Present…



On the bench beside the river overlooking a bridge, there was a man with blonde hair sitting on it. The place was familiar to Karl, as this was the place where Sam died. He didn’t want to visit this place because he didn’t want to remember what happened to Sam. But he didn’t have any choice. He has to meet the man who's at the bottom of everything.

Karl slowly approached the man, thinking about a hundred ways to make him feel the same pain he incurred to Andrew, to Andrew’s friends, and their vice-captain.

He felt like his vision was getting blurry with every step he took. But as he got nearer to him, he saw a man gazing at the river with eyes as if he was in pain as much as he did, or even worse than that.

The man noticed him and stared at Karl anxiously. “Karl?” the man asked.

“A-Allen…” Karl responded as he gazed at him. He was not expecting what he would see. He is not the person Karl pictured out of those stories he heard.

Allen’s physique was just the same as their captain, but much taller. He looked strong. But somehow, there’s something about him that doesn’t fit with what he expected him to be.

Allen then smiled at him. He tapped the space beside him, asking Karl to sit. Karl willingly obliged and sat beside him as if the man next to him was not a murderer. His body was too comfortable for someone who has a grudge. Karl couldn’t understand himself. He shouldn’t be doing this, he thought. But even if he didn’t want to, his body felt relaxed, as if his instinct was telling him that Allen wasn’t a dangerous person.

“Do you really know Andrew that well?” Allen spoke after a long period of silence.

Karl stared at him. Allen was staring at the river in front of them.

“I… I know you killed-”

“Do you still believe that?”

Karl was taken aback. He suddenly thought of the things he was thinking about earlier in the funeral hall. Everything just doesn’t make sense nor even matches up with one another. He started having doubts about Andrew’s actions.

But he’s Andrew’s boyfriend. He should side with him. He was just possibly trying to be manipulated by Allen; he insisted to himself. He doesn’t know him personally, and he knows nothing about him aside from what Andrew has been telling him. Believing him was the least Karl wanted to do.

“I believe in Andrew. And you… I… I’ll be turning you into the police,” Karl muttered as he pulled out his phone and started pressing on it.

“Your vice-captain’s funeral won’t be the last funeral you’ll be attending if you don’t listen to me.”

Karl suddenly felt his blood boiling up. He abruptly stood up from his seat and grabbed Allen by his collar. He gritted his teeth and glared at him.

“Won't you stop!? Isn't it enough that you killed Lev, Ralph, Emman, and now Sam?! Do you want to kill me as well?! Will you stop if you finally kill me? Go ahead! Kill me!” Karl shouted in his face.

Allen stared at his mad expression. He’s used to this already. The first time he received that resentful look was from Ralph’s mother, who had to be hospitalized. And then he saw the same expression from the family of Lev, Emman’s grandparents, and from Andrew’s teammates. All of that, he accepted. He accepted their hatred towards him. But when he saw Andrew’s cold and resentful expression towards him when the latter learned he killed Emman, it made his chest hurt like hell. Being loathed by someone he loves the most was too painful. But he couldn’t do anything but accept Andrew’s hatred. Because it was all for him. It was all to protect Andrew.

And now that he’s seeing the same expression he received years ago. The thing he felt the most is a pity.

“Do you want to know the truth?” Allen asked.

“What are you talking about?! I know the truth!” Karl shouted.

“No, you don’t,” Allen responded, pulling Karl’s hands from his collar. He slid his hand into his pocket and fished out a piece of paper. He then handed it to Karl.

Karl hesitantly took it and stared at the paper. An address was written on it.

“Don’t show up to Andrew or even contact him. Come to that place after three days and meet me. I will let you know the truth from Andrew himself,” Allen muttered in a serious tone of voice.

“Do you think I’ll let you meet him?! There’s no fucking way I’ll let you!” Karl scowled. He didn't want Andrew to see Allen again. There’s no way he’ll allow that.

“What? Do you think I’ll hurt him?” Allen frowned. “If anything happens, your priority is Andrew. You should save him,” he added. He then turned his back away from Karl. “You should do what I ask you if you don’t want anyone to get hurt again.”

Allen trudged, leaving Karl confused.



Karl didn’t want to follow what Allen had instructed him to do. Andrew needed him the most, and he didn’t want to leave him without saying a word. Despite that, at the back of his mind, he wanted to learn about the truth. The truth that Andrew might have hidden from him. He contemplated for a long time and here he is now, hiding in a room as Allen instructed him to. He was inside a dark room in an abandoned warehouse, while Allen was sitting on a chair outside, waiting for Andrew to show up.

He felt stupid for following Allen. Andrew needed him, yet here he was, doubting him. As he waited patiently, his heart raced as he heard Andrew’s voice. He heard him yelled at Allen as he was asking about his whereabouts.

He wanted to go out from that dark room and show up to Andrew. He wanted to apologize for doing this stupid thing. He was about to stand from the chair he’s sitting on when he heard Allen’s words.

“I told him everything.”

“Did you… tell him?”

“He won’t come back, Andrew. Do you think he’ll still go back now that he learns the truth?”

Karl froze in his place. Did Andrew really hide something from him? He felt his head spinning. He could no longer hear what they were talking about. He then heard Andrew’s sobs. His heart aches every time he hears Andrew crying. He doesn’t want him to get hurt.

He then stood up. He felt like staying and waiting inside that room will make him go insane. He gripped the doorknob of the door and turned it. As the door opened slowly, he heard an unfamiliar voice. It sounded recorded. He stopped from where he was standing and listened to it intently. He realized that the voices from it were from Allen and Emman.

As soon as the recorder stopped playing, he then felt his heart sank deeply. He didn't realize the tears that had fallen from his eyes. He can’t breathe as if something had stuck in his chest. He then fell to his knees as he sobbed. It was as if his chest was being torn down into pieces. Even if he hurt himself, the pain would still be incomparable from the pain he's feeling.

He then heard someone running out of the door. He pondered who it was. His mind was still trying to face the reality that the person he loves the most was the actual culprit who killed Sam and their friends. He’s still grasping the thought, and he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He forced himself to stand, even though he could not feel his legs. He finally opened the door in front of him and, from a distance, he saw Allen lying on the floor as if he was in great pain.

He immediately ran towards Allen. And when he got close to him, he saw lots of blood gushing from Allen’s side. He realized Allen was stabbed. He knelt beside him and gripped his wounded side. His mind panicked.

“A-Allen—w-wh-” he spoke. His hands were shaking from Allen’s side as he tried to push his hands on it.

“K-Karl… P-Please…” Allen stuttered as he tried to speak. “S-Save Andrew, please… L-Leave me,” he went on as blood spluttered from his mouth as he spoke.

“N-No! I-I can’t leave you. You’re wounded!” Karl shouted.

“Karl!” Allen shouted as loud as he could. “I-I told you, right? N-No matter w-what happens, s-save… save Andrew…”

Karl didn’t want to leave him, but he was right. He’s Andrew’s boyfriend. He should be with him. He then pulled out his phone from his pocket and called the emergency hotline.

After he informed the authorities, he then stared at Allen. “I… I’m going to follow him. Please stay alive.”

“Go…” Allen urged. Karl then started running as fast as he could.

“Where did he go?” Karl muttered under his breath as he ran. Andrew is known for being a fast runner. He realized Andrew must have gone far already.

He also could not think straight. He was still trying to fathom everything.

“Where are you, Andrew?!” he shouted.

His legs were trembling. He felt mad. He could not understand what he's feeling.

‘Why do I have to go through this?’

As his mind went blank, he remembered Emman's voice from the recorded tape. That was the first time he heard him. Emman’s voice was too painful to hear. He bet they’re feeling the same thing right now.

“Emman…” he muttered as he gathered all his strength.

He doesn’t know if he’s right, but he’s Andrew’s boyfriend. Even though Andrew hid something from him, he knew it was just part of Andrew's personality that he didn't want to share with him. But everything Andrew had shared and everything he knew about Andrew except his dark personality, he knew those were all true. He might not know everything about Andrew as much as Allen and Emman did, but he felt like he knew the place Andrew would go to.

He immediately boarded a cab and after fifteen minutes, he arrived at a location he didn’t know he’ll visit. He didn’t know where exactly it was. He just knew that Emman was buried in this cemetery. He started looking everywhere. He felt like his strength was about to drain as he ran and stumbled on heavy rain. There are a lot of tombs to look for. He started doubting himself. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Andrew was not in this place after all. As he felt his legs were about to give up, he glimpsed a man wearing a black hoodie. He immediately recognized who it was. The man was kneeling in front of a tomb.

“A-Andrew…”

With the last bit of strength, he rushed in the man’s direction.

As he got nearer, he saw Andrew holding a knife, pointing at the latter’s chest. Through an adrenaline rush, he ran as fast as he could to reach him. Before the knife could even pierce Andrew’s chest, he immediately grabbed Andrew’s arm, making the knife fell onto the grass.

Andrew stared at him, trembling. Even in this heavy rain, Karl knew Andrew was crying.

“K-Karl…”

Karl felt his heart sank. Despite learning about the truth, he’s still madly in love with him. His chest hurt a million times more, now that he’s staring at Andrew. He pulled Andrew’s arm and wrapped him in his arms as tight as he could.

"What the fuck were you trying to do, Andrew?!" he shouted. If he was a second late, Andrew could have killed himself.

Andrew then started sobbing loudly. The sound was too painful to hear. It felt like a hammer thumping against Karl’s chest.
"W-What have I done, Karl? I-I deserve to die... I want to die," Andrew muttered wobbly as he cried on Karl’s chest.
Every word pierced Karl’s heart. It hurt so much. He wanted to tell him, It’s okay, that he’s here. He wanted to tell him those words. But he couldn’t bring himself to say those comforting words anymore. Because everything that happened was not alright and even if he’s here, it won’t change anything.
"You don’t deserve to die!" Those are the words that came out of his mouth.
He remembered Mrs. Eseguerra. She was a loving mother who treated them kindly, who had treated Andrew like her own child. He remembered her face and how painful it must have been to lose a child. He then remembered Emman’s painful voice, who had to die because of guilt and to save Andrew. He remembered Nelson and the rest, who are still suffering from the loss of their friends. It was still hard for them, even if they laughed and smiled like that. And then he remembered Sam... He was the nicest person he ever met. And yet...

"K-Karl..."
"You don’t deserve to die right now, Andrew," Karl muttered with an orotund voice. He pulled himself from Andrew, gripping his shoulders. He then stared at him. "You are just running away, Andrew. Those people who have to wake themselves up every day and feel the loss of someone, the pain they’ve felt, and the pain they’re still going through right now, you need to wake up every day and go through the same thing. You need to live and be reminded of all the things you have done. And you’ll do it for the rest of your life, Andrew. That’s the proper way to atone for your sins. Killing yourself right now will just stop you from feeling the same pain they have. You don’t deserve it."
Each of his words was like a sharp blade cutting through his chest. He didn't want to say anything hurtful to Andrew. But he doesn’t want to be Emman or Allen, who chose a different path just to run away and save Andrew. He wants to protect the humane side of him, for Andrew to atone for his sins. And at the same time... he doesn’t want to lose him either.
"I-I’m... I’m sorry... I don’t want to be like Dad... But I... I was..." He muttered in a brittle tone of voice. He gripped his hoodie on his chest and clenched it. He then cried as loud as he could, shuddering in his place. "I’m sorry, Karl... I-I’m sorry."
Karl wrapped him once more in his arms. It might be the last time he could hold him like this.
A few cars of police officers came, and they arrested Andrew. As he was being chained, he stared at Karl.
"Do you still love me?" Andrew asked.
Karl wanted to answer, but Andrew’s eyes were telling him not to. Andrew then smiled at him for the last time. He then turned his back, strolling away from Karl. As he saw Andrew getting farther and farther away from him, he muttered the words; I love you. Then his legs finally gave in and fell onto the grass.
"W-What am I going to do now?"
As he asked himself, he saw the knife in front of him. He reached and stared at it.
"I-I’m mad at you... But... I can’t live without you, Andrew. It hurts. I-I’m exhausted," he muttered. Everything that happened came rushing through his mind once more. Andrew is his world, but now he’s gone.

"Don’t do it. Don’t end up like me, Karl."

He suddenly heard a disembodied voice, a familiar voice which he heard once. He realized the knife he was holding was about to cut on his wrist. He then turned to look at the tomb. It was his tomb, Emman’s tomb. The knife then fell from his hands. He rested his hands on the grass as he touched Emman’s tomb with his head. His tears fell from his eyes and as loud as he could, he cried... And cried... And cried...