ISLA
I knew that I hadn't done my part of giving Su-bin my final answer to his confession. Not because I don’t want to.
Is it wrong for me to think about what my final decision will be if I accept his confession? Do I have to prioritize how other people feel over how I feel?
Why do I still look bad in the eyes of others? Is it because I kissed someone else that I should be judged for a mistake?
“Isla,” Lav called me to reality “Are you okay? Su-bin is about to start.”
“Oh.” I looked forward to where the stage was and saw Su-bin and Troy getting ready.
They may be a little far from where I am, but I could still see the disappointed look on Su-bin's face. It breaks my heart to know that he feels jealous and angry about what happened between me and Eun-woo.
I tried questioning myself if I really deserve Su-bin as much as he deserves me. What if once we become a couple, there would be people who would try to ruin us? What if we fall out of love because of bad things that may occur in the future?
Am I really willing to take that risk?
I was soon distracted from my deep thoughts after the crowds’ sudden cheer explosion. My sight immediately went to the match and I caught a glimpse of when Su-bin amazingly lifted Troy before knocking him down to the floor.
“SADI Violet wins!” The announcer proclaimed.
Lav got up from her seat which I immediately followed together with the other students cheering for our team and cheering for Su-bin.
The cafeteria almost went full again during lunchtime and it was because everyone is trying to eat as early as they can so that they won’t miss the relay race.
Lav decided to go inline already as I looked for our table. In the middle of looking for a place to sit, I couldn’t help but look around and find signs of Su-bin. I need to talk to him to know if he was really mad at me because of that picture.
I was shocked when someone grabbed my hand and I caught a glimpse of Min-hyuk.
“Min-hyuk.”
“Were you looking for a table?” He asked. “Come and join us.”
I gave him a confused look before we walked together with our hands holding each other, going to their table. But then, I immediately let go of Min-hyuk’s hand as soon as I saw Su-bin at the same table.
It felt so awkward to act like this in front of my friends. I don’t know what else to do but look away in embarrassment. Until Min-hyuk spoke up to clear the tension.
“By the way, are you alone, Isla?” He asked me.
I looked at him. “No. I’m with Lav and she went out to get lunch.”
“I see. Then, I’ll go and help her since I’m the one getting our lunch too,” Min-hyuk said before storming off.
I remained standing there since I was left alone at the same table with Su-bin who wasn’t even speaking at all. I told myself that I should talk to him and yet here I am acting like a coward.
“Are you planning to just stand there the whole time?” I cautiously looked at Su-bin who was staring at me.
Without answering his question, I sat down opposite him. Then, there were another few moments of silence between us. Why can’t I just open up to him while the others are not yet here?
All I could do is to give him glances while he was either looking somewhere or looking on his phone. Gosh. Why is this so hard?
I gulped nervously before finally and directly looking at him. “Su-bin.”
“What?” His voice sounded bored and at the same time, it sounded disappointed.
“Uh–”
He sighed before staring directly at my face. “Make it fast and say it already.”
I remained to stare at his face and all I could see was anger. It was the first time I had seen him look at me like this. Did I mess up our relationship before it even started?
“Su-bin, I–”
“I don’t care if you kissed him or not. I want to know who will you choose between the two of us,” he cut me from speaking.
I couldn’t help but frown. “What do you mean who I will choose between the two of you?”
“Isn’t that the reason why you’re starting a conversation with me right now?” He sounded very serious by just asking a simple question.
I sighed heavily before trying to explain to him again. “I want to talk to you because I don’t want you to misunderstand my relationship with him.”
“You don’t want me to think that you’re weird for liking your step brother,” he assumed.
I looked around, trying to be cautious after he just casually said that to my face. “I don’t… like him based on how you think I liked him. Because I don’t think I like him more than just that. Moreover, it’s wrong.”
He breathed out in a sigh. “Feelings are not wrong or right. They just are. We don’t have much control over our feelings, so how can they be wrong?”
Su-bin was right.
“What we do have control over is how we act on those feelings, so actions and behavior can be wrong or right,” he continued.
“I know what you are feeling right now, and I’m sorry because I was the one who caused you those terrible feelings,” I told him sincerely.
“Don't worry. Starting today everything between us will change.”
I couldn’t help but turn my head down as I felt a sharp pain in my chest when Su-bin said those words, the reason for me to remain silent. I feel so ashamed of what’s going on and it’s like I just want to disappear in front of everyone.
“I hope this will be the last time we talk.”
I looked at him again as he got up from his seat, just at the right time for Lav and Min-hyuk to arrive from the service counter.
“Oh, Su-bin. Where are you going?” Min-hyuk asked him.
“Su-min’s waiting for me.”
“Why don’t you just invite her to eat lunch with us?” Lav asked.
“I don’t have the appetite,” Su-bin replied before looking at me directly. “I’m pretty sure Su-min would feel the same too.”
Since I can no longer speak to him, all I did was watch him walk away. My tears welled up and immediately flowed down to my cheeks.
“Isla, are you okay?” I heard Lav ask me.
But because I don’t want my friends to see me crying, I quickly wiped my tears away from my cheeks before looking at them.
I forced myself to smile as I glanced at Lav and Min-hyuk. “Let’s eat now.”
Soon began the long-awaited of the majority - the relay race. Based on the judges, this is the only way to know who will be the winning team this year. Previous sports events are no longer included in the judging.
“Isla,” Lav called my completely blank ass. “Isla!”
I glanced at her and Min-hyuk as they were both staring at me in curiosity.
“What were you saying?” I asked them.
“I’m asking if you still want to watch the relay race or you would like to go somewhere else,” Lav repeated.
“Are we allowed to leave the campus while a sports event is ongoing?” I asked them.
“Well, technically no. But, who cares?” Min-hyuk asked. “Besides, do you want to watch both Su-bin and Eun-woo play together?”
I went in silence for a while before trying to answer his question. “Why not?”
Min-hyuk chuckled before patting my head. “There’s no need to hide it from me. I know what’s going on.”
Lav and I glanced at each other before looking at Min-hyuk.
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Lav asked him.
“I saw the picture, so there’s no need to pretend like there’s nothing bad going on between Isla and Su-bin,” he said.
I sighed. “Min-hyuk, do you think I did something wrong for… kissing Eun-woo?”
“So, you’re admitting, huh?” I heard Lav before I elbowed her on the side. “Ow!”
“Hm…” Min-hyuk started to act like he was thinking very carefully. “As I’ve said before, Isla. No matter who you choose, I will always be here to support you.”
I couldn’t help but pout at him and started to cry quietly. Those were the best and most sincere words I have ever heard. Min-hyuk panicked and went to embrace me as I continued to do an ugly cry.
At the end of the day, we all decided to watch the relay race. It was a 300 meters relay race, therefore each player will run at least a hundred meters.
The first runners will be girls and Nana will be our team’s representative who will go against Na-bi. Then, for the second runner, our team had Eun-woo going against Mizuki. And for the third and last runner, we have Su-bin going against Ha-ji.
Everyone went into their places and as soon as the starting pistol was fired, the first runners began moving and running with all their speed. Nana may look like she was modest in her actions, but it’s now the time to put that away to win the race.
She ran as fast as she could and the distance between her and Na-bi was obvious for her to secure the winning spot for our team. After running a hundred meters, Nana successfully passed the baton to Eun-woo.
He ran at a great speed and when everyone thought Mizuki wouldn't be able to chase his tail, that’s when they were wrong. Even me. Mizuki quickly caught up behind Eun-woo which surprised and amazed everyone.
“Come on, Eun-woo!” Even Lav is yelling her lungs out to cheer for our team’s representative.
“Dude, I know you can do better than that!” Min-hyuk also yelled.
I can’t help but wonder how courageous they are to yell such things to Eun-woo despite standing a little near the relay tracks.
Unfortunately, Mizuki passed the baton first to Ha-ji while Eun-woo was a few seconds late to pass the baton to Su-bin.
Everyone screamed and cheered because of the excitement that was going on. Mostly when Su-bin started running like there was no tomorrow, immediately catching up behind Ha-ji.
Su-bin’s speed almost resembled a cheetah’s speed if you convert it to an actual human. Literally, he had lined up against Ha-ji and they were running alongside each other.
Together with the rest of the SADI Violet’s cheer squads, Lav, Min-hyuk, and I got involved in their group. Whenever they moved to catch the sights of the players, the three of us were also being dragged.
And now, we are all near the finish line while waiting for Su-bin and Ha-ji to see who will be the first to cross the line among them.
The chant continued for Su-bin and I remained quietly watching the race. Until the group started moving again, eventually pushing forward a little bit closer to the right side of the finish line to meet with Su-bin in case he goes first.
When it was almost a few more steps before they reached the line, someone accidentally bumped into me from behind the reason I fell forward and fell out of balance, just in time after Su-bin to cross the finish line.
Since he was shocked to see I appeared in front of him out of nowhere, his hands immediately caught me and we both fell to the ground.
“Isla,” I heard him call me. “Are you okay?”
I opened up my eyes and saw him looking worriedly at me, with his hands supporting the back of my head and the back of my waists while we were both still lying on the ground.
I nodded at him before he immediately got up and helped me to get on his back. We were approached by the others.
“Isla. Oh my goodness, are you alright?” Lav asked as she tried caressing my hand that was wrapped around Su-bin’s neck and shoulders.
Before I could even respond to her question, Su-bin was the one who got to do it. “I’m going to bring her to the infirmary.”
“How about the medals?” Lav asked him.
“Can you receive it for me, Min-hyuk?” Su-bin asked him and Min-hyuk nodded at him.
After the unexpected commotion, Su-bin and I ended up inside the infirmary, caught in a very awkward atmosphere after the nurse was done checking on me.
“How are you feeling? Did your hips hurt that badly?” I glanced at Su-bin after hearing him speak to me.
“It still hurts, but not that much.”
“Okay…”
For a few minutes of awkward silence, all we could hear was our breathing.
“I’m sorry–” We both looked at each other upon saying the same words in unison.
Su-bin cleared his throat. “You go first.”
“No, you can go first.”
“It’s okay–”
“Su-bin,” I called his attention. “I know you have something more important to tell me.”
He stared at me for a while before taking a breather.
“I was thinking of… giving you up,” he said after letting out a sigh.
Is he talking about his decision to stop courting me?
“May I ask why?” I asked.
He continued to stare at me for a few seconds before looking away. “I just….”
He sighed again. It must be hard for him to let go of something he doesn’t even want to do.
“It’s alright. You can tell me,” I said. “I don’t care if you get angry at me.”
He shook my head before looking at me again, giving me a forced smile despite having so much sadness seen from his eyes.
“What is it you want to tell me?” He suddenly changed the topic.
It took me a while to respond to his question. I guess he doesn’t want to tell me what he really feels. And I respect that.
“Not being able to feel how much your love has been for me feels like being in the darkness on my own,” I told him. “Maybe that's the reason why I was afraid of looking directly at you.”
Su-bin remained speechless while looking and listening to what I was telling him.
"When there are moments I tell myself I cannot do some things, I am still able to do it. And that was probably because of you," I continued. "You were always there by my side."
"Isla…" I heard him say my name.
I quickly grabbed his hands, holding them tightly as I looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. I'm sorry for making you mad and jealous."
Tears started pouring out of my eyes as I sniffled. Then, Su-bin slowly and gently pulled me into a tight hug as he caressed the back of my head.
After trying to calm me down, we broke our hugs before he gently wiped the tears from my cheeks. He smiled at me again. I mean the Su-bin I knew before was back, so I smiled at him too.
"So…" I stammered. "W-What are we now?"
"What do you mean?" His voice sounded as if he was teasing me.
"You already know what I mean," I pouted shyly as I looked away from him.
"I don't know what you mean," he continued teasing with a smile.
I looked back at him and glared before playfully hitting him on the arm. He caught my hands and held them gently, caressing the other side of my palms.
I remained to look at him and saw how he cautiously looked around the infirmary, mostly to the door behind him. Then, he looked back at me.
"Close your eyes."
I couldn't help but smile with guilt before closing my eyes at his command. Slowly, I started to feel a presence coming close to my face, and soon Su-bin's soft lips touched mine as his fingers naturally stroked my arm.
I feel so safe whenever I'm with him.