*Seaon's P.O.V.*
When I came to the Philippines, I made an excuse to see my nephew Shawn so that my brother would take me in, before I told him the real agenda of my visit. I came here to escape from the chaotic life that's building up there in Tennessee, with my father being back to the picture and my sisters involving themselves with illegal transactions. But of course, tranquility is never easy to find nor to achieve. I found serenity in the ambiance of this new country only for a short time though, because my refuge apparently holds a different kind of choas that if I were to weigh, is actually almost as heavy as the ones there back at home. So, I ran away again and I thought I actually escaped the phantoms however, I don't think that is actually the case.
But, it is not at all contrary though because my life had been pretty normal. Or so, I'd like to believe. The way Jovie's grandmother had described me during that single time that I ever dared to visit their house is still resounding in my head every once in awhile but then again, I didn't mind it so much. It's also a good thing that Master Cheng is just nearly because everytime that I want to get my mind off things, I can go and spar with him. Yes, I've resumed with my martial arts training and I've never been more happy. Of course I don't have my other training buddies now but I feel more heartwarmed that the master and I have a more focused training with each other. I felt a lot closer to him and this feeling of being close to being at home that only martial arts could make me feel is becoming stronger. But I've always wondered why that is though. None of my family members are interested in martial arts, not even Sean who is also treated by Master Cheng like a son. Well, none of those that I know actually, which made my mind drift to my mother. Perhaps she's interested in martial arts too and that, I got this from her? The thought just made me smile as I stared out the window, facing north but the adjacent building's wall. Yeah, so much for the view.
I mean, I have two windows in my room, one faces the wall, while the other faces the busy street. And tonight, I opted to close the latter because of the unclean air that those transportations emit. I can't seem to bring myself to close my eyes and just sleep though. Because that's when the phantoms wake up and bring in a place where escape is impossible. Yes, I'm talking about nightmares. And I've been having them a lot more often after my twentieth birthday. I mean, once or twice a week is quite frequent already, right? At first, they were just random places or unclear figures until recently, they became more focused. Yes, recently, I mean about four months after my birthday. That long.
The very first clear nightmare that I had, started with me being in a meadow. It is not a meadow that I'm familiar with though. However, its orientation is very familiar as it is surrounded entirely by a dark looking forest. I took a deep breath and turned to a 360° circle to inspect the place and eventually started walking towards a path that I saw along the thick forest. Before I could even set a foot on it, the trees moved as if they were blown by a harsh wind, forming a tornado, with the clearing as its eye. I hurriedly stepped back and made my way back to the center because fiercely large whirlwind is closing in. I don't know what to feel at that time. Maybe because my emotions are wrecked like the trees in the forest. There's fear and uncertainty. There's also a strong wanting to escape from whatever this is that's going on around me but escaping is impossible in this circumstances. There I stood at the exact center of a tornado, defenseless. So, I just shut my eyes closed, waiting for its harsh winds to swallow me as it swallowed the trees, or perhaps, waiting for someone to wake me up.
But neither of those happened. The harsh rustling around me seemed to seize and I slowly opened my eyes, hoping that I'd found myself in my room however, I didn't see the clear walls and the white ceilings in it. I didn't even see the turmoiled forest. I only saw blue. Or is it, blue-green? Azure. That's the right name of the color. It is as if an Azure wall had protected me from the tornado. I stepped back a bit to get a good look at it but when I did, my back bumped into something scaly and I swiftly turned to see the same Azure, scaly walls that nosw moved! Oh my gosh! That's not a wall! It's a gigantic animal! It uncoiled itself around me and I screamed as I got to recognize what it is.
It's a dragon! I can't be mistaken. Although dragons are said to have perished centuries ago, it looks just like the depictions that one can see in televisions and comic books. However, this one is not artistically or graphically made, it's alive! And its red eyes is glaring right at me now. I ran. That's the only logical thing to do at the moment. I ran although, judging by its size, I know that the animal can easily gain up on me but I still did and was surprised to see that the forest had actually disappeared, leaving an endless clearing. I can hear heavy tumps behind me, indicating that the dragon had followed and not long after, its gigantic figure leaped over me and I have to frantically stop as it landed right in front of me with a mighty roar. My heart raced as an aftermath of my running and I just wish my feet would've moved as fast as it did but somehow I was frozen. The drago stalked towards me like a hungry predator and I felt like a helpless prey.
"I hate it when you grew up and strayed yourself from your destiny Wu Xia." It spoke! Gosh, please just wake me up now. "But of course, you wouldn't have been able to connect with me if you didn't."
"I-I am not Wu X-xia..." I shakily let out as it continued to circle around me. Its azure color not at all very comforting.
It let out a strangled chuckle before it spoke again. "And I'm not real!" I screamed again as it finally came at me. I thought I was dead by the time I opened my eyes. However, I found myself in my room and I had dashed outside then, comforted to see mama cooking in the kitchen. She had asked me what happened and I just said a silly excuse of forgetting that it was Saturday and all.
Okay, so if that dragon wasn't spooky enough, this second nightmare seems more hell-bent. I had it about a week after that dragon nightmare although it didn't start with me seeing my surroundings. It started with an uncomfortable hot sensation all over my body. I tossed my blanket away but I realized that I didn't have any. I tried to open my eyes to see what's going on but I can't. So I kept tossing and turning, trying to get rid of this burning feeling. For sure, I don't have a fever and if I can remember correctly, I didn't do anything that could possibly trigger it. So, why do I feel this way? Then a loud tweet pierced my ears and finally I was able to open my eyes to see flames surrounding me. I hurriedly stood up, thinking that the apartment is on fire but I soon realized that, I'm not really in the apartment. I'm in a place that's literally on fire. Somewhere like, hell itself. I gritted my teeth, trying to find an escape route but I couldn't. The other small stone islands are too far away for me to leap to and swimming on that hot lava is not an option either. Just as the thought of death came rushing on my mind, a bird's call pierced through my ears again and a flaming bird emerged from the lava pit and started circling me. If I wasn't in a hellish environment, I'd be amazed by its beauty however, its eyes are as fiercely red as its flaming body and I'm immediately shaken as it heavily landed on the stone island that I found refuge on. I moved back, creating as much distance as I can.
"Xia..." I was surprised at the softness of its voice, almost calming down the panic inside of me, almost. "Why are you afraid of your own desires?" It asked as it waddled towards me.
"I am not Xia!" I responded. This is the third time that I've been called Xia by the creatures in my dream and I'm tempted to ask my brother if he ever knew a Wu Xia, cause I really am annoyed right now.
Its eyes burned and it didn't say a word as it flapped its huge wings and took off on air as its claws grabbed me. I screamed, scared and my fear just intensified when it dropped me right into the center of the lava pit. But of course, I didn't die. I woke up, soaked in sweat.
A week after that, there came another nightmare but it was more like a memory. I found myself staring at the dirty white ceiling when I opened my eyes and when I turned to the side, I'm surprised to see my old room in Tennessee. The one I've stayed in when I was a child. At first, confusion made my forehead crease as I got out of my little bed, I wondered if this is real. Cause it feels so real. My eyes landed on the framed photo sitting on my bedside table and a smile crept to my lips. It's a photo of little me and my big brother Sean. He was giving me a piggy back and we both have wide smiles painted on our faces. But what is it doing here? I'm sure when I moved out that this is the very first thing that I placed in my bag.
Then there was a loud bang. A sound I'm so familiar with, but even its familiarity frights me all the time. I know by heart that it's my father, swinging the front door open and banging it shut. Then there came a crashing noise and a drunken shout from downstairs, confirming my suspicion. I took a deep breath as my feet walked on their own, tracing the steps that I took when I was a toddler, everytime I would hear my father come home. I crept down the hall, making sure not to make too much noise and hid myself behind the banister as I watched dad slump himself on the coach. Yes, he always comes home drunk. There wasn't a day that I didn't see him drunk. Sean just told me to stay away from him when he's at that state but, I'm quite hardheaded. After observing my father for how many minutes, I noticed his shoulders shaking and then heard sobs coming from him. Is he crying? My heart clenched at the thought and I descended the stairs. He doesn't seem to notice though because he didn't stop crying even as I stood in front of him.
"D-dad?" I was surprised to hear how young my voice sounded and dad was surprised to see me there too. But the expression of surprise in his tear striked face immediately turned to a hard one.
"What?" He screamed harshly in my face, his alcoholic breath lingering in the air and I flinched. "What do you want? You already took so much from me. If it wasn't for you, she'd still be alive!" He's now standing up, a lot taller than me and that's when I realized that I am in my younger self's body. Then his big palms clasped on my little shoulders as he spoke again, more fiercely than earlier. "Your mother died because of you! I never wanted you! You should've been the one who died! Not her! Not her! Get out of here! Out!" He screamed as he pushed me to the floor. I knew that what hurts more was his harsh words compared to his harsh actions. So with tears streaming down my face, I ran.
I ran to the only room in this house that I felt safe in. To my brother's room, hoping that he's in there and that he would welcome me with a comforting hug. This isn't the first time that dad blamed me for mom's death, in fact he had always blamed me. Of course she died on the day that I was born and well, you get the picture. He doesn't have to remind me all the time though, because I am well aware of that, it's just that, it doesn't hurt less everytime. With a heavy heart, I opened my brother's room and halted for a minute because of its emptiness. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I roamed my eyes on the dark room. The only thing that I can make out there is a pile of things covered in white cloth. I don't understand because my brother had always been in his room when he leaves the door open, so where is he now?
"Sean? Sean?" I called out but my voice just echoed in the almost empty room. I strode deeper unto his room and that's when I noticed that pile of things move. It shifted altogether and I screamed when I saw red eyes staring right at me. That wasn't a pile of things apparently, that was a monster! A tiger, or so I could tell that it is by the outline of its form. It leapt right at my smaller frame, knocking me on my back as it used its front paws to pin me down by the shoulders. It growled and I felt really terrified.
"True comfort would never be found outside Xia. Never ." It said as it bared its canines. After that, I shot up from my sleep and hastily ran to my brother's room in our apartment. I vigorously knocked on his door, thinking that, that tiger could've taken him and it was his wife who opened the door.
"Are you alright dear?" Eden had asked as Sean peeked behind her, giving me a worried look.
I exhaled a good amount of air when I saw that they're perfectly fine and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep. I was just having a nightmare." I said with my head hanging low.
Yeah, you see now? My paranoia is back again. And what the hell is the matter with that "Xia" name that those monsters have been calling me? I really don't know. So, another week after that, I had a bit of an afternoon nap on a Sunday after a quick spar with Master Cheng and yes, another kind of monster visited my dreams. This one started with me walking on the training grounds, leisurely basking on its quietness when suddenly, a hooded figure appeared from the corner. He's covered in an all black armor and yes, I can tell that it's a he became of his physique. He carried with him two swords dangling on his back and he folded his palms together and bowed right in front of me. That's a martial arts language that translates to, "let's duel" and I found myself responding to his challenge. From my perepherals, I spotted one of Master Cheng's swords laying on the counter and snatched it up. When I looked back to the warrior in black, he already got both of his swords out. We vigilantly circled each other, both preparing for the other's attack. I followed in on his every step and when he crossed his right foot behind his left with the latter pointing on my director, I knew that he's gonna make his move and I was not mistaken. He charged towards me and I easily interjected. For how many minutes you can only hear metals clanking as we fought back and forth with our weapons.
He's a good fighter. I must say, it's been a long time time since I felt this pumped up with a real sword and I'm quite enjoying it. Until finally, I managed to make him loose his grip on his weapons and knocked him on the ground. I pointed the tip of my sword at his neck and spoke. "Who are you?" A question I've been meaning to ask earlier, had not been for his fine martial arts performance.
"Do you mean to ask that? Do you not wanna know who you are?" I stopped at his question and he took this opportunity to catch me off guard and somehow switch our positions. He's now pointing the tip of my weapon on my neck. "Wu Xia..." When he said that, I saw red eyes glare from his hooded face, the swords that he once used to duel with me, flew towards him as if he's got some sort of magnet. It clung to his shoulders, wobbled and transformed into snakes! The man himself transformed into something like a turtle, a turtle snake! It charged towards me and this time, I actually fought it back. I quickly picked up the sword that fell on the ground and slashed the snakes that threatened to prick their venomous bite on me and I kicked on the turtle's body that advanced towards me. I was going to slash it another whoosh of my sword but I was shaken awake by Master Cheng.
"Are you alright?" He asked, sitting beside me.
"Yes, yes."
You see now why I don't want to sleep? But of course my eyelids are getting heavier by the minutes that passed and soon enough, sleep pulled me in on the inescapable dungeons of my own paranoia.
"Season?" I opened my eyes when a woman's voice called me out. When I did, I found myself staring at the colorful mountains that I saw in my dream, months ago during my birthday. I looked around and noticed a woman dressed in green, red, white, and black layered dress, looking at the colorful mountains too. Her hair is silky black and it is tied in a high bun, looking at her closely, I can tell that she's regal. But I don't know her.
"Who are you?" I asked, glad that I can use my voice. Cause the last time that I was here, I wasn't able to use it.
She bowed her head as if ashamed as she answered. "I may or may not be the person that they mistake you to be." She answered, then she looked away. It's as if she doesn't really want me to see her entire face.
"What does that supposed to mean?" I asked and she turned her back to me, beckoning me to follow her. I did and she led me in front of a huge caldron. The hairs at the back of neck started rising as I saw the dolls surrounding the caldron. She took one with red hair and green eyes and my body ran cold at how much it closely represents myself. She dipped it on the clear water and it turned green, then purple, then dark red. My eyes widened as I felt like deja vu just struck me and I backed away in horror.
"I'm sorry..."
"Ahhh what's the matter with me!?" I screamed in frustration as I recalled those dreams the next day, including the newest addition. Damn. Thing are just getting out of hand. I think I should really see a doctor now. A psychologist even. Perhaps I should just turn myself in the mental hospital.
"Frustrated?" That's my brother.
"Yes. Care to take me to a vacation or something. It's already the semestral break.
"Glad you can still read my mind sis." He smiled and I just raised a brow at him. "I was thinking of going back to Capiz for just a week. Not at home though, on the resort and I invited Master Cheng Dong to come with us." He announced optimistically.
Right. The resort. The same one where I was attacked by a siyokoy and a tikbalang. But of course he doesn't know that. "Uhh..."
"I know what you're thinking but you don't have to be afraid. You are protected by the amulet now. It's been a while anyway. For sure those mythical creatures probably doesn't remember you now." He pointed out.
At what he said, I felt a sudden constriction in my chest. Maybe because I don't know... Did I want them to forget me? Maybe not, I didn't want a certain someone to forget me. Because honestly, I haven't forgotten about him. But nonetheless, I agreed hoping that somehow this unwinding that my brother has to offer would actually work well for me. Hopefully.