I stared at him, and I was looking much more desperate now that I had looked at him. But his gaze was no longer fixed on me. Just stare at me for a second, please! And Walden grabs my hand. "Come on, Gemma.
I tightened my hold on the seat belt as if buying him time to decide whether to chase me away or simply drop me off at my home. I let go as Walden carefully dragged me from the vehicle. Walden was about to shut the door in my face, but I quickly put my hand back on the door to prevent him from doing so. I shook my head from side to side and pleaded with him not to close the door, but he went ahead and closed it after he removed my fingers one by one from the handle.
The car began to move. Watching his car pull away made me feel like I was going to collapse. So, this is how he felt when I just left him out of the blue.
He takes my face in his hand and stares into my eyes. "You are so beautiful that there are moments when I can't even look at you in the eyes. Don't just vanish on me, or at least let me know that you're leaving. Cause if you don't, I’ll chase you to the ends of the earth and make you regret that you left me."
"No!" I uttered the words. I started walking down the road he had just been on and soon found myself running. The moment I saw his car, my foot started running faster than before. In the end, despite my best efforts, I was unable to catch his car. Before I knew it, he was halfway off the road, and I couldn't see him anymore.
As we lay on his bed facing each other, I whispered, "I cut through all your sorrow. I'm going to ease all of your bad feelings. I'll do all that I can to share in your pain. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I vow that nothing from your history will be repeated."
I sobbed and cried out in despair. "Argh!"
"Gemma, stop!" Walden ran after me, panting. "Surely this is what you want. To let you go."
"No!" I responded. "I didn't ask for any of this."
"But didn't you make this decision on your own? There are many reasons why he shouldn't ascend to the throne, yet he is willing to do it for you rather than the whole nation. He doesn't need the crown; he wants it to bring back the life you lost—your father, who was taken away from you by an unjust judgment."
In my head, those words kept playing over and over. I know, and that's what I fear that you will be tied to something you don't want just because of saving my life. I don't want you to live full of regrets. "I know— he promises me, Walden. And it hates me even more because he is willing to take the crown for my own sake, knowing that doing so will bind him to the crown for an eternity." I blinked back tears.
Walden went closer to wrap his arms around me. "You mean the world to him, that’s why I give up on chasing you."
And again I began to sob, more bitterly than before.
What he said to me at his farewell hurt me not just emotionally but physically. Several weeks had passed since that day. I want to put myself through hell by shutting myself in my room 24/7, without eating or drinking anything. Since I had no other means of coping with my overwhelming sense of guilt, I cried nonstop. I have shut off my hearing and vision, so they have no chance of stopping me. I hear their cries of desperation. But I just don't feel anything for them. It's as though I've forgotten everyone else in my life except for him, my Sebastian. Nobody in the home dared bring up his name for fear of triggering me into another emotional breakdown, so I stopped receiving updates on him. I'll never forget his final words to me. "Let's not see each other." But despite everything, I still wanted to see him, even if it meant he would drive me away again. Even if he gives me all the offensive words, I still want to hear his voice.
I'm not even in the water, yet my sadness is causing me to feel like I'm drowning.
Then there came a time when my body simply couldn't handle the torment anymore. I was going through a depressive episode, and my body felt much worse due to dehydration. I was taken to the hospital, where I was rushed to the emergency room. Suddenly, I became harmful to myself.
When I regain consciousness, I feel needles on the sides of my arms. Instead of easing my breathing, the nebulizer cup in my mouth has made it worse. The heart monitor has been stable since I was alive, but now I wish I had stayed unconscious because the instant my eyes opened, his hazy shadow was the first thing I saw.
A folded piece of paper with a badge on top is sitting on the edge of my bed. The one that I find beautiful in the auction room, is the badge that was the reason for our first fight. My fingers tremble as I grab the badge and the letter.
But then a guy appeared, and I inadvertently dropped the badge I was carrying. "What the... who are you?" He queried, surprised.
I hid my lips with my shaking hand when I realized it was the badge. I let go of it in my hand and fell off the blanket that was wrapped over me. I opened it with trembling fingers. The way each letter was written caught my attention. And by the time I knew for sure that it was him, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. I pulled off my mask and began reading his letter.
My stupid negie,
This is obviously not the proper way to begin a letter. Idiot, you are great at making me feel bad about myself. How could you choose to torture yourself when I should be doing it? I apologize, that I didn't consider things before saying it. Actually, at the time, that wasn't what I meant to say. It was supposed to be an offer for you to run away with me, but somehow it came out wrong. Maybe it's because I already know the response I'll get from you. I intend to free your father from prison, accept the throne, and then promptly cast it aside. You could not hold off much longer, though. I have bigger ambitions for you than I have for those I lead. The plan to become king will be carried out. However, when the time comes, you will no longer be with me. What matters most is that you get your papa out.
If what I said hurts you, I apologize. I'm sure you've noticed that I tend to be reckless. I'm not upset, and I haven't ever been. In fact, I'm more proud that you prioritize your family in all that you do. I am impressed by your bravery because if I found myself in your situation, I would put my relationship with the person I love above my ties to my family. You've been blessed with a more loving family, so I know it's different for you. Unfortunately for me, I was born into a royal family that prioritizes power and ambition over love. On the other hand, I felt it was important to thank them since, if it weren't for them, you wouldn't be in the palace. If you never showed up at the palace, I'd be bored to death.
My bad behavior toward you is my only regret. If I had been a good person and not been so intent on forcing you to leave the palace, the two of us could have created a lot of good memories together. I'm sorry that I was the one that caused you so much grief in the past, and I'm sorry that I didn't even apologize for it. I led a life that was anything but typical. Because I was brought up to believe that apologizing is an indication of weakness, I never say it, even when I'm sorry. However, things are different now. I've learned plenty of new things that do not pertain to what the royal family taught me.
I still have much to learn. It's painful because I can't share what I've learned with you anymore. My "normal" life, which, to be clear, was not normal, will end in a couple of months. It was you, Gemma, who brought peace and security into my life and helped shape me into the person I am now. I am thankful to you for that. Spending my everyday life with you has been the most lovely and enlightening experience that could have ever taken place for me.
I almost passed up the chance to become king, but then I realized I had to rule for your own good. That is why I am willing to risk everything for the chance to rule. And to become king, I must wed the one woman I never saw myself with. Gemma, I've decided to marry Felicity. And by the time you finished reading this letter, I was probably already on my way to Luxembourg to ask for the hand that did not belong to you.
How heartless, even fate itself is working against our happiness. I could be selfish and ask you to wait for me, but I won't. I really hope that one day you'll meet a guy who will love you even more than I do. Thank you for seeking me out even when your eyes can't find me and for speaking up on my behalf when I was too afraid to offend the king to say a word. For continuing to have faith in me, I am thankful. Gemma, I love you more than my heart has ever loved before, and I love you more than life itself. I’ll be right here, loving you until the end.
Your prince
SEBASTIAN,