School. Family. Work. Love. There was only enough time in the world to ever choose one. No matter how much you try to squeeze them in, the days in your life would just not be enough to suffice. There's also the fact that whatever you might choose, you'd still be given no option to include yourself.
But Fiona believes she's been a master of it. She could juggle them all if she has to. Which she has.
School on the weekdays, family when you're at home, work in the summer, and all the romance in between. She was not a hopeless romantic per se and would grimace even with the word, but a pretty girl should never pass out the opportunity to show that she has the beauty. One way to make sure of that is by having a man as proof. Or at least that was what she was taught by her mother as a kid. She'd only wondered now why she ever listened.
"We already agreed on this!" Fiona shouted from across Bryan's room. She was in bed, her half-naked frame wrapped in crumpled sheets as she spoke.
"And I already told you that I don't remember ever saying yes to it. Even if I was, I was probably half-drunk," Bryan retorted, his irritation evident. He didn't want to continue the conversation but Fiona was persistent in setting things straight.
"I'm going whether you like it or not," she stubbornly stated. Fiona was a prideful woman. They both knew that. But they also both knew that Fiona can't win with Bryan's temper. And Bryan always had his temper.
"Suit yourself," he said.
Clothes were scattered on the floor, both his and Fiona's. It has been one o those cold nights that the two of them spent together. But like every one of their sweet nights, it's followed with nothing but sour mornings and a lot of shouting.
Bryan reached out for his pants from under the bed and put them on with a loud grunt.
"Where are you going?" Fiona asked. "You're going to leave me alone again, aren't you? We haven't even finished what we were talking about!"
Bryan only rolled his eyes and scoffed. He already had his shirt on and was now opening the door to leave.
"I need a smoke," he said. "The guys will be at the usual with some good stuff today."
Smoking again. He'd be home high and happy, then they'd have sex. But by the time he sobers up, it'll be nothing more than a nightmare.
The door of Bryan's room slammed shut before Fiona could stop him. She was frozen, crouching in bed with the cold seeping as the warmth of last night faded, Bryan's touch only a lingering feeling that would slowly disappear. She couldn't move while still being naked.
With Bryan gone and out of her sight the teas that she held on slowly poured in an endless seeming waterfall.
--
Fiona closed the gate of Bryan's house, the metal creaking and clanking as she did so.
She decided she'd go off work today. It's pointless, she muttered to herself. If Bryan wouldn't let her go to college away from him, what was the point in saving money? Besides, she doesn't feel very well.
"Let's just call it a cold."
She thought she wouldn't be able to stop crying. The tears do feel endless when you're in the moment. But your eyes get tired and your head clears. Then, Fiona realized, like always, that she's been stupid.
She tidied up the room, pick her clothes, and get dressed, and made the bed like it was hers. Bryan wouldn't care and wouldn't dare to clean up after his mess. At least she had some class to be doing it out of spite. It makes her think of herself as a higher being than her boyfriend. If boyfriend was still the right term.
Her phone buzzed and chimed from the pocket of her jean. It was a text from someone. A boy. Fiona smirked. It was time to play with toys and have some bit of fun.
It was almost sunset when Fiona decided she was done for the day. She knocked a few bucks as she swindled her way through the gullible heads of those puny boys she hang out with. Needless to say, she was satisfied. But she was not entirely in a particularly good mood either.
She slipped the cash back into the cups of her bra after she counted them. The texture of the paper felt odd as it touched her skin. For a passing split second, she couldn't help but feel disgusted. But the feeling faded, replaced by bubbling anger as she saw Bryan walking by the sidewalk with a blonde monkey clinging far too close and more intimate than she liked.
Fiona hid behind a post just in time before the two walked by her. She let out a sigh of relief as they went on without noticing her staring like a weird stalker.
She couldn't understand herself. Neither did she understand what really was going on between them.
Cheating wasn't out of the question when they first dated. Fiona somehow knew that Bryan was the type to horde pretty girls like a harem. As if he was the king of the small school which really didn't matter when you're in the middle o nowhere.
She gets it. She understood. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.
Fiona never dreamed of romance. Or at least she did until she suddenly didn't. But she at least expected that what was hers was all hers and there's be no need to share. Isn't that what her mother told her? That she had power with the beauty she possess? Isn't that what this power should have done? Assurance that what was hers was hers until she tosses them out.
Turns out it wouldn't be like that. She felt none of the power and more of the filth. It surrounded her until she became one with it.
If Bryan wanted to have his own line of girls, who's stopping her from having boy toys of her own? She's already done it before. It wasn't a new practice. She could just try doing it again.
But that stupid decision made everything go south.
Fiona nursed the sides of her abdomen as a scary memory surfaced with the thought of that cold dirty cash that seemed to pulse upon her skin. It throbbed in a pulsing ache as she remembered Bryan's face, unfamiliar and monster-like. It was like the gates of hell unleashed a demon to punish her. But no one shackled the crazy guy that she should've left a long time ago. Yet here she is again.
Fiona waited a few more minutes before walking in the opposite direction. She wouldn't go to Bryan's bed. Not tonight. Not for a few more nights.
She couldn't go home either. Her mother had her new boyfriend there. He was sleazy and he chewed with his mouth open during dinner. He was all the things Fiona didn't like. But then again, he has the bucks. There was no reason with her mother when a guy has the gold painted all over their greasy hands.
Tonight she'd be on her own. She'll find a way. She has to.
She checked her phone for the time and set an alarm for early in the morning.
She'd go to work tomorrow. She has to go to college. Even if she dies trying, she has to. She will.
She only hopes that it's not too late for her.