I'm still bothered and confused how I got back, I thought there was no way back for me, I thought that I was already dead, I made my Dad that promise so that he would relax and keep hoping for me to go back one day, still believing I will when I know I already committed suicide here, but unfortunately, here I am, all in one piece, how did I got out of the sea?, I don't know.
The doctor came in, carrying a glass of water, a smile on his face, you can tell he's really happy to see me, without much explanation, it felt like he already understood me.
“ How did I get here?”, I asked him, the glass of water in my hands as I just stare down into the water, watching the gentle motion from it in its limited space. He relax himself, took in a deep breath of relaxation before putting his hands together, bending his back forward towards me and his elbow resting on his laps.
“ I saw a girl jump into the sea along the road, I couldn't save her because I was too late, without thinking twice when I got there, I jumped in too, I thought I already lost her because I was a bit late but luckily, I got hold of her and brought her out only to find out she has passed away unconscious, I tried reviving her, but there was no hope, knowing it's the girl I have been waiting for year, I wasn't ever going to let go, everyone around believing you was dead, I took your unconscious self with me to the hospital and has been hoping you wake up since then, now, here you're.....”.
The smile on his face was genuine, I can see the wetness of his eyes, trying to hold back the tears from breaking away. I know that I jumped down into the sea, but I never hoped on getting saved, I thought I have found peace, but he took that all away from me.
“ You said you've been waiting for me for years, I don't think I know who you're....”, I told him, probably searching through my memories to know whether I have seen him anywhere, haven't seen him anywhere, he's not my teacher in the school, I already knew how I was given birth to and he's not there, even if he's there, he's probably not a doctor by then, he's possibly still a little boy, where might he have come from?, He knows quite much about me, even my parents.
“ I have been waiting for this day Ember.... It's me, Ryan.... Ryan Johnson ”. He's staring into my eyes, I was totally lost of words, really can't believe the result my brain is giving me, is this really the same Ryan who broke down every walls of my boundary without trying a lot?, But how?, I can now recall that intense stare, that familiar eyes, I can't believe this was the same boy who watched my back throughout my days in the past, I can't say I thought it was all a dream because it wasn't.
I dropped the glass of water aside, stood up and moved before him, emotions unexplainable, I knelt down before him as he created a space for me to enter between his legs as he now keeps his body standing straight, with eyes staring into his as emotions becomes too strong, I hug him.
I wonder what he's really doing in my life, he's just there to make everything look easy, he's giving me comfort as much as he can while I lived in pain, he saved me from my last moment, he brought my Dad back to me at the church, he's the only friend I ever had, and now, he has waited sixteen years just to find me again.
I relaxed in his embrace, knowing it's the only place I can find safety, I don't know how long I have been here, but I know that auntie Maggie is definitely worried. She has always known I was her niece, she went from grace to grass and I still don't know how, but I can tell that she's torn apart because of my disappearance.
“ Have you seen my auntie Maggie?”, I asked Ryan, now looking into his eyes again like before. “ she's torn apart Ember, she has already given up, I tried telling her that you're definitely getting back up, but she's.... she's just lost, she just came here once and I haven't seen her again since then....”.
Oh my God, I never knew this will hurt her this much, I never thought about it, “ I have to go Ryan, I have to go see her, she has to know that I am alive, she has to know that I am in one piece..... I'm the only one she's got Ryan, help me....”. I pleaded with him, but he acted like the plea wasn't necessary, he just got me up from kneeling down and gave me some clothes he already got for me which was still well packaged in its nylon, he did believe that I will definitely wake up, that's the kind of faith I possibly will never posses.
My Dad gave me over to her, despite knowing she lives with someone who was a danger to me, he believed that auntie Margaret will do anything to keep me safe, now seeing the place we've lived since I was a baby, I now know the reason my Dad trusted his sister, auntie Maggie giving away her wealthy lifestyle to come live in the mud with me, we're definitely the poorest in the area filled with people struggling for a life to live, struggling to find something to eat, yet they all were better than us.
She's definitely at home, if it was before I left, I always believed she never cared and would never skip work even if I was sick, but I was never sick, she always provides for me, she always try to make sure I wasn't lacking, I now regret resenting her all this while, I'm a betrayer, I'm not fit to stand before her after all I have done, I will just let her know that I am alive, then I will leave, I have to, I have to leave, I don't think I deserve her presence, not after the way I have lived, not complimenting her for all she ever did for me.