EIGHTEENTH
CHARLIE
I can't sleep. Jack is beside me, his breathing heavy.
I just found out that he hadn't taken his prescription for depression for weeks; he didn't want me to see that he took pills.
I didn't know. I didn't know!
The night stretched on endlessly, the faint glow of the moon casting shadows across the room. Jack lay beside me, his breathing steady yet somehow weighted with a quiet turmoil that echoed my own restless thoughts. I couldn't shake the revelation that he had been hiding his struggle with depression from me, foregoing his medication in an attempt to shield me from worry. How could I have missed the signs? How could I not have known?
I watched him sleep, his features softened in the dim light, the lines of exhaustion etched into his face. Guilt gnawed at me—a gnawing ache that mirrored the pain he must have endured alone. The weight of his silence pressed down on me, a heavy burden of realization that he had carried this secret, this battle, without me by his side.
Carefully, so as not to disturb him, I reached out to touch his hand, seeking solace in the warmth of his skin. He stirred slightly, eyelids fluttering open to reveal eyes clouded with weariness and a vulnerability that tore at my heart.
"Charlie..." His voice was a whisper, fragile and filled with unspoken words.
"I'm here, Jack," I murmured, my throat tight with emotion. "I wish you had told me."
He turned to face me, his gaze searching mine. "I didn't want you to worry," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I thought I could handle it on my own."
Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring the sight of him before me. "You don't have to handle it alone, Jack. I'm here. I want to be here for you."
He reached out, brushing a tear from my cheek with a gentle touch. "I know," he murmured. "I'm sorry I shut you out."
The weight of his apology hung in the air between us, heavy with the weight of missed chances and unspoken fears. "Promise me," I whispered, my voice trembling. "Promise me you won't do this again. Promise me you'll let me help you."
His hand tightened around mine, a silent vow in the darkness. "I promise, Charlie. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"I love you, Jack," I confessed, the words tumbling out with a raw intensity. "Even when we were talking online, I knew deep down that I... I love you."
He pulled me closer, enfolding me in his arms, his touch grounding me in the midst of swirling emotions. "I love you too," he whispered against my hair, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry I've been so distant."
I stared at him, my heart racing, my mind reeling with a mix of love and disbelief. And then he gently smiled, his eyes searching mine with tenderness.
Before I could speak, he leaned in and kissed me.
I gasped in surprise, my body responding instinctively as I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back with a hunger born of longing and unspoken desire. The warmth of his lips against mine sent a rush of electricity through me, dispelling any doubts and fears that lingered in the shadows of our shared turmoil.
In that moment, in the quiet embrace of the night, our kiss spoke volumes of the love we had found amidst the challenges we faced.
The night continued its slow march, the moon slipping across the sky as Jack and I held each other in the stillness of our shared vulnerability. His lips against mine were a balm, a reassurance that despite the shadows that had threatened to engulf us, we could find solace in each other's embrace.
As we parted, our breaths mingling in the space between us, I rested my forehead against his, savoring the closeness that had eluded us during his absence. "I missed you," I whispered, the words a confession of longing and relief.
"I missed you too, Charlie," he murmured, his voice filled with an ache that mirrored my own. "I'm sorry I kept this from you."
I held him tighter, my fingers tracing the contours of his face as if to reassure myself that he was truly here. "We'll get through this together," I vowed, the weight of my promise buoyed by the fierce determination in my heart.
Jack nodded, his eyes locked with mine, a silent understanding passing between us. For a while, we lay in silence, the rhythm of our breathing the only sound in the room. The weight of the night began to lift, replaced by a tentative hope that whispered promises of tomorrow.
But as dawn approached, a knot of uncertainty tightened in my chest. I reached for my phone, the screen casting a soft glow in the dim light. With trembling fingers, I dialed Eddie's number, needing to share the news that Jack was safe, but also grappling with the enormity of what we had faced.
The phone rang once, twice, before Eddie's voice broke through the silence. "Charlie?"
"Eddie," I breathed, relief flooding my voice. "I found him. He's here with me."
There was a pause on the other end, followed by a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank God," Eddie muttered, his voice thick with emotion. "I've been worried sick. Is he okay?"
"He's here," I repeated, glancing at Jack beside me, his eyes watching me with a mix of gratitude and remorse. "He's okay, Eddie. We're okay."
"I'll come over," Eddie promised, his tone firm. "We need to talk."
I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Thank you, Eddie. For everything."
"Just take care of each other," Eddie replied softly before ending the call.
Setting the phone aside, I turned back to Jack, my heart heavy with the knowledge of the challenges ahead. "Eddie's coming over," I informed him gently, brushing a stray strand of hair from his forehead.
Jack nodded, his fingers lacing with mine as if seeking reassurance in our fragile connection. "I'm sorry, Charlie," he whispered, the weight of his words a testament to the pain he had carried alone.
"We'll figure it out," I assured him, leaning in to press a tender kiss to his lips. "Together."
He nodded again, his eyes closing briefly as if to hold onto the moment before us. "I love you," he murmured against my lips, the words a vow and a plea.
"I love you too," I replied, my voice trembling with emotion.
The first light of dawn began to filter into the room, casting a soft glow over us. We lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, holding onto the fragile promise of a new beginning. The warmth of his body against mine, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, it all brought a sense of calm that had eluded me for weeks.
Jack's hand moved gently over my back, a soothing motion that spoke of his need for connection and reassurance. "I was so scared," he admitted softly, his voice breaking the silence. "Scared you'd think less of me if you knew how bad it was."
"Jack, you have to know that's not true," I replied, my voice filled with a fierce conviction. "I could never think less of you. If anything, knowing what you've been through makes me love you even more."
He sighed, a deep, shuddering breath that seemed to release some of the tension he'd been holding. "It's hard, Charlie. Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning, and I can't see a way out."
I held him tighter, my heart aching for the pain he had been carrying alone. "You're not alone, Jack. You have me, and you have Eddie. We're here for you, every step of the way."
His eyes met mine, and in that moment, I saw the depth of his struggle, but also a flicker of hope. "Thank you," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Thank you for not giving up on me."
"Never," I promised, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "We're in this together."
As the sun rose higher, filling the room with a warm, golden light, there was a knock on the door. Jack tensed slightly, but I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before getting up to answer it. Eddie stood there, his face etched with concern and relief as he saw us.
"Charlie," he greeted, his voice a mixture of relief and worry. "How's he doing?"
"He's here," I replied, stepping aside to let him in. "We're taking it one step at a time."
Eddie nodded, his gaze shifting to Jack, who sat up, looking a little more composed but still fragile. "Hey, Jack," Eddie said softly, crossing the room to sit beside him. "It's good to see you."
Jack managed a small smile. "Thanks, Eddie. I'm sorry for making you worry."
Eddie shook his head. "Don't apologize. I'm just glad you're okay."
We sat together, the three of us, the weight of the past few weeks hanging in the air. Eddie's presence brought a sense of stability, a reminder that we weren't alone in this battle.
"Jack, we need to talk about what comes next," Eddie began gently, his tone serious but compassionate. "You need support, professional help to get through this."
Jack nodded, his expression somber. "I know. I can't do this alone."
"And you don't have to," I added, taking his hand in mine. "We'll find the right help, and we'll get through this together."
Eddie leaned forward, his eyes earnest. "There are good therapists, support groups. We can find someone who understands what you're going through."
Jack's grip on my hand tightened, a silent plea for strength. "I
want to get better," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "For you, Charlie. For us."
My heart swelled with love and determination. "We will, Jack. We'll find a way."
Eddie stayed with us for a while, discussing options and making plans. The room was filled with a sense of purpose, a resolve to face the challenges ahead together.
As the morning wore on, Eddie finally stood to leave, giving us both a hug. "Call me if you need anything," he said, his voice filled with sincerity. "We'll get through this."
After Eddie left, Jack and I sat in silence for a moment, the enormity of the journey ahead settling in. But there was also a sense of hope, a belief that we could find our way through the darkness.
Jack turned to me, his eyes filled with a mixture of gratitude and love. "Thank you, Charlie. For everything."
I cupped his face in my hands, my heart full of unwavering commitment. "We'll take it one day at a time, Jack. And we'll get through it. Together."
He nodded, his eyes closing briefly as if to hold onto the moment. "I love you," he murmured against my lips, the words a vow and a plea.
"I love you too," I replied, my voice trembling with emotion.
And so, as the night ebbed into dawn and the first light of a new day bathed us in its gentle glow, we clung to each other, our hearts intertwined in a promise of love, hope, and unwavering support.
****