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Yixing opened his eyes as the alarm went off on the nightstand. 
He sat on the bed's tip side, took the remote from beneath the pillow, and hit one of the buttons. The window curtains on both sides of the bedroom automatically opened seconds later. He sat peacefully, with his elbows slightly bent over his thighs. It was Wednesday, and he'd barely slept since returning from Shanghai. There were so many things racing within his thoughts, things he hadn't considered before but had suddenly become a cyclone that invaded his mental space. And this concerned him, especially after he realized he had made an unacceptable mistake.
He had to acknowledge Jisoo was one of a kind. Her narrative was unique, as was she.She was not the easy-to-guess type of woman that he had met and dated; at one point, she was very relaxed and threw out her typical joke, which Yixing was sure not everyone could understand. Jisoo had a slightly unique sense of humor, which was obvious, and it could have been influenced by the more experience she had than other women her age. Jisoo seemed much more approachable that way. At other times, she could be quite introverted, as if she had created an invisible massive wall so that no one could see or read what she was thinking. And that was the side of her he saw during their video talk on Monday evening. Jisoo didn't say anything, but her expression said it all.
One of the things that drew him to Jisoo was how similar they were. They were both busy individuals who prioritized their professional lives. They too have goals and aspirations. At first, he wasn't sure if he wanted a lady like Jisoo to be his life companion; he preferred a woman who was ready to stay at home and devote herself to caring for her family, such as his mother. However, as some of his relationships failed for the same reason, Yixing began to reconsider his thinking. Someone like Jisoo was most likely what he needed since she was the greatest person to comprehend the stage of life he was now in. And their recent conversation further supported his claims.
At the same time, Yixing saw that Jisoo's achievement at the time, with the title and high standing she achieved in society, was accompanied with a significant deal of unrest. She kept many fears to herself, and while Jisoo refused to tell him exactly how she felt, it was clear from how she reacted to his family's marriage proposal. And with all of what he had learned, he should have been able to better grasp what the girl desired. Their interests were similar, but his selfishness led to a near-fatal outcome.
Yixing should have known better and not kissed her that evening.
He's far better than this; he was raised right. His mother had raised him to be a gentleman, someone who appreciated women and their surroundings. However, his nasty impatience the other day was far from appropriate. He was selfish simply because he wanted his mother to stop bugging him about getting married soon, and he used Jisoo's allegiance to her parents to impose his personal will. He didn't want to recognize that Jisoo, like him, had enormous dreams for her life. And, because to his shortsightedness, he believed he could persuade her that they could achieve everything in a short period of time. He might be able to make himself do all of this, but not with Jisoo. The girl wanted to be heard, and he was supposed to be the most attentive listener. And after his speech on how marriage should have been, he behaved differently. He despised himself for being insignificant.
He didn't expect their challenges to be this massive; he assumed Jisoo would be able to put herself in since, after all, they came from a family with little cultural difference. But he was completely wrong about it. Jisoo's silence opened his eyes, and the way the girl gazed at him felt like a bull's kick that flung him into the water. He had become accustomed to ladies fawning over his persona wherever he went. He was used to their wild stares, as if they were stripping him bare in the hopes of getting slept with him. He was used to people complimenting his virtues and accomplishments.
He had never seen someone who looked at him as if she didn't want to deal with him.
Jisoo had been uneasy since their video conversation had been connected. The girl simply stated that she was weary and in a bad mood since the program she had scheduled for the day did not go as planned. At normal times, he may assume Jisoo was one of those grumpy girls when they were fatigued. But as they chatted and he observed her movements, he realized there was more to her than just her behavior. She even looked hesitant to look him in the eyes. She looked extremely uncomfortable, barely smiled once or twice, and after half an hour of conversing. Yixing realized she didn't want to talk to him, but she didn't say anything since she didn't want to insult him. And from there, he knew that there was a major problem. And that he was the one who caused the situation by breaking their limits. It was inappropriate to kiss her like that, especially when she attempted to push him away. Despite her modest objections to his unprompted conduct, he opted to disregard them. He assumed that all females would fall for his charm effortlessly, but he had forgotten that Jisoo was not like all of those girls.
It was a mess. A huge mess.
Yixing closed his eyes for a moment, recalling the expression in her eyes as if she had been forced to do all of the talking over the phone. Her look felt like a sledgehammer slamming into his face, a hard blow that made him understand what he had done was nothing more than sexually assaulting her. He had no idea it was so awful, and his own conduct had left him rather shaken. He felt obligated to repair the damage he had caused.
Outside the room, Yixing heard his mother begin her daily routine of making breakfast and anything else. He also started getting ready to go for the office, and he only left the room half an hour later. Yixing planned to talk to his mother, so he started getting dressed earlier than usual.
"Xingxing, you're really early this morning. It's a good thing Mama's already made breakfast. Are you planning a meeting at the office this morning?" His mother inquired from the kitchen when she seen him emerge from behind his bedroom door.
His response was brief: "Not really."
He then pulled out the dining table chair and sat down. He got two bowls and spooned rice into them, placing one across the table and the other in front of him. He began eating in solitude.
His mother grabbed another chair across the table and sat down, "I believe we need to organize two parties at different times. We shall have another celebration for the entire family and papa's connections in Beijing once the wedding ceremony takes place here. I spoke with Jisoo's mother, and she is fine with this plan," she assured him as she began to eat with him.
Yixing said nothing. He listened to his mother describe the intricacies of the program she was attempting to arrange. Despite the fact that they had four months of preparation time, his mother believed that the plan should be finalized at least next month before hiring a wedding planner to finish everything she and Jisoo's mother had planned. Yixing felt a bit bad since she was so happy about the upcoming wedding.
"Mama," he called out softly. He put his chopstick at its rest and had a few sips of water while waiting to get her full attention.
"Yes, Son?"
"Ma, I want to call off the wedding," he said.
His mother's face changed. Her grin faded and was replaced by prominent wrinkles on her forehead. Yixing did not like this. On the one hand, he didn't enjoy it when his mother started looking at him with that expression, but on the other hand, he couldn't let the thrill last. He needed to rescue another person's life before it was too late.
"What did you say? But why? Mama assumed you agreed to this idea. You even agreed to propose to her," his mother added, partly complaining.
"I'm aware of this. I genuinely thought so at first. But, Mama, we're talking about Jisoo. She was rattled up by the proposal, as you could see by her reaction that night."
"But they said she likes you. She looks like she likes you, I saw it with my own eyes the way she looked at you. And as a woman myself, I know it when someone likes a man."
Yixing sighed, "Ma, liking someone is different from consenting to marry him. She has goals she wants to accomplish, projects she wants to work on, and she is very passionate about them. I don't want to push myself into her comfort zone and ruin her desire. If we pressure her to marry me as planned, I will ruin her. She will eventually resent me, she will blame me for the things she missed out on, and I don't want her to loathe someone she marries for the rest of her life, since divorce is never an option," he stated.
"I understand you want the best for me, but this is not the greatest option for her. She is precious, Ma. You agreed that she is a wonderful woman. You want me to settle down with her. Please believe me this time. Jisoo and I will be the only ones aboard this ship; let us pick when we sail. Let us make it sturdy and stable so that we don't drown in the middle of the dead ocean. Do you want me to be happy?"
His mother nodded.
"I'll be happy as long as Jisoo's happy. If she isn't pleased with this hasty wedding, neither will I be."
His mother remained silent for some time. He watched her eat in quiet, her face creased with contemplation. Yixing was aware that her mother was quite dissatisfied with this choice, she was delighted when she learned that he agreed with everything his parents proposed. She was overjoyed that his son would marry, just as their family's fortune teller had predicted. He hated disappointing his mother, but he knew what was best. Because Jisoo is currently in his life, and maybe will be in the future, he must consider her interests. He simply hoped that his mother would understand; after all, she was a woman, and she was supposed to know the most about being Jisoo out of everyone.
"A good catch is not simple to tame. I believe that women nowadays are considerably different from those in my generation; we did not have the ability to influence our parents' decisions. Everything was prepared; all I had to do was obey their wishes."
"In such situation, you understand the most about being in her shoes, right? I'm sure you don't want Jisoo to feel the same way you did at the time," he added.
His mother nodded again. Sometimes persuading his mother was easy; all he had to do was say the right thing. And Yixing was certain that this was one of those times when he had said something really stunning to make her think hard.
"How long do you want to postpone the wedding?" his mother said after a time.
"For as long as Jisoo wants it. We will get married when she is ready."
Her mother sighed softly and clicked her tongue, "But we have already bought a condo. What if you both move in first so you won't leave the house vacant?" she prompted, which then made him laugh softly.
"It took me hell to realize that I've made a big mistake by pushing her to marry me. I don't want to start yet another issue with getting ourselves into living together. She'll cut me off completely if I try to get into her personal space again."
"Invading her personal space? What did you do? Hm?" her mother tilted her head, demanding an answer.
Yixing bent his head to gaze at the rice bowl, which had not been touched during the discourse. He debated if it was essential to update his mother about what went on at the airport last Sunday. His mother must know what came about to cease questioning his motivations.
"I kissed her," he told her. He then groaned and covered his face in his hands, irritated. He felt ashamed of what he'd done, which was why he was surprised when his mother cooed affectionately as if it were normal.
"Oh, that's so sweet ..." she put her hands on her chest.
Wait. That's not the proper reaction.
"Ma, no. What I did isn't sweet," he reposted. "I kissed her without her consent. And if I had been someone else, she may have charged me for harassment.
"Ey, it can't be that bad. It's not like you are strangers or anything."
"That is the issue at hand. I should have stopped myself from doing so. I was too self-absorbed."
His mother moved her hand in front of his face, saying, "It can't be that bad. You are a good man."
"That is exactly my point. I am a good man, and a good man does not impose his needs on a woman."
He drooped his lead to the rice bowl again, this time taking his chopstick and finishing his breakfast.
Yixing had lost track of time throughout the entire conversation. At least he had communicated what he was intended to say from the start, and while his mother was upset, Yixing was glad that she was more concerned with his happiness than anything else. And now that the talk with his mother is over, it's time to mend his relationship with Jisoo. Yixing was determined to do things correctly this time, without pressure.
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