I kept myself away from his head and locked his leg too. The way he just got slammed onto the wood floor was too loud and satisfying, I'll take my chances next time, surely. 
"What the fuck is wrong with you, Caine?."
He spat out. He never uses my name unless things get serious. And indeed, in this case, we are handling the stubborn Als and it is serious. 
"If you go, who will manage this outpost, people here need you. I will go and protect him, I will make sure he comes back. Calm down your fucked up mind before I knocked you down, we both know you only won once against me, and I would win this again. I told you this so you could be prepared for anything possible. And I need more food ration for this and a truck. If anything, I need your help, this Als isn't going to be easy without proper work. Deal?."
He wheezed again on the floor as his air slowly got cut off. He took a while before he grumbled an answer. 
"You got it."
He informed me before I let his arm go. We both pushed ourselves from the ground as he proceeded to give his wrist some massage. I wanted to give some remarks that he's getting old, but he beat me to it with something serious straight away.
"You go for him. I am sure he will not just sit around. I'll help you with the food ration. Don't forget to turn back and get it at the canteen."
Only that should I waste any more seconds before I jump off from his window, from the second floor to the ground.
"There's a door for a good sake!."
He shouted, frustrated.